Having multiple wives in Pashtun culture.

[erlangner]

As far as religion is concerned it also does not allow. The people I know, no one of them married a 2nd wife as per Islamic rules. However misuse of this permission is there for sure.

[Zarawar]

Uruzgan and Ghazni are both trying to find food on there tables.

logically do you think they can support 2 or 3 wives when they are too busy thinking on how to manage food for tomorrow?

Western logic doesn't work in that part of the world. It's not about counting and having this headache whether someone can afford children or not.
Pashtuns never look at the consequences of anything they do, no wonder we are in such a big mess.
My grandfather could barely provide for his 28 children, as a matter of fact half of the time he was too busy solving tribal issues, and forgot about his kids.
Pashtun society is not like western society, no one starves to death in pashtun society.
Pashtuns might have "tarbganai" for competing purposes, but they do have "tarbganai" that give each other a hand in time of need.

[Zarawar]

This culture is still alive and in practice. It's not practice in the city but it is in the urban areas.

True!

[Saifullah]

It is really a sad fact that our men continue to marry more than one wife without realising what its about.

You know even marrying your first wife shouldn't be a rash decision, we should understand and try to make ourself ready for marriage. Firstly what is marriage, what are the rights of the wife, what is required by me and all these things.

But our men do not do this, when they get older they neglect their first wife and then look for a younger woman to marry for their enjoyment. That is sad and it ruins families because the respect of the father/brother/husband is diminished. The way in which Islam tells a man you have permission to marry more than one wife, isn't so easy.

[Zarawar]

sometimes men end up with 2 wives because of tribal problems. They give daughters for peace

thats a very small minority, and that for sure is fading away permanently.

[Zarawar]

I haven't got a satisfying reply from any one. Everyone has so far spoke for themselves. No Islamic prospective or example so far....

[Saifullah]

Islam says you can marry more than one wife. But then there is an ayat that you should treat them equally.

How do you treat them equally. Well in the amount of time you spend with them, in giving them each a shelter, food and security and so on.

Our men cannot even give full rights to his wife even when he has only married one wife and then to marry more than one wife is another discussion. First let our men understand the rights of a wife in Islam.

[Zarawar]

Islam says you can marry more than one wife. But then there is an ayat that you should treat them equally.

How do you treat them equally. Well in the amount of time you spend with them, in giving them each a shelter, food and security and so on.

Our men cannot even give full rights to his wife even when he has only married one wife and then to marry more than one wife is another discussion. First let our men understand the rights of a wife in Islam.

one can only speak for himself.

[Saifullah]

I am not married and when i say our men obviously i am not saying all of the pashtun men dont treat their wives properly. But it is a known fact that our women do not enjoy the greatest of rights in society whether in villages or cities.

[Zarawar]

I am not married and when i say our men obviously i am not saying all of the pashtun men dont treat their wives properly. But it is a known fact that our women do not enjoy the greatest of rights in society whether in villages or cities.

Again, one could only speak for himself.
TREAT YOUR WOMEN PROPER!

[Zarawar]

oh and what freedom?
Does our women have to worry about going to work, doing taxes and pay checks?
Does our women have to worry about them getting drunk at night clubs and ending up in crazy stuff?
Have you ever met an Afghan or Pashtana that has been raped?
Have you ever met an Afghan woman that is asked to go work and earn money?
Don't fell for the CNN/BBC image of our honorable women.
Look around you, how is women treated in your family? I'm pretty sure they are treated on the level that no body can ever be treated (pleasure life)
Our women are like jewels, we wrap them in Hijab and don't use them as entertainment toys for others.
I don't know what kind of freedom you are refering to, because I'm picturing hundreds of women from my family and I can see their happy lives. Not in Kabul or any other big city, but small villages where everyone is illiterate.

[Saifullah]

I am not a brainwashed westerner that you have to teach me about the western society. I know and have been born in such a society, at the same time i have seen the society of pashtuns.

Alhamdulilah in my own family there is no bad treatment of women. But that is not the case for my far relatives we have living in villages.

Over there majority of women who marry and living in JOINT family system. Now joint family system is great when everybody is great. But many times that is not the case, the wife is like a slave and she has to do everything for her family and her husbands family. Respect has a limit and the woman is a human as well.

So they dont have to work to earn a living, but they work in the house like slaves. In laws telling her make this, do this, dont do this and interference from everyone.

Women are rarely given the same treatment as the men. In inheritance women rarely get a share. Our women are not educated in the same way. At least if they dont go to school in villages, the men can learn something and then teach it to the females of their family.

Our women if they make a little mistake they are condemned. Our men many of them drink alcohol, many go clubbing, many come home beating their wives and so on. Dont deny things, this is our problem. Your family might be fine, but is that representative of everyone? Our problem has always been to reject our faults.

[Saifullah]

Just because in my close family women are treated well, doesnt mean i can then tell all pashtuns women are fine in our society.

Just because the women in my family are all educated doesnt mean i can go to the villages of pashtun people and tell the women oh you are all fine my women are educated so dont worry and complain.

Dont disrespect our women who are suffering at the hands of cruel men or cruel society. I feel sorry for them. Whether those women are in 2% of our society or 80%...

I am not a supporter of those women who claim we need to be like western women to gain freedom. We have our Islam alhamdulilah to tell us how to treat our women.

[Roshina]

I don't know what kind of freedom you are refering to, because I'm picturing hundreds of women from my family and I can see their happy lives.

Brother Zarawar! You're speaking FOR other people. Why is that? And not just any people -- for women specifically. You need let them speak for themselves. You can't look at a woman and tell whether she's happy or sad, liberated or oppressed. Sometimes we THINK we can read people's minds or read people's faces, but the reality is, we can't know what's in a person's heart.

So, these "hundreds of women" from your family that you talk of, don't speak for them. They are blessed with their own minds.

I'm picturing hundreds of women from my family and I can see their happy lives.Not in Kabul or any other big city, but small villages where everyone is illiterate.

I must not assume anything, so let me confirm this with you first: You think that the women who are illiterate are happy? While those who are in big cities (and/or are educated, or are literate) are unhappy?

If that's indeed what you mean to say, then who are you to define happiness for other people (that even, women; especially when we're always claiming that women and men have different needs and different desires)? What makes you think you have the right to decide whether someone is unhappy or not?

And literate women versus illiterate women? How many studies have you conducted yourself on both illiterate and literate women? If none, I strongly urge you to do that before you make such a conclusion. (No, I'm not gonna trust the studies of other people; I need to know what YOU have studied and learned yourself; I need to know how many women YOU have interacted with (again, both literate and illiterate), interviewed, had conversations with in order for you to conclude that they're happy or unhappy; I need to know where they were/are originally from and where they live, how educated or uneducated their families were/are, AND all the different palaces on earth they've lived so that they can compare their lifestyles and experiences to each one.) Otherwise, let them speak for themselves -- not just the illiterate Afghan women you mentioned, but the literate western women you compare them to.

[Feroza_Banu]

oh and what freedom?
Does our women have to worry about going to work, doing taxes and pay checks?
Does our women have to worry about them getting drunk at night clubs and ending up in crazy stuff?
Have you ever met an Afghan or Pashtana that has been raped?
Have you ever met an Afghan woman that is asked to go work and earn money?
Don't fell for the CNN/BBC image of our honorable women.
Look around you, how is women treated in your family? I'm pretty sure they are treated on the level that no body can ever be treated (pleasure life)
Our women are like jewels, we wrap them in Hijab and don't use them as entertainment toys for others.
I don't know what kind of freedom you are refering to, because I'm picturing hundreds of women from my family and I can see their happy lives. Not in Kabul or any other big city, but small villages where everyone is illiterate.

you can only speak for yourself... don't speak for every pashtoon woman!