Having multiple wives in Pashtun culture.

[Zarawar]

what is the obession with people getting a second wife. i know it exists in islam and pashtun culture but generally why do men need a second wife?

Da sanga sawal wo,

you never get enough of the good and blessed things in your life.

thats the very human nature...

[Zarawar]

That would be too much pain on the 1st one.

I can just picture that....

[Feroza_Banu]

there is a saying that when a man starts having some money in his pocket, the first thing that comes to his mind is another wife...

so i thin it has to do mostly with financial instability.

[Zarawar]

In Kandahar city nothing is in effect,

lol


You cannot say "KANDAHAR CITY" because kandahar city is full of all tribes, races, ideologies, mindsets etc.

One of the reason why I asked this question was to find out what people of different mindsets think.

There is no such thing as "kandahar city" has not been effected by this, while the rest of the country is.

There are conservative people in kandahar, and then we have the liberals.

The same goes with any other race and area.

[Zarawar]

yow folkways dee, yow facts dee.

[eyeliner]

Da sanga sawal wo,

you never get enough of the good and blessed things in your life.

thats the very human nature...

well then i guess people need to learn self control.

[eyeliner]

^ i understand where your coming from but i dont think that women like sharing the husbands and maybe that was accepted before, but not now.

[Master Khan]

i won't mind, there are alot of girls in my villages...they all need someone in their lifes.

[Zarawar]

When you are in such a situation one has to understand and accept.

Having multiple wives simultaneously was never popular in our culture. Its hard to keep one of us under control.

yes it has, because multiple wives results in a dozen or half a dozen sons.

Having a hand full of sons was a must in Pashtun society (and it still is) because of the "badee" enmities.

[Zarawar]

Zarawara in the past 2 decades this cultural aspect of ours is at all time low.

might be low for you, me or someone else.

But, the core ideology behind having more wives (i.e. more children) has everything to do with survival.

The educated and westernized ones are the ones that fled the country 2-3 decades ago. But the poor and more conservatives still reside in tens of thousands of villages, and they still practice this.

[Zarawar]

I travel to those villages and I have yet to see any signs of this revitalizing and I have every right to assume that its dying out to our increasing poverty and poor quality of life index.

well, I don't know what kind of villages are you talking about.

Warsha da Ghazni andaro ta, ya da Uruzgan yow kalee ta.

[eyeliner]

i won't mind, there are alot of girls in my villages...they all need someone in their lifes.

your acting as though your doing some kind of favour on them.

[Roshina]

Since marriage is a two-way (NOT one-way) deal, and you have to respect and understand your spouse just as you want her/him to understand and respect you, why get another wife when your first wife does not approve or if it would hurt her? How do you expect her to understand your desire for another wife when you are not trying to understand her perspective, or her desire that you remain hers only? No woman wants to share her husband with another woman. Oh, and sorry, brothers -- those excuses of “Oh, it’s natural; we have desires that need to be fulfilled, and one wife is not good enough for that” aren’t working any longer. And they shouldn’t be. If you're that interested in addressing desires you like to call natural, be careful: You might never even get that ONE wife you actually need to fulfill your desires!

Now, what I don’t understand is this: If your first wife threatens to leave you if you bring another wife home, then who exactly are you helping? What exactly are you trying to prove to yourself, your wife, and/or other people? What will you get – the first wife you had no problems with left you because you brought another one home. You might as well stick to the first one, then, since either way, you end up with one wife.

Now, if you're that desperate for more than one wife, be SURE to marry a woman who will tell you, "Yeah, I won't mind if you bring another wife home while you're married to me" for your first wife.

Also, if you wanna do a favor for the poor women in your community, try funding them -- without having to marry them. Marriage isn't the only option you have of helping them. There are many other options -- you know, like making sure they marry good men whom you might know, or then just paying their rent for them, or buying them food on a regular basis, or funding the education of their children (if they're divorced or widowed). If you REALLY wanna help a poor woman in your village, marry her ... and I mean marry her NOT to make her your second wife; make her your first (and only) wife! Believe me, nothing would make a poor woman happier than that!

[Roshina]

Oh, and the reason the practice is declining now is that ... well, we're FINALLY realizing the fact that women are actually humans, so their opinion now matters. And so when a wife refuses to allow her husband to have another wife besides her, some men are kind enough to understand and say, "Okay, you're enough for me, and I will not have another wife as long as I'm married to you then."

Of course, not all men are this humane, so some will marry regardless of their wives' wishes.

By the way, in Islam, it's sunnah to ask for your present wife's (or wives') permission before marrying another one; it's not fard. If you wanna practice the way of the Prophet, then how about considering things like this -- you know, like the feelings of your wife -- rather than growing a beard and all, which doens't concern another human but only you?

[erlangner]

Yarra Khalq zan pore tang de, ao ta warla 3-4 khazay kaway.

I think awareness and women freedom is the main reason as women speak against it. My one cousin has two wives, and I know in what situation he is. His first wife is sitting with her brothers alongwith his kids. The other one (new one) was ok with him for few years but now many problems, and now he is so much confused as both of them do not want to lvie together. Although his father has two wives and it was ok.

Many examples are there.
I think education, and awareness is the main reason.