what would justify hitting a woman...

[akbarkhan]

[QUOTE=sheenkay;64629]

what would you do if you get a husband who cheats on you .

and you caught him red handed :D

wont you get out of temper ?
divorce him or her

If you have 3 witnesses take him to Helmand, Kandahar, Nuristan, Farah, Zabul, Paktia or Kunar etc.

[spogmai shaglay]

please dont post verses from the Quran here............. cause the one's who want to physically abuse the woman will do it and will support his act by showing some verses from the Quran....like how some members posted some verses in the previous posts here supporting ill treatment of women......as if everything mentioned in the Quran is followed by everybody.................
and i hope others dont take the message that its justified in Quran....
write ur personal views about the issue being discussed in this thread.....
what do u personally feel about it.....

[Millatpal Noorzai]

From an Islamic perspective!!!!

Ladies!!!Allah has authorized a MAN to slightly hit his wife if she is being disobedient so your threats of COWARD,DIVORCE,BROTHERS etc don't really hold ground.
Those who think they could leave their husbands just for a one time beating are mistaken,again a woman in Islam could ask for "KHULA" she can NOT divorce her husband unless she smashes the commandments of Allah to the ground and adopts the western way of separation.A man only has the right to divorce his wife.

p.s don't ask me for a reference of where Allah has said to hit your wife;google is full of such references.

[MazloomyarMaseed]

The west use to treat women very badly and to some extent they continue to do it but however there are Muslims who justify it with their faith, when Westerners beat women they blaime it on alcohol and other issues related to domestic problems but Muslims use the al mighty allah as their source for such violent behavior

[Gujju_Mitai]

Salaam Everyone:

The answer is simple, the only time you use any form of violent action is in SELF DEFENSE. In the Quran, we see the term "trangression" all the time. Trangressors are those who actively attempt to harm you. So if I had a husband who dared to abuse me, I would defend myself, and I expect a husband to do the same if the wife becomes abusive. This is the only time one should attempt to use any form of violence. It's interesting because we see so much oppression and violence against women in the West...and in the "Muslim World", does anyone know as to why that is? Why do we see so much anger and hostility against women? I've worked with abused Muslim women in the past to get over their trauma, and let me tell you all how difficult it is for women to have to recover from these incidents in their homes, psychologically speaking. Perhaps we all need to raise our children, siblings, and teach our parents that violence is not the answer.

[Gujju_Mitai]

From an Islamic perspective!!!!

Ladies!!!Allah has authorized a MAN to slightly hit his wife if she is being disobedient so your threats of COWARD,DIVORCE,BROTHERS etc don't really hold ground.
Those who think they could leave their husbands just for a one time beating are mistaken,again a woman in Islam could ask for "KHULA" she can NOT divorce her husband unless she smashes the commandments of Allah to the ground and adopts the western way of separation.A man only has the right to divorce his wife.

p.s don't ask me for a reference of where Allah has said to hit your wife;google is full of such references.

Yes God forbid you actually come up with references on your own for your OWN argument. Let me tell you something, Islam doesn't PREACH about abusing women, if you understand the original question, that is what was asked. And in Islam women have the right to walk away from their marriage. She can divorce her husband legally and religiously, you may find that out if you attempt to hit your wife (that is if you are married..and whom I feel sorry for).

[Son of Mountains]

A man came to Muhammad SAW and asked:
"If my wife does any mistake, what should i do?"
Muhammad PBUH said: "Forgive her".

Man again asked, Muhammad SAW again replied so
Man again asked, Muhammad SAW again replied so
Man again asked, Muhammad SAW again replied so
Man again asked, Muhammad SAW replied: "If your wife does 70 times mistake in a day, even then forgive her 70 times a day"

[Son of Mountains]

[QUOTE=sheenkay;64629]

what would you do if you get a husband who cheats on you .

and you caught him red handed :D

wont you get out of temper ?
[/QUOTE

divorce him or her

Divorce is the thing which is most disliked!
To break any relation is always disliked in Islam

[Son of Mountains]

^That is not true Son of mountains.

This is the case khorey

[Michin Khel]

Just as nothing would ever justify hitting a man, nothing justifies hitting a woman either. A man who dares to lay a hand on his wife does not deserve to be around ANY human -- including his own wife and kids.

The topic is not about man vs woman, it is about Husband and wife.

As we know that Men and women have equal status in islam but husband and wife are not equal in status, a husband is superior to wife in terms of relation and authority.

Now you can say that it is unfair but islam has in-depth reason for every thing including this case. Islam doesnt consider marriage between male and female as a commitment for sexual relationships only, the relationship is formed to make family also. Family is taken as an institution and husband is appointed as head or leader of the institution in islam. wife and kids are members of this institution and they are supposed to follow their leader to run the affairs of family successfully.

The husband has to control and moniter the family and has to deal the problems according to the circumstances.

If a muslim female agrees to marry a muslim male then it means she agrees to recognize the authority and superiority of husband over her. Marraige is a social contract and according to contract she is bound to obey her husband.

If the wife is rebelious and disobedient and husband is feeling that it may disrupt the family enviroment then he can deal with her in the three steps that are mentioned in Quran and remember that slight beating is the last option. If wife is still persistent and is denying the authority of her husband then it is better for her to take "khula" from him.

A wife cant beat the head of the family, husband. A mother (a female) can beat her child for his/her betterment but a child cant beat back her/his mother.

[Feroza_Banu]

Marriage in Islam is sunnah!... divorce in Islam is farz... don't ever forget this...

i am baffled by some of the responses that divorce shouldn't even be the last option or that divorce is wrong...

divorce is disliked... the most disliked farz by Allah swt but it is the best solution to get out fo an abusive relationship. once an abuser is always an abuser... a man that is not violent will not raise his hand on his partner no matter what.... and if once he raises his hand on his partner or beats her up... and she forgives him.. he will be more inclined to do this again....

let's not forget how it breaks a woman's image when she gets hit by her husband, her self esteem gets destroyed, which is why most of the battered women have a hard time getting out of the relationship. they have not self confidence or self esteem to be able to picture herself living a life outside of that situation.

battered women think that life is that . being abused is the right way of life for her and she learns to live with it. she starts thinking that what is happening to her is what she deserves and ultimately makes this a part of her daily routine. some women even start getting addicted to that treatment.

physical abuse has psychological effect. our brains are extremely complicated and the mental issues that arise from abuse are even more complicated...

[Khan Gul]

Reading your posts, I come to a conclusion that almost all here, who talk of divorcing and killing their husbands/wives for small matters, are not married yet and therefore, lack real experience.
In my twenty-four years' of married life, I recall at least two occasions when my wife hit me and that made me real angry, but that anger did not last for a day nor did it reduce my love and respect for her. In those twenty-four years, I hit her at least four times too, but my wife's anger did not last for more than a couple of hours.
In married life, even if you do your best, still hitting becomes unavoidable and there sure will be times when either the wife or the husband will do it, but this does not mean that it will wash all the love and respect both have built for years and years and trust me, these temporary fits of anger do not last longer than a couple of hours and a day at most.
The real bad thing, in my twenty-four years of married life, is using abusing her parents (da khra lur, da spi lur), and that is really something which no woman will take. I sometimes abuse her but using da word "da khra khazey" or "da spi khaze" and that really makes her love it

[Roshina]

Beautiful, Khan Gul Lala! May your marriage always be blessed!

[kakar]

Khan Gul.
you are a very wise man mashallah thank you for your wisdom full post.

[Roshina]

i am baffled by some of the responses that divorce shouldn't even be the last option or that divorce is wrong...

divorce is disliked... the most disliked farz by Allah swt but it is the best solution to get out fo an abusive relationship. once an abuser is always an abuser... a man that is not violent will not raise his hand on his partner no matter what.... and if once he raises his hand on his partner or beats her up... and she forgives him.. he will be more inclined to do this again....

let's not forget how it breaks a woman's image when she gets hit by her husband, her self esteem gets destroyed, which is why most of the battered women have a hard time getting out of the relationship. they have not self confidence or self esteem to be able to picture herself living a life outside of that situation.

Great post, guley!

Me, I think that in order for me to understand those who don't believe in divorce at ALL (and Mahzala Jaan implied (I may be wrong; forgive me if so, Mahzala) in her post that to get a divorce is to abuse your right to divorce), I would have to be in their shoes. For, right now, I cannot understand anyone for being SO against divorce that they think that they'd never, ever, ever take advantage of this right even if it is absolutely called for. I'm sure that each couple would know what's best for them when the time comes, and we have no right to decide whether they're wrong or right.

We have the right to divorce for an obvious reason: There are times when it's absolutely necessary. It should never be the first resort, and we should never go into a marriage with the thought that "Oh well, if my husband mistreats me, I can just divorce him because I have the right!" But when we have done everything in our power to keep the marriage healthy and safe for ourselves, our partners, and our children, and it's STILL not working, and/or our part STILL abuses us -- be it for just a year, 5 years, 10 years, however long -- then we being need to find a way out. Unless, of course, we are fine that way and we see nothing wrong in being treated like we're some lower class of humans by divine claims.

So, I don't support divorce as a first or second or third or fourth or 50th resort: I support it only when it's the very last resort, and nothing else in the marriage is working. When it comes to abuse, it depends on how severe the abuse is. A slap, for example, should not get a person to say, "Okay, that's it! I want divorce!" Each abuse is different. Personally, I think that insults and verbal abuses from a life partner would offend, hurt, and affect me MUCH more than would any physical abuses. Mental abuses last much longer, if not forever.

I beleive in patience - but only when you don't have to compromise your health and safety for it. I've heard women telling other women in abusive relationships, "It is God's command that we be patient, sister." And one has to wonder, "What? How much patience is required? And what do you do in a situation when your husband is being so abusive that you are close to committing suicide? And is he not required to have patience but only I am?" I am over 100% supportive of cooperation, and that means both partners are going to have to cooperate with each other to make the marriage a safe, happy (whatever happy means), and successful one.

However, I realize that most marriages that fail, be it for reasons to do with abuse, do so mostly due to a lack of communication between the partners. We need to understand that not all people are raised to believe, for instance, that to yell at a woman is disrespectful. So, some men do it without thinking it's wrong. It may be their fault for being too stupid to acknowledge the worth of another human, that even their OWN partner, but they also can't be blamed since they might be doing unconsciously. That's why, any woman who is ever mistreated by her husband -- mentally, physically, or emotionally -- should tell him how she feels about it. It's unfortunate that too many of us don't believe in expressing our feelings out loud with those we're involved with. It could solve a plethora of our problems if we resorted to communication, talking to each other. I mean, you're gonna be spending the rest of your life with this person; so why not TALK to him/her? I know of women who FEAR their husbands coming home! I know of women who are relieved when their husbands leave for work because they are like, "Finally, I can breathe!"
And you can tell that it's these types of women who, IF abused, will think that they deserved it or provoked it and that it's okay.

Lack of communication. It's one of the biggest problems in many, many marriages, both in the west and in the east. In the west, it may lead to divorce (not implying that divorce does not occur in the east); in the east, it may lead to extreme abuse (not implying that extreme abuse does not occur in the west).