Marriage to non-Pashtuns

[Khushal Khan Khattak]

^I think he means that,
it's a disgrace to even attempt to justify a Pashtun marrying a non Pashtun?

Hmmm...... OK yeah maybe that is what he meant.

Well I do second his opinion and agree to it in a way though for just the thought of it to be kanzal is a bit too strong!

but then, he is apreeday!! ha ha ha

[tor_khan]

Quite honestly, mixed marriages haven't ordinarily bothered me too much, but I was thinking about this on my long drive back from work today (300km round trip, so plenty of time to think). Mixed marriages happen for lots of reasons, but consider ...

One of the guys in the apartment block where I live has that typical Panjabee view of Pashtoons. We're backward and have the kinds of jobs (in the UAE) that are completely in the sub-service sector (i.e. we carry the sand on the building sites, we are watchmen or taxi drivers and we wash people's cars). We're also impolite, high on naswar, we're poorly educated and a good proportion of us are fundamentalist nutheads. He is also incredibly infatuated with the idea of marrying a "poor" fair-skinned Pashtoon women - a prize 'catch'. He is already married with three kids, so the second wife would be his trophy fantasy wife.

Pashtoons are not some racial elite, but you take this attitude of one individual and you can easily translate that into Pakistan state policy towards Pashtoons. The state has been complicit in slowly humiliating/killing off the menfolk because Pashtoon men irritate or represent a threat and Pashtoon male independence is not in the best interests of Pakistan. So it's appears to be fair game for the state to do it's best to try to neutralise us. Pashtoon women on the other hand do not a present the same level of threat. The media happily fantasises Pashtoon female beauty ... You know it's actually quite sordid when I think of it, and when a neice of mine recently chose a practising Muslim (Hindustani) match for herself, I wasn't too bothered.

But when I think of what other's think of Pashtoons, I am bothered. Islamically, if somebody seeks marriage, you don't block it, and this Panjabee guy asked "if I knew of someone". I don't normally think about punching people in the face ...

I actually feel rather sick at the thought, and no, I won't facilitate any matches, may Allah forgive me.

[Khushal Khan Khattak]

But when I think of what other's think of Pashtoons, I am bothered. Islamically, if somebody seeks marriage, you don't block it, and this Panjabee guy asked "if I knew of someone". I don't normally think about punching people in the face ...

Dont, dont help that jerk in any way!

I cant actually understand why and how you have been so nice to him.

Believe you me, if he had said all those things against Pushtuns to me, I would have kicked him in the nuts or something similar.

and one more thing, Pushtun Muslims marrying only Pushtun Muslims and none else isnt something un Islamic. The rule of Kafo/ Kafw supports this if you have a good nice decent religious Pushtun proposal. You can decline the non Pushtun one. Whether male or female.

[afghan]

^I agree.

but you must give importance to culture and religio..


would you give your daughter to a family who can't speak a word Pashto?

you havent read my post probably you from the contest what you need. i did preffer culture, and my Kids are growing according to pashtunwali. I would love my daughter, sister, neice or anyother relative of mine to marry a pashtun family, rather than a pashto speaker.

[Master Khan]

Quite honestly, mixed marriages haven't ordinarily bothered me too much, but I was thinking about this on my long drive back from work today (300km round trip, so plenty of time to think). Mixed marriages happen for lots of reasons, but consider ...

One of the guys in the apartment block where I live has that typical Panjabee view of Pashtoons. We're backward and have the kinds of jobs (in the UAE) that are completely in the sub-service sector (i.e. we carry the sand on the building sites, we are watchmen or taxi drivers and we wash people's cars). We're also impolite, high on naswar, we're poorly educated and a good proportion of us are fundamentalist nutheads. He is also incredibly infatuated with the idea of marrying a "poor" fair-skinned Pashtoon women - a prize 'catch'. He is already married with three kids, so the second wife would be his trophy fantasy wife.

Pashtoons are not some racial elite, but you take this attitude of one individual and you can easily translate that into Pakistan state policy towards Pashtoons. The state has been complicit in slowly humiliating/killing off the menfolk because Pashtoon men irritate or represent a threat and Pashtoon male independence is not in the best interests of Pakistan. So it's appears to be fair game for the state to do it's best to try to neutralise us. Pashtoon women on the other hand do not a present the same level of threat. The media happily fantasises Pashtoon female beauty ... You know it's actually quite sordid when I think of it, and when a neice of mine recently chose a practising Muslim (Hindustani) match for herself, I wasn't too bothered.

But when I think of what other's think of Pashtoons, I am bothered. Islamically, if somebody seeks marriage, you don't block it, and this Panjabee guy asked "if I knew of someone". I don't normally think about punching people in the face ...

I actually feel rather sick at the thought, and no, I won't facilitate any matches, may Allah forgive me.

Hope he doesn't a marry a pashtun girl, he sounds like a guy that I would shot...but he got wife and kids so I would just ignore him and hope he doesn't go near a pashtun girl.

[Master Khan]

You know what I will be honest with you.
If I had a daughter or Son I would never ever let them marry a non-Pashtun.
Our Family blood is 100% pashtun and it would stay that way.

[afghan]

So a Pashtun from lets say Argentina who speaks Spanish is fine? And He is Muslim.

either you are not a pashtun or still a child. you have no idea what a pashtun is? will you let your daughter, sister marry a panjabi, british, russian, arab who has learned pashto? pashtun marriages are not the bond only between two pepole, but it brings families, tribes together. if you know what the marriage is?

[Master Khan]

either you are not a pashtun or still a child. you have no idea what a pashtun is? will you let your daughter, sister marry a panjabi, british, russian, arab who has learned pashto? pashtun marriages are not the bond only between two pepole, but it brings families, tribes together. if you know what the marriage is?

aaoo kaana sai way.
I don't like like marrying outside my village.

[tor_khan]

Dont, dont help that jerk in any way!

I cant actually understand why and how you have been so nice to him.

Believe you me, if he had said all those things against Pushtuns to me, I would have kicked him in the nuts or something similar.

and one more thing, Pushtun Muslims marrying only Pushtun Muslims and none else isnt something un Islamic. The rule of Kafo/ Kafw supports this if you have a good nice decent religious Pushtun proposal. You can decline the non Pushtun one. Whether male or female.

Like I say, I don't normally think about punching people in the face ... I may have done so in the past, but that's another story ... to be honest, he's not on his own with those particular views and if we were to challenge negative views on Pashtoons every time we came across them with a violent reaction, then most of us we be at war (as if we aren't caught up in this already). Non-Pashtoons expect us to be violent - it's the negative stereotype that feeds the fear factor that they so use so effectively to propagate their own wars against us.

... And that was exactly my point ... slowly Pashtoon males are being picked off ... and in the process kind of leaves one half of the population exposed ...

I might be wrong about the last bit, but I think there is definitely a kind of fantasy around marrying a Pashtoon by non-Pashtoons. Again, I could be wrong ... it's just that many of us have experienced a mixture of contempt for our people as well as a desire from the same people ... it's completely odd, I know, but it's not without politics ...

Did you not give him a speech on how wrong that is? And how it's unacceptable to do that without the vonsent of his wife?

To be honest, Afghanlady, I'm not sure I would lecture anyone - Pashtoon or non-Pashtoon on the merits/pitfalls of single-wife/multi-wife marriages. It's not my place - I have relatives in happy multi-wife marriages and I don't think consent from the first wife was necessarily sought. In fact, I understand that whilst, desirable to do so, it isn't actually necessary.

What exactly is the guidance on this?

[شمله ور خراساني]

Khaney asked in the Misc. thread if we'd marry a non-Pukhtun. I think the topic deserves its own attention :D

Who would and who wouldn't?

I wouldn't but only because I will want my kids to speak Pukhto. So, it's not just the Pukhtun blood that matters to me; he has to speak the language and know the culture well as well. Otherwise, I wouldn't marry him.

And I don't support the belief that children are whatever race their father is. I believe if the child belongs to mixed parents, then he is mixed, and it's unfair of the parents to teach him the culture/language of only ONE parent's and not the other's, too. So I wouldn't prefer a non-Pukhtun not because I'm a woman but because I want my kids to be Pukhtun by blood AND by culture. It'd be too much work teaching them two language and cultures at the same time if their father isn't Pukhtun :D

We are not Jews. We are Muslims. And there is nothing wrong with marrying a non-Pashtun.

Some people say that Pashtun women should not marry non-Pashtuns. In our tribe people are very strict. They do not allow their women to marry men of other tribes. Unless if they are of a prestigious household. Which is nonsense. It is totally against Islam.

[afghan]

Either you cant read, or someone else wrote this post below.




You said "Rather than" I figured Pashto speaker was not important, so I was asking why?

I was asking if a Pashtun speaks Spanish instead of Pashto, Would you engage your daughter to them?


We are a family here wrora, no need to be so harsh.

still the same answer from me, let me explain, a pashtun who speaks spainish, but not a single word of pashto, i would like to know why he did not learn? how he values a family, what kinda family he is from? if he is from my tribe. there are hundreds of issues which have to be considered. its not so simple. there are millions of pashtun around the world, who have forgotton everything about pashtun and pashtunwali, simple example is pashtun who call thselves pathan in india, the only thing they know is that they are pathan, a true pashtun family keep their family history they know about their forefathers and where did they come from.
i was not harsh i find it insulting a bit, how many pashtuns have you seen giving away their daughter or sister to some one who is not from their tribe, relative or not respected in the society. my dear pashto is very limitted to speaking in pashtukhwah, even in kabul, i am sure very few honorable members of this forum can speak or write pashto, its possible their few generation might stop speaking it, But believe me they are great pashtun. culturally they have not changed. but you didnot answer my question. will you let your sister daughter marry some one who is a panjabi, russian, african, arab and speak pashto?

[Khushal Khan Khattak]

We are not Jews. We are Muslims. And there is nothing wrong with marrying a non-Pashtun.

Jews? No were not.

Israelites? Yes we are. I have a good repository of Sahih Ahadith that shows this. Sadly youv'e never come across them.

Some people say that Pashtun women should not marry non-Pashtuns. In our tribe people are very strict. They do not allow their women to marry men of other tribes. Unless if they are of a prestigious household. Which is nonsense. It is totally against Islam.

Kafw/Kafo.

Equal for equal even if it is perceived equal for perceived equal.

Consider the following situations of marriage between to individuals.
Who does one choose as spouse?

Situation #1:

person 1= Good Muslim+Non-Pushtun ------- person 2 = Bad Muslim+Pushtun

Answer = person 1.

Situation #1:

person 1= Good Muslim+Non-Pushtun ------- person 2 = Good Muslim+Pushtun

Answer = person 2.

This my buddy is Kafw/Kafo.

Go now and read it in the books.

[Shayesta]

My father would never give me away to a non-Pashtun, nor would i want to. Either he is Pashtun or i dont mind living in a shoe with a million pets.

Please don't mind me saying this, but what's the use of him being such a proud Pukhtoon if he never bothered to teach you Pukhto? Please don't mind Grane.

Laka wus da QANDHAR Awa german natnl da ADNAN SAMI sra wada wakru

Adnan Sami, as far as I know, is also a Pukhtoon and his wife is named Faryabi (province of Faryab) which is dominated by Uzbeks.


And about Pukhtoon women marrying non-Pukhtoons, you will be shocked once you visit back home. The number of Pukhtoon women marrying non-Pukhtoons is rising day by day but I at least I can say that unlike majority Pukhtoon men our Pukhtoon women DO have the Nang and Ghairat enough to at least speak Pukhto with their kids, when marrying non-Pukhtoons.

[Dinosaur Khan]

@shayesta

It is morally wrong for a pakhtun woman to show her arrogance by the name of nang and honour by enforcing pashto on her kids when married to a non-pashtun.
She should respect and adopt the langauge ,customs of the family to which she is married to.
Compared to the males, it is mostly female pashtun who chooses a non-pashtun partner, just like white females mostly marrying blacks while white males dont marry black women so much.

[Pakhtunzai]

^That rarely happens though.

The dad argues "No to Pashto,You must speak Italian with him"(If hes Italian).


By 2nd generation, Pashto does not even exist.

true say wrora, i've seen quite a few mixed pakhtun and indian/punjabi marriages and not one of them can speak a word of pakhto....they just say "oh im pathan"


Guys i want to know your opinion on this...what of those who are pakhtun blooded and mixed with others...and they wanted to go back to their pakhtun origins e.g marrying a pakhtun, learning pakhto and pakhtunwali again..would you consider it acceptable or dismiss it completely..