Marriage issue

[afridi_iphone]

Salaamona tolo Pukhtuna tha;

I have one question;
I know unfortunately most of our Pukhtanay Jelkay are uneducated. But can a well educated Pukhtun Halak get married with uneducated Pukhtana jalkay from back home.

I live in Canada and my parents want me to get married in back home from my mom side relatives. As I am not agreeing to that, I don't know but I found it hard and I think it would be hard for me to live with her because I did not seen her and she don’t know about me. Also I told my mom I want a girl who do parda and who save herself, also intellectual and well known into Islam.

My question is: is it OK to get married with uneducated or with educated girl in Pukhto culture? Would it be hard for both to understand each other or easier?
Yaoo Pukhtun Halak

[Feroza_Banu]

very confusing post...
and very fishy user name... very fishy english for someone living in Canada...

please explain further... i am not able to understand ur issue...

[Sheenka]

well, i have seen load marrying uneducated girls and they are happy with it
wish u good luck

[شمله ور خراساني]

educated or not educated, what matters if she is a good muslima or not. And to be a good muslima a woman needs to educated to know her religion.

So if you think education is important, you have to ask yourself what kind of education you care about.

If you are a good muslim, then you should look for a woman whop is educated in Islam.

[Fahd]

if u r the man then it's ok brother , because she will hear any thing from u and learn from u .(i think pashtun know what i mean )
but when some educted girl marry not educted pashtun man thats like ur putting ur self in hell and want to live like u r in heaven

[abubaker]

would you have married her if you were not Canada

how long have you lived in Canada

[Shamaar]

No man, marry an educated woman Inshallah. No offense, but leave the uneducated women for the uneducated men.

You have an education and might go down a professional path in life, marry a woman who is also is a similar situation. Most likely you guys will be compatible this way.

It sucks to see our educated men marrying village girls, and even educated girls here who somehow get engaged to villagers back home who can't even spell there own names.

If we want to create a powerful, elite society of Pashtuns in the West, then we have to marry people who are like us in terms of views, education, ideals etc.

Sorry if my post is a little weird. I feel kinda out of it.

[Feroza_Banu]

^Shamaar: with all due respect i disagree

why not marry uneducated and help educate them. If he is educated, well established, earns enough, he doesn't need his wife's financial stability to survive. he can marry someone who is uneducated but instead of keeping her uneducated he can pay for her education. she can start from scratch and progress little by little.

To build a strong, and powerful pashtoon community, I think we all have an obligation to help educate the ones that are uneducated. and i believe Pashtoon men and women that are financially stable and have attained degrees in higher education should think about what they have to do to give back to their community, and marrying an uneducated person and helping him/her get education should be a step in that direction.

Your post is not weird... and i understand yor point. it will not an easy task and life might not be as easy as it would be if you had married someone who has alot in common with you - but as a pashtoon we all have some duties towards our people towards our community... should we run away from them?

on the other hand if this iphone's intention is just to marry this uneducated girl, who can only cook and clean or be a house maid to him without any voice, any opinion or any education, then all she can do is just that... he shouldn't expect more frm her.

[Shamaar]

Yeah, I know what you're saying and all, and how it's kind of like a service to our people to marry an uneducated individual and "clean them up" etc.

However, I also mentioned compatibility and from what I've seen growing up, marriages like this don't last too long.

I've seen a number of young women whose families got them married off to an uneducated man from back home. Eventually the girl will leave him because of differences in mentality etc.

Also, I still strongly believe that to create an elite class within people one has to marry like-minded people. I know some are against elite classes and stuff, but it's those people who help nations out in their direst times. Like Israel was made by the money sent by the elite Jews in the US. If and when Pashtuns need money like that, we're going to need an elite class to help out kana?

[Fahd]

i forgot to tell u
thats ur life not ur parents and u should choose the girl and let ur parents ask about her if she a good girl for u or not (i mean they just give u what u think about her )
thats what i think it should be , because if they choose the girl for u and u don't like her . u gona hurt her and hurt ur self
i think u understand what i mean
and u should tell them that what i said

[afridi_iphone]

why don't you find a decent Pashtana in Canada?

There is always a fight on girl in my house between zama plar and mor jana. Dada says girls in back home are more mature, polite, and respectful and I can get along well with. Also they don’t demand for things as the one grow in west society. Here in Canada first its hard for me to find a good ones who save herself. Here in university I start feeling awkward when I see pukhtanay jalkay hanging out and Allah de rata mafi oke. Its hard for me to find a girl in Canada even I have some relatives but no I prefer from back. I hope this is your answer to your question.

[*Mahzala*]

First things first, welcome to you.

Secondly, and I pose this not only to yourself, what is to be educated? Personally, I do not consider anyone uneducated, for everyone has their strengths. Surely, it depends on the level of education of either side to make the judgment as to who is more or less educated. You, for instance, may have an undergraduate and/or postgraduate degree in your hands, and so clearly, a woman, fresh out of school looks less educated or uneducated to you. The point I am making here is we draw the line based on our own understanding and capacities. Sure, every man desires a woman who can help him in decision-making, be able to communicate on her own in a professional manner in and outside of the home, pass knowledge onto their children and not remain a lifelong translator in every situation and the likes, however, education is not limited to suit our western ideals. Education is not limited to a signed paper by a certain institution which acknowledges your qualifications. Those women back home learn most things, if not everything, the hard way. Their life experiences teach them much more than you can obtain at western tertiary institution and in most cases, that is what people value. I am in no way suggesting that a woman's education is not important, sure it is, for if you teach a woman, you teach humanity, but if you teach a man, you teach an individual. But, it does not necessarily mean that holding a degree equals understanding of motherhood and family ties. You can be a doctor, but you can't be a good mother. And at the end of the day, the strength a woman possesses in that area should be what every man should look out for, for she is the woman who sends her young men out into the community.

As per your question, sure it is okay. Open the pages of history, our Islamic history, and discover the true and most ideal relationships, that were saturated with love, tenderness, education and support, within the home, and out. At the end of the day it is up to you to stand by each other, despite your weaknesses, and that is success, not monetary gain.

[afridi_iphone]

I am agree with you Fahd gula .

[Fahd]

LOL yeh dad and mum
get her from back home
but u should know all things about her :P

[*Mahzala*]

LOL yeh dad and mum
get her from back home
but u should know all things about her :P

Not necessarily. How is it possible to know 'all things' about someone? That doesn't even happen over a lifetime of living under the same roof among siblings, let alone knowing a woman a few months or years prior to marriage. And either way, before marriage, everything is masked. Some of the best, and lasting relationships, are those that the spouses grow to love one another, over time. You begin to appreciate each and every new thing you discover about one another and you cherish those moments and give them value over other things. As Brit Chick (another member here) once said, a love marriage is one where you are marrying someone you love, and anything otherwise, you love the person you marry.