Pashtun Marriage problem (need advice)

[Niceguy91]

Hello, so I would like to start off by stating that I am not a pathan or pukhtoon from Pakistan. I am actually a mahajir (people who moved to Pakistan during segregation).

I am 23 years old and been living in Canada for most of my life. For a year now I have been seeing a Pathan women who is from Peshawar, Pakistan. She has also been living in Canada for most of her life.

For about two months now, we have decided to talk about marriage because that is something we want in the near future. However, her concern is that her parents might say no just because I am not "pathan". I like to state that I am well educated, have a good job, care and love her a lot, religious and I also live near their house.

She claims that she is 90% sure that her parents want a Pathan for her, and she has even overheard her parents about getting her married off in Pakistan to a Pathan.

So through discussion the female and I have discussed that I will eventually give a rishta to their family and she will stand up for me and try to fight for me. However, she says if they still say no she will have no option but to leave me.

I would like some suggestions or advice from the Pashtun community because I truly love this girl and she loves me as well, and everything is perfect between her and I except her parents (which is a big part). If you have any questions please feel free to ask and I will elaborate further. Thank you.

[HalloIsBack]

Hello, so I would like to start off by stating that I am not a pathan or pukhtoon from Pakistan. I am actually a mahajir (people who moved to Pakistan during segregation).

I am 23 years old and been living in Canada for most of my life. For a year now I have been seeing a Pathan women who is from Peshawar, Pakistan. She has also been living in Canada for most of her life.

For about two months now, we have decided to talk about marriage because that is something we want in the near future. However, her concern is that her parents might say no just because I am not "pathan". I like to state that I am well education, have a good job, care and love her a lot, religious and I also live near their house.

She claims that she is 90% sure that her parents want a Pathan for her, and she has even overheard her parents about getting her married off in Pakistan to a Pathan.

So through discussion the female and I have discussed that I will eventually give a rishta to their family and she will stand up for me and try to fight for me. However, she says if they still say no she will have no option but to leave me.

I would like some suggestions or advice from the Pashtun community because I truly love this girl and she loves me as well, and everything is perfect between her and I except her parents (which is a big part). If you have any questions please feel free to ask and I will elaborate further. Thank you.

i wish you both all the best

my advice to you to fight as much as you can

because if it will not work out you will always look back and regret that you didnot fight enough and you will always ask yourself what if i had did this and that

when she is married off to pakistan the most painful will be for you not that she got married but that she is pregnant and has got a child from another one and it could be yours. that will kill you the most!

try to spend as much as you can time with each other and keep good memories.

go this hard way! because after a hard way you can enjoy the fruits of your love the most!



i'm non muslim and non pashtun

[HalloIsBack]

[Adam]

Is every member of her family Pashtun? She got to have atleast a few Punjabi family members?

[HalloIsBack]

Is every member of her family Pashtun? She got to have atleast a few Punjabi family members?

just panjabi? if she has got non-pashtuns in her family then it's easier

BUT she is a girl and not a boy!

[Niceguy91]

Is every member of her family Pashtun? She got to have atleast a few Punjabi family members?

See she has no close family in Canada, so I don't know. It doesn't seem like there is any Punjabi in her family because all of her close family still live in Pakistan.

[Karachi]

I dont know if your a troll, but anyways it depends on the individual families. If her family is insisting only marrying pashtuns, then I suggest just end the relation, it will be troubling for you and her. Love is over rated, and is blinding. It takes you away from reality.

However, if they are open minded, then you can at least get the two families together for a meeting to see the compatibility.

I am also from Karachi and my brother is married to a girl from Peshawar, though in their case it was different, because the girl was born and raised in Karachi, she was more so a Urdu speaking girl, only her parents spoke pashto.

anyways which area of Canada do you live in?

[Niceguy91]

I dont know if your a troll, but anyways it depends on the individual families. If her family is insisting only marrying pashtuns, then I suggest just end the relation, it will be troubling for you and her. Love is over rated, and is blinding. It takes you away from reality.

However, if they are open minded, then you can at least get the two families together for a meeting to see the compatibility.

I am also from Karachi and my brother is married to a girl from Peshawar, though in their case it was different, because the girl was born and raised in Karachi, she was more so a Urdu speaking girl, only her parents spoke pashto.

anyways which area of Canada do you live in?

I am not trying to troll at all. I am seriously in love with a Pathan girl and shes in love with me. It's been a good year and we definitely want to get married. It has almost come to a point that we will not be able to live without each other. My girlfriend and so can her parents speak Urdu, although their first language is Pashto. I live in the Mississauga-Brampton area. I cannot explain it but, shes who I want to be with until the day I die.

[Badlun]

Some practical tips
1. Never use the word Pathan, which is a misnomer, a derogatory word and which means robber, kidnapper of children and used by Hindus and Punjabis for the invading Pashtun armies and later the mothers used it as a ghost to let their children asleep. Use Pakhtun/Pashtun instead.

2. Amongst the 70 millions of Pashtuns there is definitely exception to the rule that Pashtuns can marry non Pashtuns. Yours will not be the first case. Its not a totally hopeless cause but indeed very difficult.

3. Try learning Pashto language, some basics of Pashtuns' way of life, tenets of Pashtunwali and discuss it with your girlfriend and when possible with their family.

4. Many Mohajirs in Karachi are of Pashtun origin as Pashtun ruled India for centuries. Mohajir is not an ethnic group or race. Try to find out your racial stock. Even a Rajput family can have some chance with Pashtun family.

5. Have some sound degree, professional qualification, decent personality and better future prospects. Send your family to have some interaction with their family. Accumulate all positive points. Ask some crispy concrete questions here for more concrete advices.

[Pakwatan]

Some practical tips
1. Never use the word Pathan, which is a misnomer, a derogatory word and which means robber, kidnapper of children and used by Hindus and Punjabis for the invading Pashtun armies and later the mothers used it as a ghost to let their children asleep. Use Pakhtun/Pashtun instead.

2. Amongst the 70 millions of Pashtuns there is definitely exception to the rule that Pashtuns can marry non Pashtuns. Yours will not be the first case. Its not a totally hopeless cause but indeed very difficult.

3. Try learning Pashto language, some basics of Pashtuns' way of life, tenets of Pashtunwali and discuss it with your girlfriend and when possible with their family.

4. Many Mohajirs in Karachi are of Pashtun origin as Pashtun ruled India for centuries. Mohajir is not an ethnic group or race. Try to find out your racial stock. Even a Rajput family can have some chance with Pashtun family.

5. Have some sound degree, professional qualification, decent personality and better future prospects. Send your family to have some interaction with their family. Accumulate all positive points. Ask some crispy concrete questions here for more concrete advices.

This is the first time I am hearing that the word pathan is derogatory.

Can you elaborate further on this Badlun saab?

[Karachi]

I am not trying to troll at all. I am seriously in love with a Pathan girl and shes in love with me. It's been a good year and we definitely want to get married. It has almost come to a point that we will not be able to live without each other. My girlfriend and so can her parents speak Urdu, although their first language is Pashto. I live in the Mississauga-Brampton area. I cannot explain it but, shes who I want to be with until the day I die.

Btw, you are only 23, are you even established yet? did you finish university? do you have a good job? these things are the most important in marriage.

[gadoonwal]

pakwatan sahib,
The word pathan,afghan,sulaimani are words used by outsiders for pashtuns.
We never use this term in our daily life.
We use pukhtoon or pashtun not pathan.
pathan is the indainised name of pashtun.
afghan is iranizad name of pashtun
sulaimani arabized and turkified.

[IvNoName]

biji ki suniga tu mariga kalu

[Badlun]

This is the first time I am hearing that the word pathan is derogatory.

Can you elaborate further on this Badlun saab?

If you search the word Pathan here in the forums, or elsewhere, complete information is available that etymologically and historically the word Pathan is a derogatory one. I have written a lot of stuff on this issue in other threads.But as I said it is a misnomer, many do not know its connotations and even many Pashtuns call themselves Pathan proudly.

You just imagine when you say the word Pathan and Pashtun. With Pathan the image comes is of a watchman, chowkidar, bus driver, peon, naswar etc because we see Pathan in non Pashtun areas in this form. If you say the word Pashtun, you imagine a person with property, hujra, social status, warrior, land lord etc because this is the person we see in Pashtunland.

We are Pashtuns. Persians called us Afghan and Indian called us Pathan but we call ourselves Pashtun and we should be called by the name we call ourselves not others.

[afghan]

its not the first time a non-pashtun comes and asked these sorta questions. why never a pashtun man came here and asked if he can marry a non pashtun girl and how to make make his parents accept this fact.