Pashtun female honor

[Master Khan]

Uhh... no, Master Khana, I did not say that. I did not even imply that.

In fact, can you please quote me where I even hinted at the dumbness that parents should not teach their kids about their language/culture/religion?

This isn't about parents and children, by the way. This is about a husband telling his wife how to behave, a husband disciplining his wife because he thinks that she lacks the ability to judge for herself what's wrong and right. This is about young men like you who think that they need to "protect" their "women" from the western society when you yourself live in the western society but believe that it's wrong for a Pashtun woman to live in the western society.

So, remember that parents have EVERY right over us. They're our real guardians. It's their obligation as well as a right to protect us, nurture us, guide us, teach us what's wrong and right -- but then when we reach a certain age of understanding (according to Islam), that's it: We are responsible for our own actions and deeds. We'll have to enter the real world with whatever our parents blessed us with.

Spouses are supposed to work together and teach things to *each other.* Anyone who thinks it's his obligation to discipline his wife is just an illiterate kid who doesn't deserve a wife... or deserves only a wife who's just as illiterate as he is.

That's just how it is.

Yaara khor teengol kay, I am on about our pashtun females in western society and teaching them about our culture and religion because most muslim females here are not good if you look around then you will know.
And about husband and wife well they should both trust each other and keep each other happy.
as long as you fellow your culture and deen(man and women) then you will be fine in naalat com like in the west.
My mum always said a trip back home will always help them learn about their culture.

[Khan Gul]

To confine women to the four walls and deprive her of her rights Allah has given her is the greatest disrespect to them. In my view we can show the real respect to women by providing them all the opportunities to educate them to the extent that they begin feeling themselves secure anywhere they are living, working....and to stand boldly, without fear, to whatever come their way.

[Master Khan]

To confine women to the four walls and deprive her of her rights Allah has given her is the greatest disrespect to them. In my view we can show the real respect to women by providing them all the opportunities to educate them to the extent that they begin feeling themselves secure anywhere they are living, working....and to stand boldly, without fear, to whatever come their way.

We are not disrespecting them but looking after them, Yes we should Educate them, respect them and always keep happy but we also we need to look after them and protect them from bad people.
The western culture is not for us.

[Shayesta]

The problem with some Pukhtoon families is they think too much about their honour and don't trust their women. They think by locking women up our women will be raised like an angel and will command to what will be said to them, not knowing that like that women will be raised with hatred and will only command to their men because they haven't been taught any better. They don't realise that if they forbid a woman from something then the woman will feel the need to do that particular thing just to find out why she is being refused to do so? They should just trust their women (and also keep an eye if they feel insecure) and see that if they give their women enough freedom, their women won't be doing things they were afraid she would.

I have always been given the freedom to study anything I want and be friends with appropriate people and as soon as I turned fourteen years old (age legally required to start working) I started to work and sometimes I used to work till eleven PM. And I can consider myself very lucky because not even once my brothers asked me, 'Shayesta, what kind of friends do you have and why do you work till so late?' Because they trusted me and knew that I know my limits and I work because I want to earn for myself and help my brothers in earning for the family. There were some people who were amazed that that my brothers didn't mind me working till late (even though I was working along with my brothers) and were absolutely shocked when my younger brother said, 'I don't like being told by my sister what to do and what not to and where to go and where not to go. That's why I don't interference with my sister either because I don't want to face her with something I would never want to be faced with. If a man isn't anyone's property, then nor is a woman.' And this is why I am so proud of my brothers and SO glad everything that has been done to my aunts, mother or grandmothers isn't being done to me and my sister.

A woman's honour doesn't lay behind locked doors and strictness, it lays behind love of her family and softness of her brothers and father. Just trust her once and tell her you confide her, and she will never cross her limits, this way women won't even think of insulting their family's trust and love and will protect her family's honour without her family even mentioning this to her. Especially a Pukhtana.

[Roshina]

Thanks for your views, Shayesta! I wholeheartedly concur!

So, clearly, everyone has a different understanding of respect and disrespect. Perhaps someone might think that Female X is being disrespected by her husband/father/brother, but Female X might feel as though she's being highly respected. Similarly, a female might think she's being respected by the male members of her family, but in reality (or so it may seem to outsiders), she is actually being disrespected.

Sometimes we do things that WE believe are "respectful" but in reality may not be -- in fact, they might be quite offensive to others, or the person we're doing them to. That's why we need to know who we're dealing with and not assume that what we're doing is great and well just because it's great and well *to us*.

[Master Khan]

Shayesta you been to your country alot so you know about your culture and deen

[Shayesta]

^ Not really, I left my country when I was only five and this year (after fifteen years) I saw the face of my country again.

[Mayana]

A woman's honour doesn't lay behind locked doors and strictness, it lays behind love of her family and softness of her brothers and father. Just trust her once and tell her you confide her, and she will never cross her limits, this way women won't even think of insulting their family's trust and love and will protect her family's honour without her family even mentioning this to her. Especially a Pukhtana.

Quoted for truth.

Never was I told, "Mayani, don't do this, don't do that, don't let men touch you and don't flirt." Common sense and self-respect. Because my family has trusted me so much.. I never even felt a desire to break that trust. You learn to develop your own set of values, your own morals and your own principles. You learn self-respect and honor. Not once has a guy laid his hand on me. You teach people how to treat you. Have self-respect and men are forced to respect you. They'll be hitting on every other girl in the group of friends.. just not you.. why? Because you have self-respect.
The honor of a woman doesn't lie behind locked doors, doesn't lie in her cleavage or between her legs. It's in her face, in her very eyes, and nobody would ever even approach an honorable woman in a wrong way.. and why? Because she is daunting, she is intimidating, she is assertive. Men are too intimidated by her piety and by her decency, by her honor and self-respect to even start thinking of disrespecting her by hitting on her.

That is the honor of a woman. That even if a male approaches her in a flirty way, she responds and reacts in such a way that at the end, she can leave with her head held up high and he won't be able to hold his head high up anymore because he was put in check.

[Mayana]

Mayana I agree with you. But how often does the girl put a guy in check?

Hmm.. I'll count tomorrow and let you know :D

haha jk... nah I know what you mean.. which is why I agree with our beloved brothers being protective. I like protective men, it shows they care.

[Mayana]

Mayana it's cause we care for our sisters and wifes.

If you ladies want us to leave you guys alone. there is nothing Pashtun left in us anymore.

Oh I totally understand and respect that.. and never would I ask you brothers to stop caring or do anything that conflicts with your ghairat. I believe it's an honor for us Pashtun women to have men that care so us so tremendously. All I'm saying is that women also have a big influence on how they are being treated and on protecting themselves.. But as I said, men need to be protective. =)

[IamDZJ]

o and i can open the door for myself thank you very much...

[IamDZJ]

it's a lot more fun when they give you the space and let you be independent but watch out for you from the distance. i feel 50 times more vulnerable when a man defends me than otherwise. it's like being told you are no good for the job.

[IamDZJ]

i totally missed the honor part. my bad.

[Levanaye Zalmaye]

I love this about our culture. The fact that our men care so much about us and our honor.

We are proud of what we do!

[شمله ور خراساني]

We are proud of what we do!

Thats better than the concept of abolishing marriage so people can have sex with everyone they please which is a very common ideal among Socialists.