Need some help, what should I do?

[BLS_1919v2.0]

I'm just helping Zahia out. I have seen many muslims come to north america (not just pashtuns) who date a girl and then break up with her when its time for marriage. I guess having a boyfriend/girlfriend in Islam is wrong, so if they're willing to break those rules anyway...I don't know if they're the marriage type - right?
Marriage, no matter to whom its with, is sacred between a husband and a wife. He shouldn't be with his wife and comparing her to the other 10 girls hes had previously. That is why Islam doesn't allow boyfriends/girlfriends.
In my situation, he has proposed and got me a ring and spoke to my family and his, but the families on both sides aren't agreeing. I am just giving it time, if not, I know it is not Allahs will. As much as I love Pashtun's, I wouldn't want to marry someone and create stress from the beginning. Because I don't have a mother or father that talk to me anymore, I want to marry someone who has a family that will take me in as a daughter. If I can't have that...then I am not interested - no matter what culture they're from. I just happen to fall in love with the most strict, tight-knit culture in the world. *Lucky me...sigh*

Good luck, my own uncle married a britisher (white) so it didn't initially sit well with my mom, but she accepted her. Now she is apart of our family, and inshallah she will get a hold of the language. There is room for reconciliation. Allah u aalim.

[Zahia]

I did what you all suggested and gave him one last chance. He told me he won't tell his parents, but that he does love me, though its his duty to marry this girl. I'm letting it go. I told him not to contact me any more. For now I'll keep praying and know that it is Allah's will. I'm going to keep my trust in him that he will make the path right for me. Thank you everyone for your help, advice, support and kindness. If its alright with all of you, I'm here to stay. My love of your language and culture has not diminished one bit.

[Iqra]

I did what you all suggested and gave him one last chance. He told me he won't tell his parents, but that he does love me, though its his duty to marry this girl. I'm letting it go. I told him not to contact me any more. For now I'll keep praying and know that it is Allah's will. I'm going to keep my trust in him that he will make the path right for me. Thank you everyone for your help, advice, support and kindness. If its alright with all of you, I'm here to stay. My love of your language and culture has not diminished one bit.

May Allah bless you with goodness and happiness inshaAllah.

Even if it wasn't alright with someone (doubt anyone like that is around), you'd just point and I'd take care of them

[Marwat]

you must stay.

[MazloomyarMaseed]

So you're saying when a non-Pashtun is married to a Pashtun, conflicts happen? I wouldn't say boundaries is if someone is from the same culture. I would agree with kunarboy, if they're both Muslim and follow Islam, there are no boundaries being passed.
Islam is a lifestyle, Pashtun peoples lifestyle is to follow Islam. Thats why I naturally feel drawn to pashtuns, because I stick close to my religion, and when I do what Islam asks as a woman 100%, then I find I relate to Pashtun women who also follow their religion. It does go hand in hand. On the other spectrum, my mom is Lebanese, and they're (for the most part and I apologize for stereotyping) more liberal and more into fashion. So to have a pashtun man marry a muslim-lebanese woman, then I can see conflict, because they way they follow Islam is different.

But its closed-minded families that I have been around that do not accept a Muslim because they are not Pashtun or Arab or whatever it may be. What do converts like me do when it comes to marriage? I can't marry a Muslim ever, because they all come from a culture? And I abandoned mine? See..this is where it no makey sensey!

Pashtuns should stick to Pashtuns. People who marry outside of their culture, not only cause problems for their Half children, but their roots are also destroyed by creating confusion of who they are.

Why should Islam be used here to destroy a culture and its roots. You really think a Pashtun society would look good with Africans and Arabs and Europeans with Pashtun women/Men? It would look like a hell hole.

In the UK, there is an influx of Kurds, they all seem to marry White British Women, At times, i feel very sorry for the white males, you can live anywhere on the world, but never put aside your identity.

[IamDZJ]

[Muslimah]

Zahia,
Only a few Pashtuns seem to be very negative to outsiders. So few that I can count them on one hand. Alhamdulillah almost everyone here is supportive.

strategistmaseed,
Your take on things is rather interesting. I feel like you and I might butt heads a bit. Just a heads up! Don't take anything to heart. I know people like you probably want Pashtuns to be pure and not marry anybody and everybody. I agree with that, because what culture would you have if you all married outside. But what I am saying (and this is from personal experience), is there are people like me, who have NO culture because I was forced to abandon mine by accepting Islam. I am looking to adopt a culture that fits me and my beliefs. And I find myself relating more to the pasthuns than arabs, indians, pakistani, etc. My fiance can clearly see that whether he was with me, or with a pashtun woman, the only difference our children would see, is the fact that I was born in Canada. I have an aunt who married a Greek guy (keep in mind my family is Christian), she became greek-orthodox, learned greek, taugh greek, her kids both grew up and married Greeks. She was born in Canada and is Lebanese, but she adapted so much to the culture because she loved her husband, and her kids knew no different. So quite frankly, I think I will make an awesome pashtun wife, and raise wonderful pashtun kids, no matter where I live and where I was born. Don't believe me? Lets talk after 25 years.

[MazloomyarMaseed]

Zahia,
Only a few Pashtuns seem to be very negative to outsiders. So few that I can count them on one hand. Alhamdulillah almost everyone here is supportive.

strategistmaseed,
Your take on things is rather interesting. I feel like you and I might butt heads a bit. Just a heads up! Don't take anything to heart. I know people like you probably want Pashtuns to be pure and not marry anybody and everybody. I agree with that, because what culture would you have if you all married outside. But what I am saying (and this is from personal experience), is there are people like me, who have NO culture because I was forced to abandon mine by accepting Islam. I am looking to adopt a culture that fits me and my beliefs. And I find myself relating more to the pasthuns than arabs, indians, pakistani, etc. My fiance can clearly see that whether he was with me, or with a pashtun woman, the only difference our children would see, is the fact that I was born in Canada. I have an aunt who married a Greek guy (keep in mind my family is Christian), she became greek-orthodox, learned greek, taugh greek, her kids both grew up and married Greeks. She was born in Canada and is Lebanese, but she adapted so much to the culture because she loved her husband, and her kids knew no different. So quite frankly, I think I will make an awesome pashtun wife, and raise wonderful pashtun kids, no matter where I live and where I was born. Don't believe me? Lets talk after 25 years.

Dear Khorey

Please do not take my comments as racist or racial.

Pashtuns from my knowledge are a mixed bunch of people, I have a cousin who has blue eyes, blondish hair and very fair skin, but his brother has green eyes, very dark face, and black hair, this is unique about Pashtuns, as we are all one identity but different features.

My concern is our identity loss due to foreign cultures at present, European woman for example is like a status here, if a man brings over a Angreeza(Englishwoman) he is rated very highly AMONGST those like him.

In Europe, identity,cultures are well established, which makes your average person there not threatened at all by others marrying their women/men, Pashtuns on the other hand are sadly divided, have no reconised identity, bombed,slaughtered, our language is dumped and replaced with others etc etc etc

before these issues are resolved, i would continue to oppose inter marriages with others.

Regards