Need some help, what should I do?

[Roshina]

how does his mom dress?

Oh my. Why would you ask such a question on a public forum? And care to elaborate why this should matter to Zahia or to you? I don't think it's anyone's business, and it shouldn't play a role in Zahia's decision of marrying or not marrying the guy.

[Roshina]

Read all her posts.

Bro, I don't reply to a thread unless I've read each post, and if I haven't read each post, I say it so before replying - just in case someone else has already answered a question I might be asking or said what I want to say.

Please do not assume, It actually means a lot if you had thought about it.

I know that whether her dress is "liberal" or "conservative" might say a lot about her to many people, but I still don't see the significance of asking this on a public forum. What if it's, "She wears shorts"? Can you imagine the response of everyone here then? You know we love to attack those who don't dress or think like we do.

If the parents are super liberal, Id post a response similar to it. If the parents were conservative wearing a niqab my response would be different.

Sure - but perhaps the family is liberal in thinking but not necessarily so in dressing. My point is, Zahia didn't ask us if this guy is right for her; she asked us what she should do. She obviously believes/knows she loves him and wants to marry him, so all she needs from us to inform her about the Pukhtun way of approaching this problem of a non-Pukhtun girl and a Pukhtun boy wanting to marry each other.

My point is, I'm sure Zahia knows how to decide if her mother-in-law is a good woman or not without looking at her dress.

[Zahia]

He is only 25 and has been in America for 9 years. He does not dress conservatively, but his parents do. We have known each other for over a year. At first we would only see each other around school, and he would look away, or just walk away, but finally he started talking to me. Its funny, he will say to me, "remember the day you were wearing ..., or talking to ..." and I just look at him and say, "you knew who I was then?" We haven't stop talking since that day and talk about everything, our cultures, religion, you name it.

[Zahia]

Sis, how confident are you the he is 100% single?

I have always been 100% confident. It never crossed my mind. He told me he was single and I believed him and still do. I trust him. The fact that his family has been actively looking for a wife for him has only reinforced the fact of his singleness in my mind.

[Zahia]

My mom is from Beirut.

InshAllah you will marry him.


Please keep us updated with every little thing..

Your Mom is really from Beirut??? That is amazing!! Keifek!!! Thank you for your prayers.

[Max]

lol dunno if you should be getting advice for such an important descion from a forum..anyways back in highschool my mom saw me with this white girl once, i think mine and her mom got into a fight later that day ..but yeah pakistanis/afghans our families are pretty conservatives and so far the dudes ive seen have no balls when it comes to talking to their parents

[Max]

^ whats PF gonna do to support her ? talk to their parents ? are we gonna send the parents a request to register and then discuss the rishta with them in a thread haha

[Nokia_Apridy]

Da Alak na Tapos kwan pukar da hasay na chay halta

ya sok da menay lar sareyyy ao sarey ta daga Matal nashey charay

chay DA KALI PAGHLA PASRA WI ...

[afghan]

Its wonderfull to see the positive attitude of members of this forum towards your situation.i do understand whats going through that young man mind? i have benn through all this myself, you cannt believe the fair i went through. i could not tell my parents for long time, even i was scared to speak to any of my family members. i was scared to be alianated, and thrown away, it was hard to speak to anyone. i thought i will betray my parents marrying someone not of my tribe or a non-pashtun. the parents know their children alot better than we know our parents. everything turned out very easy, when i spoke to my younger brother. he didnot promise anything but couple of days later, my life changed, everything seemed like it was meant to be that way. my parents doesnt seem any diffirent from the parents of the young man you have described. His brothers or sisters can speak to his parents, once they realise how serious the situation is they will certainly understand. Good luck.

[afghan]

also

I am not trying to sound negative but sister....Pakiawal are known to be marry at 16-17 please make sure he does not have a wife back home and is playing 2 games...

my dear in your paaaki-indian culture its very common to marry for dowry. if he is married why would his parents look for a wife for him?

[Iqra]

just to add it was a love marriage between my mom and dad.

my mom is very happy wuth him.

Awww mashaAllah, May Allah tala always make them happy inshaAllah, along with the rest of the married couples InshaAllah.

Look sister.

Follow my advice. Force him to speak to his parents immediately. If he says he is shy. Threaten to leave him if he does not tell them about you.


He can at least give a hint that you exist. If he truly loves you, he will do it.

Honestly, I am not sure if he follows through with what is commanded would prove his love.Just because he doesn't have the guts or whatever you want to call it to speak to his parents, doesn't mean he doesnt like/love you...or does it? I dunno :|

The only thing is, with some people I've seen is that they are all for the love idea and what not, but at the same time they can't break their parent"s heart (family's heart). I mean I am not saying that they'd be disappointed with a girl like you, but when your family has these expectations, it's hard for a person to go against them... esp if their family holds them in high regards or always expresses these expectations...

Does he have older married siblings?

Make tons of dua, for yourself and for him, and pray that if it is in your khair to let it happen, and if it is not in your khair to separate your paths inshaAllah.

*disclaimer* I don't know much...

[Zahia]

I could never force him to talk to his family, and wouldn't want to. We are talking to a friend of his that knows his family (he's an older gentleman) and he is going to try and help us.
On the upside, I saw him today for about 15 minutes while he was on his way home. He stopped by a store I was at so he could 'run into me'. I'm feeling a little happier today, since I got to say hi to him, and we're talking to the family friend tomorrow. I'm hoping that he can help us because he has also known me for over a year.
All of his older siblings are married and from what he says, happily so. We're hopefully going to try to have me meet his mom and dad soon, since I have to take a class out of state for 3 months at another university and it starts in about 2 weeks.

[Marwat]

I could never force him to talk to his family, and wouldn't want to. We are talking to a friend of his that knows his family (he's an older gentleman) and he is going to try and help us.
On the upside, I saw him today for about 15 minutes while he was on his way home. He stopped by a store I was at so he could 'run into me'. I'm feeling a little happier today, since I got to say hi to him, and we're talking to the family friend tomorrow. I'm hoping that he can help us because he has also known me for over a year.
All of his older siblings are married and from what he says, happily so. We're hopefully going to try to have me meet his mom and dad soon, since I have to take a class out of state for 3 months at another university and it starts in about 2 weeks.

I will pray for you.


Its not really difficult so don't worry. It takes time. Paktiya are very proud people. You should just be straight-forward to him and have him tell his mom.

A mom heart is very diff.

[Zahia]

I will pray for you.


Its not really difficult so don't worry. It takes time. Paktiya are very proud people. You should just be straight-forward to him and have him tell his mom.

A mom heart is very diff.

Thank you Marwat. I have told him that I very much want to be introduced to his family. Inshallah, he will just do it without me pushing him further. I agree with you, they are very proud. That's something I love about him though, that he knows where he came from and is knowledgeable and proud of it.

[Zahia]

I speak Eastern pretty well and understand it best. I can speak SW if I have to, but I understand it. I'm starting to learn Peshwari Pashto from my 'friend', the grammar is a little different for me though.