Rights of parents in west...can you slap your child there?

[Ashiq]

^ fear and love don't reside in one.

If a parent is able to discipline his or her child out of love for their well-being, then as such one is able to fear and love Allah at the same time.

[IamDZJ]

If a parent is able to discipline his or her child out of love for their well-being, then as such one is able to fear and love Allah at the same time.

i don't know how you made that connection but whatever floats your boat buddy.

[Ashiq]

Well, I believe in God, and I love Him but I also fear Him because I know that He watches over every single action of mine.

If I misbehave or if I harm others, I know that He is severe in punishment. However, if I behave and do good to others, I know that He is all kind. Moreover, I know that out of His infinite mercy, He could forgive me for something wrong that I did and hence not punish me. Moreover, I know that He could put me through trials just to strengthen my belief in Him. Therefore, if He punishes me it is for my own understanding of why I should behave, and if He forgives me it is because He has seen the reason why He should forgive me and not punish me. Therefore, I love Him and fear Him.

A parent has the same capacity. A parent does not wish harm for their child, they wish good, and sometimes to bring up their child they have to be harsh, otherwise the opposite would happen.

A boy once stole an egg. When he brought that egg home, his mother was happy and kissed him. The boy thought of that as a good act, because it got the pleasure of his mother. Anyway, to make a long story short, the boy became a big time thief to the point that when he was found guilty for a huge heist his punishment was death by hanging. But before they were to hang him, he requested to speak to his mother. When his mother came, he asked his mother to stick out her tongue because he wanted to kiss it. When she did stick out her tongue out, he bit it and said: had you stopped me the first time with that tongue of yours and not kissed me today I would not be executed.

So, if parents inculcate their fear in their child for their own good, the child becomes a good citizen. If a parent can inculcate the love and fear of God in their child, then the child becomes a good citizen, a good child, and good worshiper.

[IamDZJ]

i can understand a parent's concern and need of wanting to cast that fear on their children and i do understand a child's respond to that in the form of obedience but not love. tricking some one in to believing or understanding something you are incapable of explaining to them with out having them fear you first is still treachery.
that someday they might grow up to understand why you did what you did is you putting a distance between them and that understanding. the child stealing the egg from some one else was wrong done to the third person by the child but you punishing the child for their inability of understanding something you never explained to them is you doing wrong to them.
people lose trust in each other when they are told lies. when a child learns to trust you with something, they will value and respect your judgment and you just telling them something is wrong will be enough to take care of the matter.

i respect, admire and fear God but i do not love him.

[Ashiq]

I am pretty sure that if someone does not listen to their parents they will lose that respect and love from their parents. So, the fear of losing the love of your parents and their respect makes someone obedient and dutiful. The same is true for God.

God is all loving, without a doubt. There is not point in respecting and admiring and fearing God if it is not done out of love. Love is the ultimate goal for a believer. This is what Allah mentions in the Quran. We should love God first and foremost and understand the meaning of love by loving Him. Loving God is the only means to understanding what love is, otherwise, one will never know what is the true definition of love.

[Ashiq]

One should never fool a child for unjustified reasons, NEVER, however, if one knows the ultimate consequence of an action, then whichever way it will take to get the message across one should.

If a child wants to put their hand in fire, a parent will stop their child. The child will fight the parent because the child does not understand what the parent knows. So, in order to distract the child the parent should use some reverse psychology or some distraction. This does not constitute fooling the child in a bad way, absolutely not. It is for the benefit of the child. If the child left unattended or out of fear for not "fooling" it then its actions can be life threatening in certain cases. Let us take AIDS as an example, if the parent does not do their best to try to sway their child from sexual promiscuity because they fear do not want "fool" the child, then the consequence of that could be that their child could get AIDS because they are so promiscuous.

Some fooling is not bad.

Another example, let us take Fajr prayers for example.

One of my friends drinks a lot of water before they go to sleep. He knows that he has a hard time waking up for Fajr, even with his alarm clock beeping forever. So, he tries to fool his mind by drinking a lot of water so that he will be forced to go to the washroom, hence breaking his sleep.

[IamDZJ]

even hitler justified what he intended to do with the jews before he actually did it. one always thinks he/she is right before he/she takes an action.

[Ashiq]

The problem with Hitler was the lack of proper moral basis. That is why it is important to fear Allah and love Him at the same time.

Had Hitler feared Allah, he would have known what is right and what is wrong. Killing people randomly is totally wrong.
Had Hitler loved Allah, he would have known that Jews are also Allah's creation and there is no superiority of one race over another, or to use the Jews as a scape-goat for whatever reasons he had.

Hitler's action were as such because he lacked feared of Allah and lacked love for Allah.

[IamDZJ]

The problem with Hitler was the lack of proper moral basis. That is why it is important to fear Allah and love Him at the same time.

Had Hitler feared Allah, he would have known what is right and what is wrong. Killing people randomly is totally wrong.
Had Hitler loved Allah, he would have known that Jews are also Allah's creation and there is no superiority of one race over another, or to use the Jews as a scape-goat for whatever reasons he had.

Hitler's action were as such because he lacked feared of Allah and lacked love for Allah.

okay, hi
you really think that every one in this planet who is capable of having children or already does have a few has the entire moral belief thing down properly??that their judgment of when and how their children should be punished can be trusted???

you think hitler did what he did because he had some type of awkward desire for wanting to burn in fires of hell?? he wanted to give germany freedom. he wanted to be a hero.

[Laila]

Ummm i have very mixed feelings about 'physical discipline.' I, myself never got slapped from my parents. They never laid a finger on me. However, my brother was very mischieves, and my mother would slap him sometimes. But the problem was, he picked it up, and thought it was okay to hit others. He would hit his classmates, other kids older than him, and even his sisters sometimes. So i think this does have a toll on some kids. They find it okay to hit others.

I read somewhere, that majority of children that have been disciplined like that, get more aggressive towards themselves and/or others.

Now like i said, I personally have mixed feelings about it....because i have seen the neagatives effects with my brother.

Now, for some children it does work. It does discipline them so that they know they will get punished for their wrong doings. For some it does not, and just leaves negative effects, some that are even long term.

Over all, i think the parents should just do what is appropriate for their child, i cannot speak for them, they are not my own. But i will discipline my children when doing wrong, and instead of punishing all like that, but let them know why it was wrong and why they are being punished for it. I am more of the time out person (hopefully it works)

[Michin Khel]

I will break the bones of my kids if they dare to disobey me.
Discipline is key to success.

[Alchemist]

YouTube - Russell Peters - Beating Your Children

[Ashiq]

okay, hi
you really think that every one in this planet who is capable of having children or already does have a few has the entire moral belief thing down properly??that their judgment of when and how their children should be punished can be trusted???

you think hitler did what he did because he had some type of awkward desire for wanting to burn in fires of hell?? he wanted to give germany freedom. he wanted to be a hero.

I don't know what exactly you are trying to say here, but I don't believe in hitting your child or fooling your child as a general practice. However, as a last resort in order to get the message across, if all else fails, then the parent should use extremely light force only as a means of getting the message across, in order to scare him by means of physical abuse. This should not be done to hurt the child; and, it should not be done as a practice. Moreover, fooling one's child is sometimes necessary because of their inability to understand certain things due to immaturity of age or lack of maturity.

[IamDZJ]

I don't know what exactly you are trying to say here, but I don't believe in hitting your child or fooling your child as a general practice. However, as a last resort in order to get the message across, if all else fails, then the parent should use extremely light force only as a means of getting the message across, in order to scare him by means of physical abuse. This should not be done to hurt the child; and, it should not be done as a practice. Moreover, fooling one's child is sometimes necessary because of their inability to understand certain things due to immaturity of age or lack of maturity.

good luck

[Ashiq]

Carrot and stick policy doesn't apply to children. You just have to treat them with love and give them lessons rather than a chaplaka.

I second this 100%.

I don't agree with hitting or fooling children. I believe that parents should train themselves to exercise utmost patience when it comes to children; it will inculcate good habits in them and in turn they would raise their own children with the same standards.