What I want in a woman

[IamDZJ]

and every man have a different definition of princess.

like for example beghirata ppl think they are treating thier womens like princess when they let them do whatever they like and want, wear whatever she want and like, show her beauty to all the world and he would be proud of her infront of his friends when they tell him *woooow your wife is sooooooo HOT* and he would be like * thanx* while he is so stupid and don't know that his own friends using thier imagination about her and would love to cheat with her., and he thinks he treat her like a princess.

and for another example a bi*ch would love her hubby let her do whatever she want and to show her beauty and to get the attention of the sick men, and think her husband treat her like a princess.

there is limits in everything. if you live this life without limits then you are a waste.

and islam have showed us the limits of everything, alhmdolilah.

i was assuming your wife has a brain. i didn't know you were dumb enough to marry someone who wants to attract the attention of sick men towards herself. also, the "princess" in that quote was a phrase. no woman in her right mind would want to be treated as princess by the man she loves.

and mind you, just because your wife is ill mannered doesn't mean you have the right to use her as a punching bag or joke about using her as a punching bag. you talk sense to her and if that doesn't work then you divorce her. that's assuming you were an idiot who didn't see it coming before you married her.

[randolph85]

If you want a Flawless wife then you have Decided to live lonely.

no wonder i am still single.

[Alchemist]

an interesting read:

The 38-year-old relationship virgin

For nearly four decades, I have missed out on one of the most essential parts of human nature: Romantic love

BY ERIN AUERBACH


A few years ago at my second cousin’s bat mitzvah, one of my aunt’s friends approached me. She dispatched with three sentences of small talk before she placed her hand on my shoulder and leaned forward. “So, have you met anyone? Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked. Then she lowered her voice. “Or even a girlfriend?”

I guess I should have expected my extended family to publicly speculate about my sexual orientation. My aunt’s children all attained marital status in their 20s. Believe me, they had no choice: In that circle, you’re nobody until somebody has compromised your surname.

But I’m not just single. At 38 years old, I have never been in a serious relationship. You read that right. That wouldn’t be so embarrassing if I were 20. Or even 27. But after nearly four decades on earth, I have managed to miss out on one of the most essential components of human nature: romantic love.

Don’t get me wrong — I’ve had boyfriends, bed buddies and dates. I’m not quite America’s answer to Susan Boyle. But I have managed to reach this age without a relationship that lasted more than six months. My teenage cousins have had more enduring romances. I’ve never experienced the agony of wondering if a marriage proposal was around the bend. I’ve never signed cards from the both of us. I’ve never even been able to bring a plus-one to formal events. If I were born a few generations earlier, I would have been relegated to house mother, schoolmarm or reclusive poet by now. Instead, I live in an age when female liberation allows me to recklessly dive in to any relationship I want.

Unfortunately, I don’t know what that might be.

Solitude set in early. I didn’t date in high school. Nothing quashes a teenage boy’s libido like a fat, near-sighted choir nerd. But that’s no excuse. Bad skin, weight problems and an unapologetic affection for show tunes didn’t stop my fellow dweebs from finding love once they left the harrowing halls of secondary education.

If I’m honest, I spent the better part of my life sabotaging myself. In college I wrote papers and poetry that decried the trappings of marriage and children. During my 20s, I hung out with men I knew didn’t have any long-term potential as spouses or baby daddies. In my young mind, dating the server with a great sense of humor and an intermittent cocaine problem was a good idea. I naively thought my affection could heal him, make him quit drugs forever and commit to me. Instead he got fired from the restaurant where we both worked and dumped me after a month.

From 19 to 26, I had several short-term boyfriends — a waiter here, an artsy-fartsy type there. During my undergraduate days in Arizona, a fellow theater major took interest in me. A few weeks after we began dating, he invited me over to play Trivial Pursuit with him and his friends, every man for himself. I was a single slice away from winning when I touched his arm and teased, “See, we should have teamed up. Now I’m going to have to beat you.”

He picked up my pie and hurled it across his dingy apartment, causing the plastic parts to scatter. I should have known we were doomed then. Instead, I figured it out when he brought a date to one of my performances.

“Relationships are supposed to feel good,” my mother said as I boo-hooed into the phone, stage makeup sliding down my face. “You’ve been miserable since you starting seeing him. That just isn’t right.”

It would be easy to blame her for my table-for-one status. My mom did everything to keep our home intact. She cooked, set mousetraps, drove my brothers and me to school and supported our activities while working full-time and caring for my ailing father. I had a very stable childhood, but I watched my mother work 10 times harder than the rest of us to ensure it stayed that way. To my over-analytical (if somewhat misguided) way of thinking, I associated romantic attachment with servitude. I vowed to not have to endure such a seemingly thankless effort.

Women in my generation just think differently about settling down. If you asked my mom, aunt or just about any woman of their era, they would tell you that loneliness is a choice. Of course, they were subject to repressive social mores that thrust them into the arms of someone by their early 20s. It led to a 50 percent divorce rate. (Though I should clarify that my parents were together until my father’s death and my aunt and uncle have been married nearly 50 years.) But that importance placed on marriage back then also prevented the existence of women like me — looking for the perfect piece of the puzzle that never quite arrives, supporting myself, but longing for a companion.

At times I think the sexual revolution really screwed me. My mom, who came of age at the dawn of the movement, taught me that I didn’t need a man to validate my existence. But she also raised me with retro convictions and the idea that sex should be reserved for marriage. I knew I wasn’t going to marry young like her, yet I struggled to embrace the power of my vagina. Many of my friends racked up multiple sex partners and didn’t think twice about one-night-stands. But the few times I engaged in such debauchery, I wound up with a personal infection that I interpreted as punishment for my transgressions. It’s not like I was raised in a home of hellfire and damnation, but I was terrified of disappointing my parents. I felt like an after-school special: The good girl drinks too much and does the dirty. In the next scene, she sits remorsefully in the gynecologist’s office, her heels digging into the stirrups of shame.

I can’t fault my folks for the kinds of guys I found attractive when I was young. Back then, I wanted the creative types who had potential to do great things but never actually did them. I met one such obnoxious but alluring dude during my Vegas years while waiting in line at the Einstein Bros. Bagels across from UNLV. He had blue eyes, just the right amount of stubble and wore aftershave that made him smell like a masculine ocean breeze.

Dates with the Bagel Boy consisted of anything we could do for less than $5. We listened to bad karaoke while feasting on a $2 French toast breakfast at Ellis Island Casino and Brewery. During $3 Bingo at Sam’s Town he enjoyed secretly exposing himself to me under the mess hall-style table. He was proud of his genitals and really enjoyed shocking me. Despite his crude behavior, I continued to see him because I found him irresistible. Our most shameful cheap date came at the expense of a local Outback restaurant where he pretended that we had purchased a takeout meal but were denied our obligatory bread basket, so they gave us four loaves of fresh, free carbs. I hated the taste of deceit.

Bagel Boy occasionally threw gifts on my balcony: James Baldwin’s “The Fire Next Time” and Jack Kerouac’s “On the Road.” But expanding my literary palate was by far the most satisfying thing about that relationship. He only wanted me on his severely limited terms and didn’t exactly believe in fidelity. My brother Harris still loves to say that things went sour with the Bagel Boy because he dipped his bialy into someone else’s cream cheese.

For the next few years, I tried meeting men on AOL, eHarmony, JDate, Hurry Date and at various religious and secular speed-dating events. But it was useless. I didn’t know what the hell I wanted and was afraid of picking the wrong man. My travel agent once said that when you go to a smorgasbord, you leave hungry. What good is having unlimited options if you’re too scared to choose?

The truth is, I’m ambivalent. On one hand, I want a husband and a child and all the milestones that seem to come so easily to most people I know. But I’ve become accustomed to the freedom of living alone. It requires little compromise and sacrifice. I love my (fairly) open schedule and the fact that I am only beholden to my pets. I never have to worry that a man will leave me if I don’t have one. I’m much more interested in emulating the woman my mother is now that her children are grown and my father is deceased: She is independent, successful and free.

Then again, I wonder about a life without children. My mother is my role model, but she also has a family of her own. That’s why I started to see a therapist, to work through all the conflict and fear and overthinking that keep me from getting out of my own way. Over time, I came to understand that it wasn’t necessarily my failure to find men, but that the ways I reached out might not be suited to me. Speed dating isn’t really the perfect fit for a timid woman who feels very far away from her own sex appeal, and who might always feel that way. And by the way, a lack of sex appeal might not even be a failure on my part; it might just be who I am. Although my hairstylist did suggest that I smile more. That sort of helps.

Two years ago a man I knew from one of my local hangouts sent me a friend request on Facebook. Within moments of accepting, he started to instant message me and make his prurient intentions clear. I told him that I wanted a relationship that would lead to marriage and children. He said he wanted those things, too, just not with me. I found his brutal honesty refreshing. No tension-filled dates, no discussing fake future plans, just a straightforward pursuit of pleasure. Since I’m not the kind of woman who exudes that come-and-get-it vibe, it was nice to be desired. I was lonely and aroused enough to take him up on his offer to meet.

But it wasn’t enough. I stopped getting together with him, and now he claims that he’s open to the possibility of us becoming more than hookup buddies. This always happens. The less interested I become in a man, the more he seems to want me. Weren’t these childish games supposed to end at some point? I know he’s just spewing the platitudes he thinks I want to hear. I know that if I were firmly committed to getting what I want, I would excise him completely from my life. But I just can’t. I know what I should do, and yet I don’t do it. And maybe that explains more about why I’m still without a relationship at 38 than anything I can tell you.

Erin Auerbach is a writer, former features reporter and a past recipient of the Art Buchwald Award for Humorous Writing. She can't tell you your future, but you can email her at erinauerbach805@gmail.com.More Erin Auerbach

[Afghanistan2010]

I just want to add to those who want to stay lonely the hadith of the sahab (may allah be pleased with him) : It was by a known sahabi (i dont remember all details ) but its in the sahih ahadiths maybe someone can remember or share the references with us,

where it is stated : Even if the judgement of the day were soon (i think 10 days),i would marry,because i don't want to stay for my Rabb (Allah) unmarried.

this points to the importancy of marriage.

a good lecture about it by
Sulaiman Mulla


Islmic Lecture-Kindness to your spouse Part1 - YouTube[/URL]

http://www.kalamullah.com/sulaiman-mulla.html

[Insaaf_انصاف]

You always get the opposite of what you wish for

Which means your gonna get a short fat old ginger jewish women, whos been around the block a few times

You are the king hahaha.

[Digital Malang]

ive been married for 2 years now

[Al Hanif]

when you live in the west you begin to think like them. it's a trap. you might be lucky to see it, might be too late.

let your parents arrange it. they do know better, just like you think you know better now, your son daughter will make same judgements against you. let the parents do it.

marry your own, dont expect unattainable demands (great cook etc) - you can never expect a certain personality or trait with certainty either. people with strong opinions do change with time - there are no (very rare) constants. there are stories in every village how the son or daughter turned out so strange even though the parents were so respectable. it does happen.

even the most madly in love couples can end up miserable, unhappy, suffering, fighting or even separating/divorcing,

marry your own kind, follow the sirat mustaqeem.

i know a friend married to a moroccan who suffer marital brutality; she was a peasant girl, religious, poor, but beautiful, slim, tall, black hair etc. he thought he hit the muslim jackpot. when she left morocco and travelled with him, she began to like different things in life, she noticed that she was noticed for her beauty, and she revelled in this admiration and rose throught her ranks of ego and pride. so he thought he found all the attributes, but those attributes are elusive and unique to people, you can not predict what will happen to a person with time and experience. there are so many stories like this. she could be pashtun, but your environment, circle of friends and influences make an impact - what is important is good character as a starting point, and hope all goes well.

sounds hopeless? no, it is the reality and you have to be realistic.

thanks you have provided the best answer me thinketh

but when you said "follow sirat al mustaqeem, mary your own kind", did you meant that Islam teaches to marry his own kind ?

[Badlun]

1. I want her to be an excellent cooker. When I say excellent, I mean that I want her to be a Chef. I want her to be able to make fresh homemade bread on sundays. I love the smell of the croissants in the morning. I want her to be able to do any kind of things from Pizzas and Traditional Cuban meals to Roast Stuffed Chicken and special desserts.

2. I want her to be virgin. hee hee I just eliminated 99% of the women living in the west. And don't try to fool me. I will check it personally.


3. I want her to be a muslim. I know it is allowed to marry a Jew or a Christian but I personally just can't. Jewesses are not my cup of tea since I'm an antisemite and marrying someone who believes in Trinity would be like marrying someone who practises witchcraft.


feel free to do your own list !

You want her an excellent cooker or cook? As I understand cooker is a pot. Why you don't become a cook your self. Why we attach only women to the kitchen why men don't cook also. Why we don't consider women as life partners and not as servants to cook and serve food, clean and wash clothes?

Are you also a virgin or only you want she must be virgin? She can also desire for a pure man. In the west women are not virgins but in the Muslim world you wont find a man who is meeting his wife for the first time in intimate relations.

How ugly it is that you are a racist , committing apartheid and calling your self anti-Semitic. And how you call the belief system of the majority of people of the world, the Christians as witchcraft.

You want her to be obedient and poor so you can command. What a brazen male chauvinism!

Have you ever thought what she will look into you. Are you qualified to be a good life partner. Why we expect from women but don't let women to expect, choose and decide? Why Muslims and specially Pashtuns are male chauvinists?

[Nora]

3. I want her to be a muslim. I know it is allowed to marry a Jew or a Christian but I personally just can't. Jewesses are not my cup of tea since I'm an antisemite and marrying someone who believes in Trinity would be like marrying someone who practises witchcraft.


duhh!! u wish in inslam isnt premitted to marry non-muslim unless they convert

you want her to be poor so she can be your servant

[Badshah Khan Wazir]

^ would you like to be my queen

[Master Khan]

pashtun, beautiful, good height, good cook and innocent .

[Badshah Khan Wazir]

like me

[Master Khan]

yeah a Women have to be a good cook.
I want a women who makes a pretty mean Biryani!!! wai!! I love Biryani.

[Al Hanif]

As-Salam 'ala man Taba' al-Huda

You want her an excellent cooker or cook? As I understand cooker is a pot. Why you don't become a cook your self. Why we attach only women to the kitchen why men don't cook also. Why we don't consider women as life partners and not as servants to cook and serve food, clean and wash clothes?

Women cook, men go to war. That's how things are and that's how things have always been. If you're not happy with this, sugery is here to change your gender or kill yourself.

Are you also a virgin or only you want she must be virgin? She can also desire for a pure man.

Of course I am a virgin. I am as pure as white snow.

In the west women are not virgins but in the Muslim world you wont find a man who is meeting his wife for the first time in intimate relations.

Proof of your claim ?

How ugly it is that you are a racist , committing apartheid and calling your self anti-Semitic.

And how you call the belief system of the majority of people of the world, the Christians as witchcraft.

Christians are worse than witchcrafts. They are phallic worshippers. They believe that Jesus is god and that Jesus's genitals and Jesus's anus are divine.


Barrack Obama Fundraiser: Heckler Interrupts Speech Calling Obama "Anti-Christ" - YouTube

You want her to be obedient and poor so you can command. What a brazen male chauvinism!

Life is tough. Deal with it.

Have you ever thought what she will look into you. Are you qualified to be a good life partner. Why we expect from women but don't let women to expect, choose and decide? Why Muslims and specially Pashtuns are male chauvinists?

We are true men, with hair on our arms and a big black beard. Women have the right to decide... what is for dinner. Any questions ?

[Iqra]

Why not just wish a wife that is good for you in this duniya and in the next InshaAllah ...

Unless this was some kind of advertisement then nevermind