Do you want to marry non-Pashtuns?

[ComradePashtun]

right on Gulali, agree!

[ComradePashtun]

ghundala, what would you say if I was to marry 3 Pashtanas?

[ghundal]

it depends, if you are in Afghanistan, and women recently lost their husbands to foreign aggression, then it would be a noble act to marry the widows with your first wife's permission.

This is Islamic. I think marriage in that sense is purely to provide for someone.


If though, you want to have three wives for the sole purpose of having three wives, and you are living in peace, then this is not right. If there is no war, this is not right.

Islam allowed the 4 wives thing only in wartime I think. I think Arabs have abused this in peace time.

Also, you always need the permission of the first wife.


I personally am against men having more than one wife because I think men can manipulate and pit wife against wife. He will always have the upper hand, and will not treat his wives with proper respect .

[Laila]

But amongst Pashtun women, good luck with marrying a widow. Usually it is considered disrespectful for a Pashtun woman to remarry, its not quite common as well.

[ComradePashtun]

Cool answer bro

[ComradePashtun]

But amongst Pashtun women, good luck with marrying a widow. Usually it is considered disrespectful for a Pashtun woman to remarry, its not quite common as well.

ur right. i know some one who lost her husband during the russian war and never re-married. have alot of respect for them.

[Laila]

ur right. i know some one who lost her husband during the russian war and never re-married. have alot of respect for them.

I have a lot of female relatives that had shaheed husbands. It was considered disrespectful from the woman to even consider it. If it was needed, then the brother of the deceased husband would be offered to the wife. I have a young cousin that was a newly wed when her husband became shaheed.....she never remarried. Though i am not fond of it, but like you, i do give a lot respect for those women.

[ScimitarXEdge]

hmm... that's not true unless there is something wrong with you :D haha nah jk,
i don't think pashtanas come with 'issues' that a terrible thing to say you can't blame a father for protecting his daughter, of course there's going to be some of that going on but you can't complain about that.

& idk what you're talking about? who said a pashtun father want's his son in law's money? >.< bad example because that depends on the family, that has nothing to do with being pashtun....

Do you know what walwar is? It's money you're supposed to give to the father if you're going to marry his daughter. It's a Pashtun custom to take walwar, but originally the reasoning behind walwar made sense, because losing a daughter meant losing an important economic lifeline. Now it's just greed.

Not to mention you have to spend tons of money on the wedding. Too much mess.

[emkhan]

In our culture the boy does not give money to the girl's father... It is only the mahar in the shape of jewellery to the girl only. All is given by the girl's father to her daughter.

[Gulalai]

Do you know what walwar is? It's money you're supposed to give to the father if you're going to marry his daughter. It's a Pashtun custom to take walwar, but originally the reasoning behind walwar made sense, because losing a daughter meant losing an important economic lifeline. Now it's just greed.

Not to mention you have to spend tons of money on the wedding. Too much mess.

ok but you said " a potential father in law who wants you basically to bank roll him for the rest of his life" as if you're going to be giving him money for the rest of your life. That's how i took it & i don't think that is true for most families.

& you might not have to spend tons of money on the wedding because i'm sure there are pashtanas out there who would prefer a small wedding or something

anyways i'm not saying you have to marry a pashtana but stop making it as if pashtanas are not good enough or something like you said before about them coming with a bunch of problems because that's just wrong

[ScimitarXEdge]

But amongst Pashtun women, good luck with marrying a widow. Usually it is considered disrespectful for a Pashtun woman to remarry, its not quite common as well.

Not necessarily, yaw rawaj shta kah wrandar kundah shi chi akhkhey ta warki

oops sorry I just reread your post, you actually said what I just wrote. LOL

my bad

[ScimitarXEdge]

ok but you said " a potential father in law who wants you basically to bank roll him for the rest of his life" as if you're going to be giving him money for the rest of your life. That's how i took it & i don't think that is true for most families.

do you know how much walwars are sometimes?

& you might not have to spend tons of money on the wedding because i'm sure there are pashtanas out there who would prefer a small wedding or something

They must be living in some dark corner of the universe.

anyways i'm not saying you have to marry a pashtana but stop making it as if pashtanas are not good enough or something like you said before about them coming with a bunch of problems because that's just wrong

It's not about whether they're good enough or not, but sometimes it is just not the feasible option.

[ScimitarXEdge]

In our culture the boy does not give money to the girl's father... It is only the mahar in the shape of jewellery to the girl only. All is given by the girl's father to her daughter.

that's Islamic Law, not the culture.

here there's even a thread on this forum about Walwar

Angaar knows exactly what I'm talking about

http://www.pashtunforums.com/pashtun-culture-9/walwar-2738/

[ScimitarXEdge]

^ i believe everyone has a past...that is my personal thing. But it depends on the past. As long as he was open and honest about it with me, then i do not hold it against him. If anything, i see present and future the most important. Afterall, i am spending these two times sets with this person, not the past.

good question though

Even though Idiot seems like a nice chap, I generally advise women not to be involved with men who have been involved in drugs or womanizing. These are tell tale signs of problems

There are always exceptions to rules, and I'd like to believe Idiot maybe one of them; my general knowledge of men who do such things is that they often pass venereal diseases to their spouse and sneakily use drugs/alcohol.

Saying " I believe everyone has a past" is a generous outlook, but it is often naive, someone's past behaviors show you what they're capable of, and what went into "composing" them.

[emkhan]

In Islam the girl's father should not give anything to the boy's family. It is only the mahar given by the boy's family to the girl only. and that mahar is then owned by the girl only.