current state of Pashtun women in Pashtun society

[Toramana]

Mayanai pa khair...You seem to be intelligent and sort of domineering....

One cannot take one extreme case for general but it is a fact that the situation for women in Pashtun society is not yet favorable for assertion in the way you have suggested. I agree that the general level of education and standard of life in Pashtun society has to be raised to bring a meaningful change in the lives of Pashtun women.

[Mayana]

"Sort of domineering?"
Now that's a first.. I haven't gotten that before :D Care to elaborate on that? =P

As for the rest, I see some of it happening already; the most redundant solution might be: Don't marry your daughters off to tyrans!

[Toramana]

"Sort of domineering?"
Now that's a first.. I haven't gotten that before :D Care to elaborate on that? =P

As for the rest, I see some of it happening already; the most redundant solution might be: Don't marry your daughters off to tyrans!

Sorry Mayana, I mean you can say things bluntly that you think are right. I take that phrase back.

As for the other suggestion, that is right as long as the parents themselves care whom they give their daughters in marriage to.

[Mayana]

lool no need to apologize, wrora.

That reminds me.. we had a family friend who did that.. he gave away his daughter to some random guy for whatever reasons without thinking about what kind of life she'd live as his wife.. and she ended up getting divorced.. and then after a while, she got another marriage proposal, and the father said to them "I like you guys, I like your family and I like the boy. But I HAVE to consult my daughter, I am NOT throwing her into that fire again" (His exact same words: Bia ye dagha Oor ta na achawam).. So he did consult her and everything turned out great mashAllah.. they now are happily married and have a few kids.
So I guess society will have to learn slowly, one way or the other. Some people learn it the hard way (like this family) and some learn it the easy way by observing others..

[Gulalai]

hmmm...

[Gulalai]

Hi interesting thread. From my own experience of interaction with a Pashtun family recently, I will say a woman is treated like a slave-object. I saw an innocent married girl in her early teens working from dawn to dusk like a donkey and then going to a room with her husband after every other person in the family had gone to bed. The girl even didn't have a proper room. Her mother-in-law was occupying the room decorated for her at the time of marriage.

I had the impression as if the girl is a slave and a sex object that has to appease the household members during the day and entertain her husband during the night.

I wouldn't take this particular case for general but it is a fact that women generally are treated like this in Pashtun household.

I also agree with the point that it is usually the woman that is the worst enemy of a woman within the bounds of a household.

I also don't agree that Islam gives women due or equal rights. Polygymy, matters of divorce, etc. are examples as how women rights are undermined in Islam.

...so this is why people have a problem with toramana -_-

[Badshah Khan Wazir]

In my empire, all of womankind shall enjoy their due rights.

[Michin Khel]

Typical rural Pashtuns keep their women suppressed and depressed. I am not talking about educated urban pashtuns. ..
There are so many ways in which pashtun woman is suffering that i cant point out all.
When a newly married bride come to house, she has to start doing chores at morning after wedding night...her khwasha (mother in law) orders her around as if she had found the bride not for his son but for her "khidmat" and as a servant...the young husband do not give much attention to the wife during whole day , but on late night when they have private moments, he fullfill his needs in dry fashion without taking care of her wife requirements...i have a tarbur with respect to qaum who is newly married, his father is paralysed. The bride was given responsibility to take care of her skhar (father in law) even helping him to go to toilet..one day he was calling for her as he had intense urge for bathroom..she reached late and skhar sahab urinated in his partoog...he called her names and threw shoes at her...she complained this to her husband...her hasbund told his own father that he should nt have behaved like this..his father called him a beghairat for being played by his wife...the husband felt beghairat as he was showering love at his wife...he beat her wife very hard and tell her to live in her limits and that she is nothing for him unless she do khidmat of her parents.

[IamDZJ]

ironically the suppressed individuals in your story are the men not the woman.

i read somewhere that 90% of what is invested in a woman's education comes back to her parents or her husband while 30% of what has been invested towards a man's education makes it's way back to his family.
probably in a far away land where shoes don't exist.

[Michin Khel]

Girls are not allowed to watch tv, computer, movies , mobile and other entertaiment..it is thought "dena ba jinakai kharape shi"..but boys are allowed to do so.
Girls are not allowed to have education. Common concept among rural pashtuns is that with education girls become immoral and out of bounds. Boys are pushed towards education. This has created great contrast in gender, and a dangerous situation. Boys are exposed to every aspect of world and society, and gets education so they become sharp, hoshiyar while girls of their same age, limited to their homes, are aware of nothing..they are naive and very simpleton...so taiz and kharab halakan fooled them very easily into an affair..thats why there is total misuse of mobile phones...i wont go into details.

[Karachi]

many girls indeed suffer in our societies. Life is a real prison for them. Some thing should be done, but what?? as long as the men are stubborn nothing will change.

the thing is (islamically) speaking, I think women are allowed to have a lot of freedom, certainly they are not to be treated like prisoners. A women has many rights over her husband

[کیش]

It's more and less the same in the west.

In the west you have Girls getting brainwashed by the TV, radio and friends to be sexual active by 12. By 16 they have already participated in a gang bang. By the time their 25, they will have closely 40 sexual partners.

[IamDZJ]

Why do we always bring the west in it?? Is there a rule that says we have to compare everything with them in order to make a positive change in our own society?? Just because the majority of women are perceived as sex objects regardless of how "educated" everyone is, it does not give us the right or excuse to continue denying our women proper education or rights.
I think if our men were well educated, they would fight for women to be treated and educated properly. Only an educated man can value and understand the importance of education in a woman's life.
We need more educated men.

[کیش]

^^^

I'm all for Womens rights in Afg/Pakistan, but it seems theirs alot of people who say women in the west are far better off. Well we know that is not the case.

If you were to compare the women in Afg/Pak are better off. Why? Cause they will be granted paradise for their adversity they overcame.

[IamDZJ]

^^^

I'm all for Womens rights in Afg/Pakistan, but it seems theirs alot of people who say women in the west are far better off. Well we know that is not the case.

If you were to compare the women in Afg/Pak are better off. Why? Cause they will be granted paradise for their adversity they overcame.

who doesn't say they are better than everyone else??