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First of all, welcome to the forum. Second of all, get real please. So he is gonna marry you here and his 'other woman' in Pakistan, right? If he is legally married to you then how can he in first place bring his wife over to West? And even if he does manage to bring over his wife, you think your family won't find out? He might love you but he doesn't value your happiness and love more than his parents' stubbornness and so-called pride. And such a man is not worth your time and attention either, don't feel bad for him, cry for yourself. He is a happy man, otherwise he would have run back to you as soon as he found out his family choose his cousin for him, which he very obviously didn't. I am sure this much you can understand as well, init?
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Gar Jahanum Sakhtam Ferdaws Ham Mesazamat -
Woman!... wake up and smell the coffee... you need someone who cares enough about you to be able to stand up to his parents for you. he needs to tell his parents that he has someone else he has promised to marry. A promise is a promise and he is going to keep it.
You are far better off without a man like this than to be a man that is not even man enough to stand up for you.
There is no reason for you to sacrifice your happiness for someone who is not even willing to put effort in convincing his parents ....
tell him straight... its either me or your parent's wish!... u can't marry me and someone else at the same time. sorry but no can't do!Comment
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It is indeed really sad to know that you are in this situation due to the person whom you love the most. He definitely does not deserve you, not even a single bit. If he loves you and wants you to be a part of his life, he would have married you first rather than marrying his cousin. Second, if he were sincere, he would have convinced or even went to the extent of fighting with his parents to keep his promise with you. Third, by getting married to his cousin and you, he is destroying the lives of two women--you and the would-be wife. Fourth, you will always be considered as "another" wife or "second" wife. You will never get the kind of respect, love, and affection that his other wife will get (She is a blood-relative; she is his parents's choice, and she is Pashtun). Fifth, even if he tells you that he will marry her but his first and last love will be you, it still does not change the fact that right now he is with other woman.Originally posted by haajar View Post
It is possible that he had really loved you at some point and might have been sincere in his relationship with you but succumbing to family pressure shows how much he cares for you. In a Pashtun culture, parents would hardly forget the fact that the guy forced them to bring a wife of his choice and hence will always show resentment towards her.
So my sincere advice is to say goodbye to him.While it is hard BUT you have to be real--he is NOT yours unless he leaves his family or his family stop the plans of making him marry his cousin and accept you as the only wife into their family. Certainly, the situation is not at all in your favor.Also, think about the bleak future.Even if you become his wife, your kids are never gonna get the same kind of attention that the kids from the other wife would get. You will also hold negative feelings against the wife naturally which will make your already-sour relationship further unstable.
Finally, a sincere and loyal man will never make specious promises with you, not at least of this sort.Getting engaged to a girl is easy but getting marry to a girl is a different game. He definitely places his family above you (and he should as a son, but not as your future husband) and you should realize and accept the fact courageously.He just does not deserve you and you would never want to be with a man who can't keep his promise. And before you lose everything especially your peace of mind, come out of the mess by leaving him and start your life with a positive attitude. The end is difficult and so is the beginining but life is always cruel and is never simple for us. We complicate it futher since we are emotional folks. Our emotions weaken us and we can't help it. Yet thinking rationally is something that can save us in the situation like the one you are going through.He can say millions times that he "loves you" but what does "loves you" mean in the hard, bitter, tough, ugly, imperfect REAL world? Nothing. His "loves you" should also be accompanied with "ONLY YOU" which, sorry to tell you, is not the case in your awful situation.
I wish you best and I hope that you accept the "bitter truth" soon.The sooner you begin living with it, the better you would make your present and future.Last edited by PFgulalai; 08-09-2010, 09:09 PM."O Pakhtuns!, Your house has fallen into ruin, let us rebuild it".
"I want to see my people educated and enlightened. A people with a vision and a strong sense of justice, who can carve out a future for themselves in harmony with nature".Comment
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*IF* he loved you. Then why are you in this situation? If he loved you, he would have told his parents that he is already engaged to someone else.Originally posted by haajar View PostComment
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Originally posted by Feroza_Banu View Post
Ditto.
Turn around, leave and don't you dare look back even once.
Daa zma lewanay Zrra gorah, daa sta lewanee Mina..
Za ba da Sahra warnakam da Iran pa Golestan,
Dalta za yao & yakta yam, halta zar zma pa Shaan.
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Hmmm... tricky one, especially with the lack of detail.
You say he loves you, right? Does he really love you, or does he love your red passport?
If he really wanted to be with you, he would have explained to his parents the situation before they decided to get him engaged. Unless they got him engaged unknowingly behind his back and then told him It's pretty difficult to give you any advice other than use your head instead of your heart.
Don't be at the mercy of your emotions. As an educated individual, I'm sure you'll do the right thing.Comment
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his parents and his sisters know about me the last 3 years, his dads been disagreeing all along, his dads been telling him he has to marry his cousin! i spoke to his mum and sisters on many occasions. he has to break the news that he has gotten engaged to me. im mixed of arab and malay background.Comment
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oh and im engaged verbally and in every other way lol we had huge khitba . and omw khyberkhan u are right they got him engaged behind hs back!!!! I had no idea people do such things its so evil wallah .Comment
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im replying in bits, yeah he loves me, he has citizinship and passport of my country...his been here long, his not wanting to marry me for sinister reasons.Comment
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Why did his parents reject you? You said his parents know why didnt they tell us yes or no?Originally posted by haajar View PostComment
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rejected me because im not pashtun ..that hurtsComment
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the more i think about the situation i think its too hard i cant do it. i rejected so many proposals because of my feelings for him.....love sucksComment
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you do what a woman does after she finds out that the man that she loves has been toying around with her heart....for inspiration i would like to refer you to a bollywood chick flick titled Eik Hasina Thi...
after you have finished dealing with him, you deprive your self of all types of worldly delights and destroy the idiot in you that fall in love with a man who was not helplessly in love with you first. THAT IS WHAT YOU DO.
I am no bird, and no nest ensnares me.
non commercial would cost less if he was in charge himself which he plans on doing. right now it's n herat but soon it will be in qanadahar.
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@Haajar
It's not up to you to make his parents understand, that's his own job. Just like it was you who convinced her parents and not your lover, get me? I know this all seems very hard but once you are over with it, then you are just over it! The sooner you decide to make a final decision with him, the sooner the pain and struggle will be over. If he can't refuse his parents' wish, then you shouldn't waste your life on such a careless person! Just tell him as a joke your parents have chosen someone in Saudi for you and watch his reaction and let him feel the same pain as well. It's you and you only who is making life difficult for herself and easier for the man who didn't bother to fight against his parents' wish, while you are deceiving your own family for him. Really, is he even worth it?Gar Jahanum Sakhtam Ferdaws Ham MesazamatComment
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he wasnt toying around, astaghfirullah. lol but that reponse is funny..his a good guyComment
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