Girls..Help!

[Manzareh]

Any particular reason you got 2 kitchens in your house?

[Zari]

just ignore her and dont let her words get to you

[Azad Khel]

do you live together?

No, No, this is telephonic fight..............or via sattellite.......

[emkhan]

It depends on the reason behind the fight. Unless we know about the reason we can't give any useful advice. We can't apply the same strategy for all situations.

[IamDZJ]

Any particular reason you got 2 kitchens in your house?

in one kitchen we serve food to the guests and in the other kitchen we do a bunch of other things such as watch tv, cook, do the dishes, watch brothers play video games, wrestle each other and start cheeto fights.

[Azad Khel]

As the title of the thread suggests, she only sought help from girls/ladies, but many men are advising her, here. These are the women problems and only women can give their advices. We men, can never understand the women psychology.
This woman, being a daughter in law(engoor) is the most oppressed one and when becomes the mother in law(khuakhey) she becomes the worse oppressor.

[Amir al Ghaznavi]

Yeah the problem with asking advice in an open forum, is that you will read all sorts of things... as I am sure you already have (Amirs questions are an example).

whats wrong with my questions


anyways, i think this is overblown. so far, its been personality clashes. you have to learn to deal with those, whether at home or work.

[Michin Khel]

i'm going through a depression period. My mother in law gets on my nerve so much, i'm about to lose my sabr with her. Why Afghan mother in laws are like that? I mean how can they act so mean with their daughter in laws?

Complain to your husband about her attitude....
Or
challenge her to a wrestling match.

[muska]

khorai my advice to you is not to ignore her as she is a elder and its disrespectful, kindness wins over everything, read surah yasin and surah wassaffath togeather without speaking to anyone and prayer for her heart to soften and be more considerate towards you khorai, only allah swt and islam can change any situation around so read khorai, and you watch things will change , shes just dominating ,she will soften .

I always pray to Allah to make everything better. You are right she just wants to dominate.

Yeah the problem with asking advice in an open forum, is that you will read all sorts of things... as I am sure you already have (Amirs questions are an example).






If you respond to the way she acts, does she get meaner? or do you generally never ever respond? and keep quiet?

I agree with kakar girl here, pray and make dua InshaAllah. May Allah tala make it easier on you... but if it's a problem that persists, don't leave it just that, just try other things you might not have tried so she changes towards you... and honestly I know someone who lives with her mother, she cooks and takes care of her and her mother still complains or doesn't eat the food the daughter cooks because she'll say it's benamak or whatever the case is... so sometimes some people are just like that, and also Old age affects a person and their behavior too. Allah tala dih sabr darkih, Ameen

Once i told her that why you are like that then situation got worse so now i try not to give her attitude and when she tells me to cook this thing this way or do this or she says that she will cook then i tell her okay. If she was an younger mother in law then i will not mind her cooking but she is old and when guests are coming, she wakes up early in the morning and has started cooking because she is scared that i will come to the kitchen.

for an almos perfect husband you should be able to handle a lot more than a mother in law who criticizes the way you cook. sons know what their mothers are like but they don't want to be reminded or have anyone else critises their mothers for them not even their wives.
it's not just mother in laws, women ofr a certain age tend to have a habbit of doing such things in the kitchen. this senario is very commom with me and my biological mother and sister. we just don't see it the same way and i hate sharing the kitchen which is why i will do anything but step in the kitchen. i would rather clean and vaccum 5 bed rooms two kitchens two bathrooms and a living room than boil an egg in the kitchen.
next time she says something about the way you cook, smile at her and tell her to teach you how to cook or better off " here khala jan, you cook tonights dinner. you know how bad my cooking is" excuse yourself in the next 5 minutes. go do something fun.it will make her feel good and she will stop critisising you.
how a dish should be cooked is not something over which you would want to start an animosity with the mother of the man you plan on having children and spending the rest of your life with. for his sake, let her have it.

for my husband's sake i'm tolerating her. its not only in cooking that she talks.

just ignore her and dont let her words get to you

I do this and dont let her words bother me. before i used to think about her words alot but now i dont care.

hmm okey i see evry one gived u advice about the station u said but what if really ur cook isnt good and she s right and u think she dont lik u while she do lik u and lov u but u got offend cuz she telling u that !!

hope u feel better sis inshalla !!

i dont mind if she tells me that your cooking is bad but there is a way of telling, she sits mean or if i want to cook something, she will be like why are you cooking this and there is no need for this.

As the title of the thread suggests, she only sought help from girls/ladies, but many men are advising her, here. These are the women problems and only women can give their advices. We men, can never understand the women psychology.
This woman, being a daughter in law(engoor) is the most oppressed one and when becomes the mother in law(khuakhey) she becomes the worse oppressor.

i have asked for girls help because most guys can not put their self in girls shoes and they really cant understand . inshallah i will not become like my mother in law. i will treat her like my daughter and a friend. i will never make her feel uncomfortable when she is sitting with me like how my mother in law does to me that, she expects me to act and talk certain way. like for example i can not discuss anything with her, if i have a problem because she is not one of those sweets mother in law.

Complain to your husband about her attitude....
Or
challenge her to a wrestling match.

hahaha
even if i complain to the son he will always blame his wife and i dont blame the husband because its his mom after all and i dont have the guts to tell him your mom is like this or that.

[Iqra]

Once i told her that why you are like that then situation got worse so now i try not to give her attitude and when she tells me to cook this thing this way or do this or she says that she will cook then i tell her okay. If she was an younger mother in law then i will not mind her cooking but she is old and when guests are coming, she wakes up early in the morning and has started cooking because she is scared that i will come to the kitchen.

I am sure you already understand the relationships between mothers and daughter in laws is quite sensitive. I totally understand that espp because she is old you wouldn't want her to get tired, so maybe you can suggest that you don't want her to get tired (not in a way that would make her feel old) and tell her that maybe she can teach you how to prepare things while you guys wait for guests to arrive? It might even help her ego that you are asking for her help ... I know this sounds weird but maybe you should compliment her and tell her you want to learn from her .. Even if she tries pushing you away, you act sweet and what not so hopefully one day she'll notice that she is the problem and not you as you are trying ..if you question her accusingly (not that I am saying you have) she can go into defense mode and you never want that with anyone because they only attack after that.

And yeah most of the time a guy will not see faults in his mom, so you want to becareful about that..you don't want him blaming you for something later on...maybe you can ask him for help on how to make his mom happy?

[Gulbabo]

I have a very sweet mother in law, or may thats caz i live away from her? haha. anyways we get along very well whenever we are together... laugh, make jokes, go shopping together ( I am serious )

but in any case, if i find any of her attitude any disrespectful or demeaning, I make sure i make her son aware of the situation. Because i am a normal human being and there is only so much i can take. I think of it as this... if i don't discuss these problems with my husband now and it gets increasing day by day, then there will be a time that i might explode and all my anger would come out and my husband will be completely shocked. and he will think his wife has lost her mind and is acting this way for no reason (well because he isn't aware that its happening for the past whatever amount of time, caz i wanted be goody goody and hide it)

I am very comfortable with my husband i share a comfort level that most couples don't share when it comes to our families... so i can straight tell him how i feel about something. and i have given him the right to tell me what he doesn't like in my family's behaviour... its healthy to talk about things... very unhealthy to hide it.

i am not suggesting you talk to him in a way that would make him feel bad. rather tell him you want to share your situation with him. you want to share what your going through with him and you seek his advice. what should you do in this situation, ask him for an answer. he might just say ignore her all together... and it will be easier for u to do so and not feel guilty about it. as it is what her son suggested anyways.

one more thing that will be beneficial is that he will notice his mom's behaviour... right now he isn't aware of anything, but if u tell him about it, he will start observing his mother.

it takes a lot of maturity of mind from both sides (husband and wife) to handle such situations... but sad part is most couples are not mentally mature like that. hence, u see most families at each other's throat.

you shouldn't expect ur husband to solve it. u do that urself... but u make sure he is aware of it. start a conversation wit him with a note "dear, i need your help in something, i can't seem to be able to handle this by myself without ur emotional support. and your suggestions... " and u can start talking about the probelm.

[Iqra]

wallahi I was waiting and hoping you'd reply !!!

I have a very sweet mother in law, or may thats caz i live away from her? haha. anyways we get along very well whenever we are together... laugh, make jokes, go shopping together ( I am serious )

but in any case, if i find any of her attitude any disrespectful or demeaning, I make sure i make her son aware of the situation. Because i am a normal human being and there is only so much i can take. I think of it as this... if i don't discuss these problems with my husband now and it gets increasing day by day, then there will be a time that i might explode and all my anger would come out and my husband will be completely shocked. and he will think his wife has lost her mind and is acting this way for no reason (well because he isn't aware that its happening for the past whatever amount of time, caz i wanted be goody goody and hide it)

I am very comfortable with my husband i share a comfort level that most couples don't share when it comes to our families... so i can straight tell him how i feel about something. and i have given him the right to tell me what he doesn't like in my family's behaviour... its healthy to talk about things... very unhealthy to hide it.

i am not suggesting you talk to him in a way that would make him feel bad. rather tell him you want to share your situation with him. you want to share what your going through with him and you seek his advice. what should you do in this situation, ask him for an answer. he might just say ignore her all together... and it will be easier for u to do so and not feel guilty about it. as it is what her son suggested anyways.

one more thing that will be beneficial is that he will notice his mom's behaviour... right now he isn't aware of anything, but if u tell him about it, he will start observing his mother.

it takes a lot of maturity of mind from both sides (husband and wife) to handle such situations... but sad part is most couples are not mentally mature like that. hence, u see most families at each other's throat.

so I won't take back everything I said as it depends on the relationship between you and your husband, but Gulbabo has some wise words flowing around

[Gulbabo]

wallahi I was waiting and hoping you'd reply !!!




so I won't take back everything I said as it depends on the relationship between you and your husband, but Gulbabo has some wise words flowing around

ka sta khwashai daghasi dersara woki... za ba wursara pahezham... gham makawa lol

I mean, za worta shyan akhlam (chaklait aw kolchai)...

[Iqra]

ka sta khwashai daghasi dersara woki... za ba wursara pahezham... gham makawa lol

I mean, za worta shyan akhlam (chaklait aw kolchai)...

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

be happy I controlled my laughter lol wraka naseh!!


mata awal shyaan ranisa laka chakleet o kulcheeeee o harshay chii dih khwash yih

khuday dih sta gham na rakawih

[Gulbabo]

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

be happy I controlled my laughter lol wraka naseh!!


mata awal shyaan ranisa laka chakleet o kulcheeeee o harshay chii dih khwash yih

khuday dih sta gham na rakawih

delta flooding ma kawa