Girls..Help!

[muska]

i'm going through a depression period. My mother in law gets on my nerve so much, i'm about to lose my sabr with her. Why Afghan mother in laws are like that? I mean how can they act so mean with their daughter in laws?

[Amir al Ghaznavi]

i'm going through a depression period. My mother in law gets on my nerve so much, i'm about to lose my sabr with her. Why Afghan mother in laws are like that? I mean how can they act so mean with their daughter in laws?

I am not a woman, but I am an expert in just about anything you can name

In your particular circumstance, some more information is required before I give you my expert advice

1. Was your marriage an arranged marriage?

2. Are there ethnic, sect etc differences between you and your inlaws?

3. Are there social differences between your family and your inlaws? (ex.
liberal-conservative, urban-rural, political differences etc)

4. Were your inlaws opposed to your marriage to their son at any point?

5. Is your husband a mama`s boy incapable of making independent decisions?

6. Is your conflict with your mother in law, based on outright hostility on her part, or a clash of personalities?

7. Do you have sympathetic parties within your inlaws?

[faye]

i once read that if you create visualisations about the person you are having difficulty with, where they are responding to you in a good way, that can help, over time.
don't know if it works but it couldn't hurt.

[Amir al Ghaznavi]

i once read that if you create visualisations about the person you are having difficulty with, where they are responding to you in a good way, that can help, over time.
don't know if it works but it couldn't hurt.

the hell is this? for all we know, Muska jan here could be getting her azz whupped every night for watering down the shlombay. Visualizations aint helping her escape a beat down

Your advice is gonna depress her further

[IamDZJ]

move far away or stop looking at her when she talks. don't respond to her don't look at her. in the beginning she would think you are tolerating her but eventually she will understand you don't want to talk.
just don't get in to the habit of arguing about you said this and i did this day and night.]

[RangeeNa*]

do you live together?

[Iqra]

Khoori ... I'd say choose one wise person or two or even three (but not too many people) who will give you good advice on such a situation.

Keep praying to Khuday tala to bless you with sabr InshaAllah ... it's just shaytaan trying to push you. As far as why certain people are the way they are, I really have no idea, but be smart... ALSO careful of who you tell this to/ who you get involved, lots of people wag their tongues, but only trouble spits out.

[muska]

I am not a woman, but I am an expert in just about anything you can name

In your particular circumstance, some more information is required before I give you my expert advice

1. Was your marriage an arranged marriage? Yes

2. Are there ethnic, sect etc differences between you and your inlaws? No

3. Are there social differences between your family and your inlaws? (ex.
liberal-conservative, urban-rural, political differences etc) Yes but it got nothing to do with it

4. Were your inlaws opposed to your marriage to their son at any point?

5. Is your husband a mama`s boy incapable of making independent decisions? No. Husband is almost perfect. i dont like to say anything to my husband about his mom because i dont want him to feel bad and make his mom look bad in front of him..

6. Is your conflict with youir mother in law, based on outright hostility on her part, or a clash of personalities? she likes to do things her way. for example if i cook something. she will talk about it or do somehting else to it. she makes me feel like "you dont know how to cook" and "you should follow my way".

7. Do you have sympathetic parties within your inlaws?

[muska]

Khoori ... I'd say choose one wise person or two or even three (but not too many people) who will give you good advice on such a situation.

Keep praying to Khuday tala to bless you with sabr InshaAllah ... it's just shaytaan trying to push you. As far as why certain people are the way they are, I really have no idea, but be smart... ALSO careful of who you tell this to/ who you get involved, lots of people wag their tongues, but only trouble spits out.

There was used to be one person who i will tell my problem but now i dont like sharing anything with her either because there is nothing much she can do. That is why i came online so i can get advice because if i share with someone in person then i feel like they will others and i dont want others talking about me and my relationship with MIL everwhere there is a gathering.

[muska]

move far away or stop looking at her when she talks. don't respond to her don't look at her. in the beginning she would think you are tolerating her but eventually she will understand you don't want to talk.
just don't get in to the habit of arguing about you said this and i did this day and night.]

Thats hard to do and i will feel very rude if i dont respond to her question.

[faye]

i am serious. positive visualisations can help make you feel better. i have done it for my own depression but not to help change anothers attitude. i just read that it can have an effect. the more you feel down, the more a cruel person will use you as their victim, if that is the situation. so it is beneficial for you to help yourself feel stronger.

[randolph85]

get a bumper sticker on ur car that reads "if this vans'a rockin, don't come'a knockin"

problem solved.

[kakargirl]

khorai my advice to you is not to ignore her as she is a elder and its disrespectful, kindness wins over everything, read surah yasin and surah wassaffath togeather without speaking to anyone and prayer for her heart to soften and be more considerate towards you khorai, only allah swt and islam can change any situation around so read khorai, and you watch things will change , shes just dominating ,she will soften .

[Iqra]

There was used to be one person who i will tell my problem but now i dont like sharing anything with her either because there is nothing much she can do. That is why i came online so i can get advice because if i share with someone in person then i feel like they will others and i dont want others talking about me and my relationship with MIL everwhere there is a gathering.

Yeah the problem with asking advice in an open forum, is that you will read all sorts of things... as I am sure you already have (Amirs questions are an example).

khorai my advice to you is not to ignore her as she is a elder and its disrespectful, kindness wins over everything, read surah yasin and surah wassaffath togeather without speaking to anyone and prayer for her heart to soften and be more considerate towards you khorai, only allah swt and islam can change any situation around so read khorai, and you watch things will change , shes just dominating ,she will soften .

If you respond to the way she acts, does she get meaner? or do you generally never ever respond? and keep quiet?

I agree with kakar girl here, pray and make dua InshaAllah. May Allah tala make it easier on you... but if it's a problem that persists, don't leave it just that, just try other things you might not have tried so she changes towards you... and honestly I know someone who lives with her mother, she cooks and takes care of her and her mother still complains or doesn't eat the food the daughter cooks because she'll say it's benamak or whatever the case is... so sometimes some people are just like that, and also Old age affects a person and their behavior too. Allah tala dih sabr darkih, Ameen

[IamDZJ]

for an almos perfect husband you should be able to handle a lot more than a mother in law who criticizes the way you cook. sons know what their mothers are like but they don't want to be reminded or have anyone else critises their mothers for them not even their wives.
it's not just mother in laws, women ofr a certain age tend to have a habbit of doing such things in the kitchen. this senario is very commom with me and my biological mother and sister. we just don't see it the same way and i hate sharing the kitchen which is why i will do anything but step in the kitchen. i would rather clean and vaccum 5 bed rooms two kitchens two bathrooms and a living room than boil an egg in the kitchen.
next time she says something about the way you cook, smile at her and tell her to teach you how to cook or better off " here khala jan, you cook tonights dinner. you know how bad my cooking is" excuse yourself in the next 5 minutes. go do something fun.it will make her feel good and she will stop critisising you.
how a dish should be cooked is not something over which you would want to start an animosity with the mother of the man you plan on having children and spending the rest of your life with. for his sake, let her have it.