Changed my Avatar, what do you think?

[ScimitarXEdge]

Nabi (saw) said "when a man and woman feel love for each other the only solution is for them to marry".

[کیش]

Theirs a Bukhari Hadith that says the men and women should get married young to save them for committting sin. Or fast, but I don't fast daily.

If I would have married that Swati girl when I was 18, i wouldn't have committed alot of shameless sins from 19-21.

[*Mahzala*]

See that's what I mean, I love the values of Pakhtuns but there are times when it's taken to such a measure that the original intended purpose of those values have been lost and it becomes just a game of "how strict we can be".

In nature, God made us to marry young, it's our cultural/environmental and social norms that make us develop and mature differently; but the instinct to seek a companion and want to feel affection and fulfillment is still there. Why do you think we find people so easily falling into the trap of dating? Their instincts are being manipualted by their environment to do so.

It doesn't help the situation to torment two young people by depriving them their God given right, each other. If there's a halal way to live life, we should make it easy for people, not harder.

About ten years, when one of my siblings got married young (at the time it seemed young), many of my peers were quick to criticise and predict, that among them, I'd be wedded within my school years and it was those same peers, who, today, have at least two children, who married while we were in school or just after graduation. Today, once again, tables are turning and people do look down upon the idea of marrying late (how late is late?). The question: so when are you getting hooked? is a common one. But how many really value the fact that while people get married young, fulfilling their desires, there are some who get married late, who wait to fulfill those desires? Of course, both experiences, of being married and being in the learning process, and not being married, are worlds apart, however, more than often, the idea of getting married late is associated with a free, satisfactory and even immoral past. Expectations just seem to be growing, by the day.

[Laila]

Theirs a Bukhari Hadith that says the men and women should get married young to save them for committting sin. Or fast, but I don't fast daily.

If I would have married that Swati girl when I was 18, i wouldn't have committed alot of shameless sins from 19-21.

A cousin of mine, not too long ago, married a girl from Peshawar. He told me one day that marrying young was what saved his imam.

[IamDZJ]

there is no point of a marriage between two people who are strangers to themselves.

your picture seems to be the same one that you had previously except it looked like this one is captured from a different angle.

[کیش]

A cousin of mine, not too long ago, married a girl from Peshawar. He told me one day that marrying young was what saved his imam.

Marrying young is good, because it forces both parties to mature and hold responsibilities.

I know god is punishing me, I deserve it.

[ScimitarXEdge]

About ten years, when one of my siblings got married young (at the time it seemed young), many of my peers were quick to criticise and predict, that among them, I'd be wedded within my school years and it was those same peers, who, today, have at least two children, who married while we were in school or just after graduation. Today, once again, tables are turning and people do look down upon the idea of marrying late (how late is late?). The question: so when are you getting hooked? is a common one. But how many really value the fact that while people get married young, fulfilling their desires, there are some who get married late, who wait to fulfill those desires? Of course, both experiences, of being married and being in the learning process, and not being married, are worlds apart, however, more than often, the idea of getting married late is associated with a free, satisfactory and even immoral past. Expectations just seem to be growing, by the day.

That's a very good point; to me it's not really about the age of getting married but what stage a person is in on all levels of being. We shouldn't be in extremes of repression nor indulgence. that's why we marry, it's the middle path. When it happens may differ for certain people for whatever reason societal, environmental, psychological, but generally I think our instincts gear towards the teens believe it or not, hence why teen sex is an issue in even Western society. However I agree if some people can maintain their control on that faculty, they shouldn't be pressured, but I geuss since the standard human instinct indicates sexual awareness begins young, it creates sometimes wrong assumptions for why people may delay.

[ScimitarXEdge]

there is no point of a marriage between two people who are strangers to themselves.

your picture seems to be the same one that you had previously except it looked like this one is captured from a different angle.

I agree, no slapping completely incompatible parties together; I found there's a lot of poor innocent girls put together with a lot of beghairat men, who are abusive, self centered and immoral. And yet either because it's their Kakazoy or trorzoy, their parents dont bother to examine if this man is right for their daughter.

but if we're so much about Ghairat and namous, doesn't that mean our women are the most precious aspect of our lives? Shouldn't we want only what's right for our daughters well being? Where's the ghairat and namous in giving her a bad husband ,.....when she isnt even ready for it for that matter? in the end everyone suffers, and suffers needlessly. We really need some introspection.

[ScimitarXEdge]

Marrying young is good, because it forces both parties to mature and hold responsibilities.

I know god is punishing me, I deserve it.

ehhhh ...well that's sort of true, if you teach kids responsbility from a young age it forces them to mature; but if you suddenly give a person who's never had any serious responsibiliies ...a very HUGE responsbility they're going to mess up bad.

Wrora, it shocked me when I learned Pakhtuns get divorces, but most of the Qandahari men I know in NY and Jersey are divorced. That tells me something.

[obaid]

nice

[IamDZJ]

a son or daughter who is not able or willing to abide to the islamic way of living before being married is not going to bother much with it after the wedding either so a parent's decision of having them married off and making them become someone else's problem counts for nothing. the entire idea of ' get your children married at a young age so they stay out of trouble...' is a load of bs for me.
marriage for us is a once in a lifetime matter. it shouldn't be based on a hormonal reaction nor should it be dealt with as a defense mechanism to avoid the issue at hand by creating a bigger one for the future at someone else's expense.

[*Mahzala*]

That's a very good point; to me it's not really about the age of getting married but what stage a person is in on all levels of being. We shouldn't be in extremes of repression nor indulgence. that's why we marry, it's the middle path. When it happens may differ for certain people for whatever reason societal, environmental, psychological, but generally I think our instincts gear towards the teens believe it or not, hence why teen sex is an issue in even Western society. However I agree if some people can maintain their control on that faculty, they shouldn't be pressured, but I geuss since the standard human instinct indicates sexual awareness begins young, it creates sometimes wrong assumptions for why people may delay.

With age comes those different expectations. For young people, as you put, a psychological fact, their drive is physical, where, at that stage in their lives, career, opportunities, education, none of that matters. Within their marriage though, as they grow, those expectations grow too and some may fulfill those desires after marriage, sometimes it works, sometimes, it doesn't. For others, the desire to be one of two, is driven by companionship, more so for women than men. And this one, its aftermath, if not fulfilled, outweighs the physical desire.

[*Mahzala*]

a son or daughter who is not able or willing to abide to the islamic way of living before being married is not going to bother much with it after the wedding either so a parent's decision of having them married off and making them become someone else's problem counts for nothing. the entire idea of ' get your children married at a young age so they stay out of trouble...' is a load of bs for me.
marriage for us is a once in a lifetime matter. it shouldn't be based on a hormonal reaction nor should it be dealt with as a defense mechanism to avoid the issue at hand by creating a bigger one for the future at someone else's expense.

Quite right. If, as I said earlier, one's drive is physical, they can seek its fulfillment anywhere, outside the walls of their own marriage too. It's fitrah, not a societal or environmental influence. The bond of marriage is the most intimate relationship that exists, and if its foundation lies in the satisfaction of physical desires, which deteriorates over time, it is a weak one indeed.

[ScimitarXEdge]

DZJ, what you fail to address like many do is what are the mechanisms that manufactured this situation and the things we must do to solve it. Your response seems to be the standard "oh well just deal with it"; how well does that work?

The whole principle behind why marriage exists in the first place is because of those "hormonal" reactions. God made two genders to have these hormonal reactions so they marry. The issue isn't slapping two people together due to a hormonal reaction, it's slapping two people together without considering other factors which must compliment that hormonal reaction, namely maturity. This is what our modern society has done, it's made everything lop sided, it's made maturity go down, while the instincts remain but get diverted.

Marriage is meant exactly that a defense, a defense against evil a defense against corruption, a defense against negativity. That's why the Qur'an says "your spouses are a protection for you and you are for them"

What we need is not some absurd and frankly unrealistic argument that people should just "control themselves" we need to attack the problem at it's core; teach our youth to be responsible and mature and more over find a way they can still do whatever else they need to do, like school, while being married and acting their needs in the right way.

Narrated ‘Abdullah (raa): We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever.
So Allah’s Apostle (saws) said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.”
Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah) – Sahih Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4

[ScimitarXEdge]

With age comes those different expectations. For young people, as you put, a psychological fact, their drive is physical, where, at that stage in their lives, career, opportunities, education, none of that matters. Within their marriage though, as they grow, those expectations grow too and some may fulfill those desires after marriage, sometimes it works, sometimes, it doesn't. For others, the desire to be one of two, is driven by companionship, more so for women than men. And this one, its aftermath, if not fulfilled, outweighs the physical desire.

Well this is an issue of of how social norms create a divergent gradient; the sexual drive is not separate from the romantic drive, in fct romance exists because of the sexual one, not the other way around. That's not a problem with the drives, it's the problem with the society and how it treates those drives. We forget that career and education was originally intended so that we can have a livlihood to support ourselves, not for the other embelished reasoninsg we have today. The problem is that we're out of harmony with Nature, as you said our Fitrah, the reason for marriage is so we can actualize our fitrah in the way our fitrah was tab'aa (naturally) meant for. In the Natural context, we should be marrying between ages 13-16 on average. But because society has altered us so much from our Fitrah we dont mature like we should, we aren't ready for responsibility as we're supposed to be and this skews things greatly. What I mean is that our priorities and more over our understanding of priorities have become very warped now. But intentionally depriving oneself for the sake of a secondary concern is unhealthy and usually backfires. Just look at what happens to Catholic Priests ....or what happens in Afghanistan with pederasty. Most of these men end up the way they do because they dont have a normal outlet for their needs.