have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

[Roshina]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Are you against the whole exporting girls?

I am.

See, I don't understand when families who have been in the west for years, sometimes even decades, raising and educating their sons and daughters here... but when the time for marriage for the sons comes, the family seeks a girl who's never been outside her village or country! These guys end up with girls who are traditional and "pure" and I understand that's great and all, but what about the girls who are raised in the west, then? These girls won't be able to handle men who have been raised in a completely different environment, educated completely differently, and inevitably have completely different approaches and views on life. They often end up being miserable, unless they get lucky enough to be married to men whose views are similar to theirs and who can understand and appreciate their mentality.

A man can settle for a girl who is below his intellect, but a woman cannot because to live the rest of your life with a man who is not as educated and as knowledgeable and aware as you is a curse. I have some friends like this, and if I were in their position, I wouldn't be strong enough to survive it, really.

[Spinghar]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

or willing to have one? Lets discuss on this matter.

yeah im willing to have one!!! where can i find it? please please please!!

[Master Khan]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I been in UK for 10 years and I never had a girlfriend...and I don't want one aswell.
Waste of time and Money.
plus I don't wanna cheat on my princess back home . Its not a Pashtun thing aswell.

[*Mahzala*]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

would you date though?

A sexy steamy, hot guy wants you to come over, you parents will never find out.

What will you say, answer honestly. I am shocked here.

I think this is one of those topics where people like to draw the line to suit their own interests. I have been surrounded by Muslim and non-Muslim friends who continiuously change on a monthly basis (no, really). But my stance on it has never changed, despite strong influence and pressure. I believe the basis of any relationship is respect, be it love between two people. And approaching someone in the way you have mentioned Yassir, clearly lacks that aspect. You will find fewer girls nowadays who dont know their worth and give in to cheap requests like that. A girl who understands her values, her identity, the worth of her reputation and that of her family's and most importantly, the superiority of her Deen, will not even think about something like that in the slightest.

Yassir, parents finding out? You find that an issue - I see hypocrisy in that. If someone is afraid of having their wrong doings exposed to parents, friends, or elders - but no shame in doing it in the sight of God - quite frankly, I find that a sad sad case. It must be a tough battle, one that can never be won.

As for me, never had, never will. And from a very young age Ive always stood by the fact that if I ever come to be with someone, it'd be forever.

[pekhawar]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Mesbeh,nice read.

however, Love marriage or arrange marriage and why? Would you let your parents choose you who to marry?and don't use the they know what is best for me.

I want a logical explanation before I argue this with you.

[Master Khan]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I been in UK for 10 years and I never had a girlfriend...and I don't want one aswell.
Waste of time and Money.
plus I don't wanna cheat on my princess back home . Its not a Pashtun thing aswell.

were you ever tempted to have a girl?

Nope, I don't even ask girls out lol.

[Palwasha]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I don't think I'd ever have a boyfriend....and that's not just because I'm scared of my eldest brother.

Islam is obviously against it, but apart from that my conscience is too big and I couldn't betray my parents like that. It'd kill me if I ever had a child who dated. In this day and age it's common amongst many Muslims to go out with people, it's kinda ridiculous and I too respect people who choose not to do it.

The way I see it, if you date someone who is unfaithful to his parents, and more importantly to His God, then how can you expect him to forever be faithful to you?

Both our culture & religion rightly condemn it. Our marriages last longer anyway.

[Master Khan]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I don't think I'd ever have a boyfriend....and that's not just because I'm scared of my eldest brother.

Islam is obviously against it, but apart from that my conscience is too big and I couldn't betray my parents like that. It'd kill me if I ever had a child who dated. In this day and age it's common amongst many Muslims to go out with people, it's kinda ridiculous and I too respect people who choose not to do it.

The way I see it, if you date someone who is unfaithful to his parents, and more importantly to His God, then how can you expect him to forever be faithful to you?

Both our culture & religion rightly condemn it. Our marriages last longer anyway.

aaoo kaana deer kha wai.
can't these people wait till marrige? :roll:

[Shayesta]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I am not against all this export/import marriages and stuff, but what bothers me is that most of Muslim guys marry back home thinking girls there never had boyfriends and therefore are pure. How wrong could they be! They don't realise that back home it might be an Islamic nation, but it doesn't mean every single person is there a true follower of Islam as well. Let's not forget that people back home are exactly same people like us with same desires and same thinking, so if those in West can feel need for having a partner then why not those back home?

Having said that, I believe that at the end of the day for every single person there is only one person meant to be. No matter how many partners you have or had, at the end of the day you gonna end up with one only. So save your time, energy and sins by just waiting till you are very sure of the person you in love with!

[Shayesta]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

@Pashtun
I pretty much had the same thinking as you but trust me, stories I have heard from Turkish, Moroccans and even those who returned from Kabul shocked me to death. I never expected Muslim women back home to be that free and I don't know what type of women you met in Europe but I met some very well mannered and very well respected Muslim women here in Europe which might be hardly to find anywhere else. And no I am not saying dating is okay, I am saying that dating is waste of time plus you are committing a sin. Best is just to wait for THE one.

[Master Khan]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I don't think I'd ever have a boyfriend....and that's not just because I'm scared of my eldest brother.

Islam is obviously against it, but apart from that my conscience is too big and I couldn't betray my parents like that. It'd kill me if I ever had a child who dated. In this day and age it's common amongst many Muslims to go out with people, it's kinda ridiculous and I too respect people who choose not to do it.

The way I see it, if you date someone who is unfaithful to his parents, and more importantly to His God, then how can you expect him to forever be faithful to you?

Both our culture & religion rightly condemn it. Our marriages last longer anyway.

aaoo kaana deer kha wai.
can't these people wait till marrige? :roll:

The answer is NO.
They can't. Its called temptation, I don't know which village you live in but when you are in a big city things are hard to be kept religously.

I live in Swabi in NWFP, I spend 15 years outside (5 years in Hong kong and 10 years in England).
I don't mind if you want to test a girl to see if she likes you and you like her.
My friend (Pakistani) has been going out with this girl for more then a year now, and now they want to get married.

[Roshina]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Qrratughai, so you are against an unfaithful man marrying or exporting women?

What? I don't understand your question....
but what I was saying was that what too many parents do is live and raise their children *in the west* but take them back home for marriage! The fact, however, is that not all girls raised abroad are likely to survive with boys from back home because of the mentality and all. Please, guys, don't assume that this means that all girls raised outside of Pukhtunkhwa eventually become *****s, dressing inappropriately, thinking inappropriately, not having respect for their families and culture and Pukhtunwali and all. If anything, quite the opposite is the case with many, MANY girls raised outside of Pukhtunkhwa. It's like, our relatives back home actually make fun of us for being in the west and NOT being "modern" :S Their sense of modernity, I guess, is wearing short sleeves in front of (male) elders, being okay with dating, constantly rejecting marriage proposals, not wearing a headscarf, and so on.

So, I have to agree with Shayesta khor that girls raised back home actually tend to be *better*. Why? Because we have this burden of STILL representing our culture while being raised outside of it. And so, even while our culture evolves back home, the mentality that our parents have REMAINS what it was years, maybe even decades, ago for our people back home at the time of their migration to the west.

What I'm against is ... parents' bringing young girls from back home and marrying them to their sons *raised* in the west. I'm against this because that leaves the girls raised in the west to pretty much no one! These girls are then compelled to go back home and find guys *raised* back home, and they're often incompatible for each other.

[Roshina]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

As for arranged marriages ... please refer to the following link; it's dedicated solely to a discussion on "arranged marriages."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=109

[Roshina]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I disagree with your reasoning, sorry.

What's with people apologizing for disagreeing with others? :shock: C'mon, folks! Let's not apologize for such a thing, lol. Try to be more confident about your views (not implying you're not, though).

[*Mahzala*]

Re: have you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Mesbeh,nice read.

however, Love marriage or arrange marriage and why? Would you let your parents choose you who to marry?and don't use the they know what is best for me.

I want a logical explanation before I argue this with you.

I will reply to you in the Arranged Marriage thread created by Qrratugai. Seems its heated up quite a bit. Non-Pashtuns registering to express their views on it too. Its a sensitive one, we sould be a tad more careful with what we say, and avoid sweeping and generalising statements.