Newbie! In need of some advice

[amatullah]

Asalaamu alaikim waramatullahi wabarakthu! Hoping this is finding everyone in the best of health and imaan!
Signed up to get some advice and to learn insh'Allah!

Firstly a bit of background,
Im not pashtun I'm a revert of 2 years Alhamdulillah. I recently had an arranged marriage to a pakistani pashtun brother. And although I thought I knew a lot about pakistani culture as some of my family members are pakistani, turns out pashtun culture is a whole different ball game!

Now just to clarify I am not willing to follow any culture, Islam will always be the only thing I will submit to and follow. But I do think it is essential for me to understand what I can about my husbands background and my inlaws insh'Allah so i can educate myself and any future children insh'Allah. After all they will be counted as pashtuns even though Im not. And in the near future I will be making hijra insh'Allah.

A lot of what I have seen is based on Islam mash'Allah and this is were I found a lot of common ground with my husband. For example correct cover (niqab) rules of engagement and just general 'strictness' (I use that lightly as there is only one way to follow Islam and modernisers like to call the people on the path strict)
But to be honest other things i've came across seem like they are just from the time of the jahiliyah. Not meaning to offend anyone here but its just an observation so far.

Some issues i'm having or to word it better some things i'm not understanding are as follows;

1. The amount of violence and gun usage (not refering to any groups but people and families in general)
2. Why revenge is so important and plays such a huge role in the community. Surely we are muslims and Allah swt will justly rule among us on the Day
3. What exactly happens when someone is killed in a family, will there be an ongoing revenge from it?
4. Why women aren't getting proper education and some of their Islamic rights taken away from them?
Just to clarify before someone jumps on this and tells me I don't understand because i'm western I would just like to add that i'm muslim before I am anything, I do full purdah and I only leave my house when I absoultly need to mostly for islamic educational classes, I understand Islam and I understand the rights I have as a muslimah and I see some of these rights being taken away from women in the pushtun culture. Now i'm not saying everyones the same, I know some people will give more than others, I am just asking these questions so if I am mistaken I can correct it or if I am correct then try to understand the reasoning behind it. insh'Allah.

And any other advice you could possibly give me about the culture would be great, my intention is to only take benefit from it and if it complies with Islam then adopt it insh'Allah.

[emkhan]

No need to compare Islam and Pashtun culture... Islam supercede everything anything.
But "daal mai kuch kaala lag raha hai"

[amatullah]

Thanks emkhan i'm fully aware of that. I am not comparing. Im just looking to understand the issues I have mentioned as they will obviously affect my life.

[یاسمینه]

amatullah - check our library - English books or articles. There should be something about Pashtunwali.

[tor_khan]

One of the reasons, I believe that the issue of women in Pashtun society appears to 'lopsided' is not because Pashtuns are not 'Muslim' enough or 'too Muslim' but education. Realistically for a good number of Pashtuns, life revolves around a generally agrarian lifestyle that traditionally where people have not needed higher levels of education they have been defined by cultural roles coming out of social economics.

It's not a matter of who is right and who is wrong, but more a matter of understanding why despite being committed Muslims, inequities will continue to exist for a while. Urban Pashtuns not tied to land may have initially focussed on male education. Once that begins to change, you can begin to expect changes in attitudes to women. It's not an instant fix process and without educated men, your chances of female education are significantly reduced. Pashtuns, like many other cultural groups respond to the freedoms granted in Islam based on their group/individual approaches.

We accept/reject from the cultures around on us based on our experience and education and personally, I think that expecting that Pashtuns will understand your 'unless it is in Islam' or 'no can do' approach might not always work, not that I am suggesting that you should compromise on something you feel strongly about.

[Breshna]

Why is your username a males name?

[amatullah]

Thanks everyone, will check out the books section insh'Allah!

[amatullah]

Why is your username a males name?

It's not a males name it means female servant of Allah in Arabic. This is feminine the masculine being ‘Abdullāh.

[Breshna]

Thanks didn't know that. Pashtun men will have Ullah in their name...for example

Hamidullah...Neimatullah..Asmatullah...Azmatullah

Hasratullah...Rahmatullah...Nasratullah..Amirullah ...and so on.......

[amatullah]

No problem and thanks you just gave me some nice baby names to think on lol

[Breshna]

Your welcome...

[farishta]

azmatullah and amanullah <3

[Afghanistan2010]

waalaykum as salam warhmatullahi wabarakatuh,

your story reminds me of a book , my life with the tribal leader or something like that its about a western woman who marries a pashtun ....

anyway as every other form of culture aswell pashtun culture has some mistakes but alhamdulillah mostly our pashtun culture is in harmony with islamic laws and when ever you see anything contradicting leave that is doubtful and take what Allah and his Messenger (pbuh) has told us to do.

And Allah says (meaning) : Obey Allah and his Messenger (pbuh).

there is a huge differencie between pashtun and pakistani culture...you can't compare them. and there is also differencie between pakistani pashtuns and afghan pashtun and you will meet this on this forum when you read here some posts.

1. you have to understand that because of history pashtun has been rised up as warriors (gun usage) but i can't say for the modern guys.

you are born with less emotions and such things more harsh to survive the difficulties of life better.


2.Revenge is misunderstood its is not always like that in Islam and that should be not followed for example you kill someone , people will kill anyone of your family for revenge (thats unislamic and i have raised this issue in our tribes and we are trying to follow islam instead this failure).

to be continued inshaAllah

wasalam

[amatullah]

waalaykum as salam warhmatullahi wabarakatuh,

your story reminds me of a book , my life with the tribal leader or something like that its about a western woman who marries a pashtun ....

anyway as every other form of culture aswell pashtun culture has some mistakes but alhamdulillah mostly our pashtun culture is in harmony with islamic laws and when ever you see anything contradicting leave that is doubtful and take what Allah and his Messenger (pbuh) has told us to do.

And Allah says (meaning) : Obey Allah and his Messenger (pbuh).

there is a huge differencie between pashtun and pakistani culture...you can't compare them. and there is also differencie between pakistani pashtuns and afghan pashtun and you will meet this on this forum when you read here some posts.

1. you have to understand that because of history pashtun has been rised up as warriors (gun usage) but i can't say for the modern guys.

you are born with less emotions and such things more harsh to survive the difficulties of life better.


2.Revenge is misunderstood its is not always like that in Islam and that should be not followed for example you kill someone , people will kill anyone of your family for revenge (thats unislamic and i have raised this issue in our tribes and we are trying to follow islam instead this failure).

to be continued inshaAllah

wasalam

*looks for the book* lol Thanks nice insight, will look out for the continuation JazkAllah khair

[torkham]

just follow islam, and follow your own culture as long as it is not in conflict with islamic teachings from the quran and sunnah.

jahiliyah is amongst many, truly enlightened are few, it is far better to learn and return to the path of the rightiousness.

islam came amongst the jahil of arabia because they had reverted to really barbaric practices after all previous revelations from ibrahim (as), nuh(as), musa (as), and other prophets. many features of jahilia are imbued amongst arabs, pashtun and other muslims, it is difficult for many to see wood for trees, because that culture predates arrival of islam. i think culture has a much stronger influence on people.

guns, badal, pashtunwali, these are parts of culture, people developed a way of life to survive in their environment.