What does a Pukhtana of today expect from her husband.

[eusuphxai]

Agree. Tradition is important...there are so many examples I know that have lost pashto, afghan, din, etc living here. To be frank I have seen some lose it back home. However we have to maintain that link and put in the new generation.

za sa waima aoo baja may sa wai

[Mayana]

I know.
And what are you gonna do, marry a random person and then start thinking about all the things you want in them? All the things you hate about him/her and start wishing to go back and change your decision?
You put yourselves in a position where you are under the control of society - you allow yourself no room to breathe. It's not like a spouse is gonna fall from the sky right next to you - it's a process and you have to know what you're looking for in order to have a functioning relationship.

[Saifullah]

Why wait until after the marriage? Try to have an idea who u are marrying and if they are somewat compatible

[Master Khan]

lol
who know whats gonna happen llol

All I can said is Inshallah ,
I am not a mean guy or anything.

[eusuphxai]

whoever marry me will be a lucky girl I can safely say .

Will you let her work?

[Admin Khan]

).
Pashtun are famous for being strict,my question is what is a woman of today expecting from her husband?

Love,honesty,dedication and respect. If a man can be helpful i.e helping her vacuum she might consider you as a dime.

Also the right they are asking,if any, how close they to reality and more importantly how practical are they? What will you do if the man of your life is not flexible, e.g. he doesn't allow you to work. What is one major change you will like to see in pashtun men?

Ofcourse they should have rights. Islam gives our women rights. We should demand our women to gain higher education. Science tells us when a women is educated, her children also end up educated[Good parenting]. Right off the bat you should be thinking of ways to make sure your children end up educated. Why do you think we are being used right now by every Tom Jones and Harry? Because we lack education! Bingo!


Let me ask you a question Eusuphxai wrora, do you want a women who is dependent on you? or do you prefer an independent women? I.e she has her own bank account,car etc under her own name.

[Admin Khan]

I know.
And what are you gonna do, marry a random person and then start thinking about all the things you want in them? All the things you hate about him/her and start wishing to go back and change your decision?
You put yourselves in a position where you are under the control of society - you allow yourself no room to breathe. It's not like a spouse is gonna fall from the sky right next to you - it's a process and you have to know what you're looking for in order to have a functioning relationship.

True but what do you do when you end up making the wrong decision? You know how Afghans are. "Plankey jhey kwasha da? wo, zma kwasha da, bas wene sa che maraka dar wakama[They accept you]. Bas wos no wene sa che dusmaal darwakama, ha dagha jhey neekah da, bas wada jhey hum pa da baal meshtey key dey.

How do we tackle this? Yes we have lower divorce rates. But that does that necessarily mean they are happily living together?

[Mayana]

No kho Ghalati pa dagha Lahza ki da chi tsok wayi "Wo khoasha mi da." au pejhani ye na. You have to be very careful in making this decision.. you can't just go - oh she's tall and pretty I like her. We have to lower divorce rates but we also have to lower the rates of people living in a miserable marriage because they can't get along with their spouse and can't separate due to social norms.

The key to it is very simple.. you got to know what you want and before agreeing to a commitment you have to find out if the potential partner has what you are looking for or at least if you and your potential partner are compatible. =)

[Admin Khan]

No kho Ghalati pa dagha Lahza ki da chi tsok wayi "Wo khoasha mi da." au pejhani ye na. You have to be very careful in making this decision.. you can't just go - oh she's tall and pretty I like her. We have to lower divorce rates but we also have to lower the rates of people living in a miserable marriage because they can't get along with their spouse and can't separate due to social norms.

The key to it is very simple.. you got to know what you want and before agreeing to a commitment you have to find out if the potential partner has what you are looking for or at least if you and your potential partner are compatible. =)

I agree but how do we explain this to our parents? How do we tackle this issue? Its obvious that many have agreed to marry someone they don't end up seeing until the wedding ceremony. Not only is this un-Islamic but it should be frowned upon.

I admit the problem exists, the million dollar question is how do we tackle this ever growing phenomena?

[eusuphxai]

Let me ask you a question Eusuphxai wrora, do you want a women who is dependent on you? or do you prefer an independent women? I.e she has her own bank account,car etc under her own name.

Either way I don't mind. For me trust holds any relationship, if the trust factor is there, and she is working and earning halal and not compromising her modesty, I will fully support her.

on lighter note if she jas her car and money she still will ask for mine, they are of the ideology that my money is my money and your money is our money.

[Admin Khan]

Either way I don't mind. For me trust holds any relationship, if the trust factor is there, and she is working and earning halal and not compromising her modesty, I will fully support her.

on lighter note if she jas her car and money she still will ask for mine, they are of the ideology that my money is my money and your money is our money.

If we speak in terms of the west, I am afraid I might have to disagree with your last part as that is not really how it works nowadays in the west.

I am noticing that when Pashtuns are born in the west[not all] If they begin following the western culture than trust me when I say they follow it to a T!

What does that mean? That means my money is my money. Your money is your money. If we go out, That means we both pay half and half. I have met Afghans who think that way, Thank God they are a minority in the west.

Generalizing and saying all Pashtuns in the west act that way in the west is wrong but the fact that even a minority exists tell us we have people who are now slightly side-tracked from our culture and Religion.

[eusuphxai]

No kho Ghalati pa dagha Lahza ki da chi tsok wayi "Wo khoasha mi da." au pejhani ye na. You have to be very careful in making this decision.. you can't just go - oh she's tall and pretty I like her. We have to lower divorce rates but we also have to lower the rates of people living in a miserable marriage because they can't get along with their spouse and can't separate due to social norms.

The key to it is very simple.. you got to know what you want and before agreeing to a commitment you have to find out if the potential partner has what you are looking for or at least if you and your potential partner are compatible. =)

I have my own opinion about it, there is no formula for successful marriage. In west they do all you have mentioned and still it doesn't work out.

I have said it earlier and will say it again, make your wife your lover than making your lover as your wife.

[eusuphxai]

If we speak in terms of the west, I am afraid I might have to disagree with your last part as that is not really how it works nowadays in the west.

I am noticing that when Pashtuns are born in the west[not all] If they begin following the western culture than trust me when I say they follow it to a T!

What does that mean? That means my money is my money. Your money is your money. If we go out, That means we both pay half and half. I have met Afghans who think that way, Thank God they are a minority in the west.

Generalizing and saying all Pashtuns in the west act that way in the west is wrong but the fact that even a minority exists tell us we have people who are now slightly side-tracked from our culture and Religion.

dumra ogda kissa dhay asay okra i said on lighter note, which meant that is not my opinion but a it is a popular one

[Admin Khan]

dumra ogda kissa dhay asay okra i said on lighter note, which meant that is not my opinion but a it is a popular one

Oh no, I never said its your opinion. If it were to be your opinion, I would have directed my post at you entirely. I thought you might be interested in the story, guess not.

In conclusion,

What I am trying to say is a Pashtana should receive love,respect and dedication from her husband. She should aim for higher education.

[Mayana]

I agree but how do we explain this to our parents? How do we tackle this issue? Its obvious that many have agreed to marry someone they don't end up seeing until the wedding ceremony. Not only is this un-Islamic but it should be frowned upon.

I admit the problem exists, the million dollar question is how do we tackle this ever growing phenomena?

Approach it the Islamic way.
Meaning.. formal Maraka and then the girl and the guy get to talk, they get to know each other, they can ask questions and bring up concerns - of course they won't be by themselves during this time but there will be some chaperon. After they talk for a few times they either say yes or no.
As a society, we need to learn that a "no" after that period of time is not horrible.. and much better than a divorce after 7 years and 6 children.

Our parents might or might not understand.. but every single family has policies of their own and it's up to the individual to decide HOW he/she can approach this manner and at least make an attempt to find out what kind of person the girl/boy is.