What does a Pukhtana of today expect from her husband.

[eusuphxai]

Pukhtana of today is a lot different from yesteryears.She is not just a woman, she is educated, she has a job, and know her rights (lets say women who are reading this at least do).

Pashtun are famous for being strict,my question is what is a woman of today expecting from her husband? Also the right they are asking,if any, how close they to reality and more importantly how practical are they? What will you do if the man of your life is not flexible, e.g. he doesn't allow you to work. What is one major change you will like to see in pashtun men?

Guys how will you deal with woman of today? Will you allow your wife to work, and I am not just talking about west. Will you do it if you are back home?

Will you work towards achieving rights or bow to social pressure? If yes how will you do it?

[Saifullah]

I would care about education that much, if my wife knows normal stuff thats ok doesnt make a difference if she has a degree or phD. That doesnt bother me. She should know how to balance things and never neglect her family. Like when kids are young and need mothers attention she shouldnt be leaving kids to nanny, but should look after them. I dont care about social pressure but i care about wats best for my family. When kids get older i wud wanna see my wife helpin in community and doing something creative/productive. I wouldnt want her to sit at home doing nothing...but i dont want her to be some busy woman always out of house

[IamDZJ]

accept my flaws for i too am just another human being and don't place me in a shelf as if i was only made to be admired and too delicate to handle as much of life as you do. forget playing the game of being wife and husband and let's be companions instead. just me and you...

[Saifullah]

sheenkay so share some info on this topic

[Zarawar]

Yeah, it's a must and like a tribal thing to marry an Afghan that hasn't left Afghanistan or Pashtunkhwa. Our elders expect us to keep our tradition reserved in Afghanistan, or even if marry outside, we have to move back and live in Afghanistan, and this is how cultures are preserved in one area for thousands of years. I'm pretty sure it's the same for most of you guys.

[Mayana]

What I want in a husband is a true man.
Someone who is strong and confident enough to grant his wife rights raher than treating her like property. If a husband is not able to allow his wife to work, to be as free as her Lord has allowed her to be, to live a life worth living - then he obviously is too insecure and paranoid.

What I want in a husband is security, a partner in life that travels with me rather than someone whom I carry his luggage for lol. I don't necessarily want to work and want a career - all I'm asking for is education to the level and the extent that is available for me. I am perfectly fine with being a stay-home-mom.. an educated one that is. And I know that today's world won't probably allow me that luxury and most couples I know are in need of both husband and wife working in order to sustain themselves. That is fine with me - I can compromise career, I cannot compromise education.

On a more Pashtun note, I don't think I'll be able to handle a husband who is not manly. It needs to be someone with his proper set of values, his honor and principles straight - he needs to know exactly what he wants in life in order to truly appreciate his partner. He needs to be protective, he needs to know exactly what the roles of men and women are in a relationship. =)

[Gulalai]

its nice when the husband helps around the house..

[Saifullah]

its nice when the husband helps around the house..

yea its nice but will it happen is the question..

[eusuphxai]

It is a serious topic and I genuinely want to know how we can keep our pukhtunwali and still progress.

A pashtun man typically wants his wife to do pardah (which ideally mean covering her face). If I talk about watan and not the west.

We (most of us) live in combined family so a pashtun man expect his wife to be modest within a house too.

A pashtun man don't like his woman to work, its against his ghairath.

If you find a man like this . and chances are you will most probably, will you accept your fate or fight for change? and how will you do it?

[Mayana]

It is a serious topic and I genuinely want to know how we can keep our pukhtunwali and still progress.

A pashtun man typically wants his wife to do pardah (which ideally mean covering her face). If I talk about watan and not the west.

We (most of us) live in combined family so a pashtun man expect his wife to be modest within a house too.

A pashtun man don't like his woman to work, its against his ghairath.

If you find a man like this . and chances are you will most probably, will you accept your fate or fight for change? and how will you do it?

Personally, I really wouldn't mind staying at home and raising my children.. doing my studies and reading/writing. But I don't think it is possible to live like that in the West unless the husband is really really rich. So either way it'd be fine with me. I'm able to compromise career.. if he wants to do my Parda and protect his Ghairat that is a noble thought and I wouldn't wanna show off any part of me anyways.

But like you said, times change and we are in need of both partners working in order to provide a home and food for the family. And I know that most likely I will need a career because that is just how today's world is.

[BLS_1919v2.0]

Yeah, it's a must and like a tribal thing to marry an Afghan that hasn't left Afghanistan or Pashtunkhwa. Our elders expect us to keep our tradition reserved in Afghanistan, or even if marry outside, we have to move back and live in Afghanistan, and this is how cultures are preserved in one area for thousands of years. I'm pretty sure it's the same for most of you guys.

Agree. Tradition is important...there are so many examples I know that have lost pashto, afghan, din, etc living here. To be frank I have seen some lose it back home. However we have to maintain that link and put in the new generation.

[eusuphxai]

i dont get the topic

well i dont get the topic, but i wrote something

Well I am saying we are in 21st century and women are now more educated ,and they wont like to be a kind of wife as our mother or grandmothers were.

So said if you have a wife who demands her rights and you being a pashtun feel uneasy about it how will you deal with it.

Sheenkay, hypothetically, your husband is a typical pashtun very strict and you want to have a job, or say study after marriage etc, how will you handle the situation?

[Master Khan]

whoever marry me will be a lucky girl I can safely say .

[Saifullah]

I will first try my best to explain to her my position, then i will listen to her points. Ill try my best to find something in the best interest of our relationship and family. And if she is selfish then she will not listen to anyone but herself.

[Saifullah]

Ok eusufzai..i get ur point