Not allowed to get married because of the guys tribe?

[hiraaa112]

Hi,

I have this problem that so far I haven't been able to work out a solution to. I have met somebody that I really love and want to marry, the only problem is my parents want to know nothing about it and won't even agree to meet him or his family. The sole reason for this hate is because I am from swat and he is from bannu and my parents say they will neve accept somebody from bannu into their family. I absolutely can't understand why, he has not even lived in bannu ever so this whole argument seems stupid. I honestly couldn't care less what tribe he was. Everything else about him and his family is exactly the sort of person my parents would want for me, I just need them to get past this silly village issue. Does any body have any ideas how I can get my parents to accept him?

[HalloIsBack]

Hi,

I have this problem that so far I haven't been able to work out a solution to. I have met somebody that I really love and want to marry, the only problem is my parents want to know nothing about it and won't even agree to meet him or his family. The sole reason for this hate is because I am from swat and he is from bannu and my parents say they will neve accept somebody from bannu into their family. I absolutely can't understand why, he has not even lived in bannu ever so this whole argument seems stupid. I honestly couldn't care less what tribe he was. Everything else about him and his family is exactly the sort of person my parents would want for me, I just need them to get past this silly village issue. Does any body have any ideas how I can get my parents to accept him?

your parents are obviously very rasictic and concetrated only on their tribe
just try to use the islam cardand the pashtun ethnic card
my advise for you fight as hard as you can expecially both of you
your parents will always try to destroy it just to prove they were right, so you need a very good communication with him and you have to keep strong together
lots of users had already a similar question so check the pashtun culture section and ask this users how they faced their problems

[HalloIsBack]

ask the thread opener

http://www.pashtunforums.com/showthread.php?t=41971

[Toramana]

Hi,

I have this problem that so far I haven't been able to work out a solution to. I have met somebody that I really love and want to marry, the only problem is my parents want to know nothing about it and won't even agree to meet him or his family. The sole reason for this hate is because I am from swat and he is from bannu and my parents say they will neve accept somebody from bannu into their family. I absolutely can't understand why, he has not even lived in bannu ever so this whole argument seems stupid. I honestly couldn't care less what tribe he was. Everything else about him and his family is exactly the sort of person my parents would want for me, I just need them to get past this silly village issue. Does any body have any ideas how I can get my parents to accept him?

Go ahead and marry this man if you are confident he is a noble man. Parents are not always right. And you are as a human being with a consciousness and personality are entitled to exercise your right to marry whoever you want to.

And distinction of ethnicity, race, religion, etc. should not matter in love.

[Badlun]

Hi,

I have this problem that so far I haven't been able to work out a solution to. I have met somebody that I really love and want to marry, the only problem is my parents want to know nothing about it and won't even agree to meet him or his family. The sole reason for this hate is because I am from swat and he is from bannu and my parents say they will neve accept somebody from bannu into their family. I absolutely can't understand why, he has not even lived in bannu ever so this whole argument seems stupid. I honestly couldn't care less what tribe he was. Everything else about him and his family is exactly the sort of person my parents would want for me, I just need them to get past this silly village issue. Does any body have any ideas how I can get my parents to accept him?

I have visited many times both Swat and Bannu. Rather I have lived there for a long time. In Pashtunkhwa there is a communication gap between people of northern districts and southern districts. The same problems even you find between the Pashtuns of Mardan and Swat or Pashtuns of Kunar , Kabul and Kandahar.

The problem is not tribal but geographical and social. People of Mardan for example think that people of SWat are more backward because Swat is more hilly area and people are less cultured or less civilized.

In your case it is the distance which make the issue. If a guy from another tribe in SWat asks for your hand, your parents will have no problem. This is the fear of the remoteness as for Pashtuns marriage is not between individuals but families and marriage at a distant place will create problems for family interaction. Even if they do not live in Bannu, their home town is Bannu.

Mother of your boyfriend may talk to your mother. She may use words of hard dialect like kha not sha and keegi not keeji. His mother should not convince her that you may not live in BAnnu but in a common place like Peshawar or Islamabad. Boy family should not ask for any dowry and girl family may not ask for any money for the head of the girl. In Bannu sometimes girl family ask for money.

Please elaborate further what are the exact arguments of your family against some one from Bannu and we will try to give you some more practical advices.

[hiraaa112]

I have visited many times both Swat and Bannu. Rather I have lived there for a long time. In Pashtunkhwa there is a communication gap between people of northern districts and southern districts. The same problems even you find between the Pashtuns of Mardan and Swat or Pashtuns of Kunar , Kabul and Kandahar.

The problem is not tribal but geographical and social. People of Mardan for example think that people of SWat are more backward because Swat is more hilly area and people are less cultured or less civilized.

In your case it is the distance which make the issue. If a guy from another tribe in SWat asks for your hand, your parents will have no problem. This is the fear of the remoteness as for Pashtuns marriage is not between individuals but families and marriage at a distant place will create problems for family interaction. Even if they do not live in Bannu, their home town is Bannu.

Mother of your boyfriend may talk to your mother. She may use words of hard dialect like kha not sha and keegi not keeji. His mother should not convince her that you may not live in BAnnu but in a common place like Peshawar or Islamabad. Boy family should not ask for any dowry and girl family may not ask for any money for the head of the girl. In Bannu sometimes girl family ask for money.

Please elaborate further what are the exact arguments of your family against some one from Bannu and we will try to give you some more practical advices.

Thank you for your reply. Well I live in the west and he lives here too. My parents live here and his parents are settled in Peshawar (as is my extended family). They literally live on the next street from each other. If we got married, my life would be here, he is not moving to pakistan and neither am I. Even if we were visiting pakistan, both our families are settled in the same area of Peshawar so I will probably never even step foot in Bannu in my life. He speaks peshawari pashto with me and his parents are fluent in peshawari pashto so I don't think they will have issues communicating with my family. The only issue that I can seem to gather is that my family has some really extreme superiority complex :/ and look down on Bannu. First my mum tried to convince me to leave him by saying everybody in bannu is homosexual, then she said they all are unsophisticated and cheap. I can't even get a direct reason. Also, I am worried if I get his parents to talk to my parents like maybe on the phone, my parents wi be hostile and rude and offend his parents. His parents are visiting here in June so I want to get my parents to atleaat be willing to allow them in our house since they're travelling all this way...

[marwat]

I have visited many times both Swat and Bannu. Rather I have lived there for a long time. In Pashtunkhwa there is a communication gap between people of northern districts and southern districts. The same problems even you find between the Pashtuns of Mardan and Swat or Pashtuns of Kunar , Kabul and Kandahar.

The problem is not tribal but geographical and social. People of Mardan for example think that people of SWat are more backward because Swat is more hilly area and people are less cultured or less civilized.

In your case it is the distance which make the issue. If a guy from another tribe in SWat asks for your hand, your parents will have no problem. This is the fear of the remoteness as for Pashtuns marriage is not between individuals but families and marriage at a distant place will create problems for family interaction. Even if they do not live in Bannu, their home town is Bannu.

Mother of your boyfriend may talk to your mother. She may use words of hard dialect like kha not sha and keegi not keeji. His mother should not convince her that you may not live in BAnnu but in a common place like Peshawar or Islamabad. Boy family should not ask for any dowry and girl family may not ask for any money for the head of the girl. In Bannu sometimes girl family ask for money.

Please elaborate further what are the exact arguments of your family against some one from Bannu and we will try to give you some more practical advices.

in Pashtun societies male family want quite an upper hand over female family, if they got any slightest idea that female family is reluctant in accepting the proposal, they will reject it too, further banuchi have a hard time with other dialect.

[marwat]

Hi,

I have this problem that so far I haven't been able to work out a solution to. I have met somebody that I really love and want to marry, the only problem is my parents want to know nothing about it and won't even agree to meet him or his family. The sole reason for this hate is because I am from swat and he is from bannu and my parents say they will neve accept somebody from bannu into their family. I absolutely can't understand why, he has not even lived in bannu ever so this whole argument seems stupid. I honestly couldn't care less what tribe he was. Everything else about him and his family is exactly the sort of person my parents would want for me, I just need them to get past this silly village issue. Does any body have any ideas how I can get my parents to accept him?

why is your family so much reluctant, is it a social gap or tribal difference?
if it is tribal difference then you can play muslimic card as suggested by Hallo, make them emotional and make them fear from Allah.
i believe Bannu is much more developed and modern city than swat, it is a trade hub and bannu people are not backward. there should be no village issue at all.

[Kushan Prince]

Your parents need to drop the tribalism and accept that he is Pashtun at the end of the day. They need to learn that most Pashtuns today are of mixed tribes whether like to believe that or not.

Seriously, your parents are being very stuborn.

[Badlun]

Thank you for your reply. Well I live in the west and he lives here too. My parents live here and his parents are settled in Peshawar (as is my extended family). They literally live on the next street from each other. If we got married, my life would be here, he is not moving to pakistan and neither am I. Even if we were visiting pakistan, both our families are settled in the same area of Peshawar so I will probably never even step foot in Bannu in my life. He speaks peshawari pashto with me and his parents are fluent in peshawari pashto so I don't think they will have issues communicating with my family. The only issue that I can seem to gather is that my family has some really extreme superiority complex :/ and look down on Bannu. First my mum tried to convince me to leave him by saying everybody in bannu is homosexual, then she said they all are unsophisticated and cheap. I can't even get a direct reason. Also, I am worried if I get his parents to talk to my parents like maybe on the phone, my parents wi be hostile and rude and offend his parents. His parents are visiting here in June so I want to get my parents to atleaat be willing to allow them in our house since they're travelling all this way...

What matter is love and sincere desire to get marry. Rest of the things are resolved with passage of time. Be sure you two are sincere with each other.

I know Bannu is notorious for homosexuality and non seriousness of the people. This is because of the reason that Bannu is a commercial city and there many non Pashtuns also leave. Do you know the exact tribe of your boy friend?

Homosexuality is spread in the whole Pashtunland because of the non availability of girls and boys for each other. There are some genuine homosexuals because of biological reason among-st Pashtuns but majority of gays are because of no contact between amle and female before marriages. Bannu is notorious because there keeping sexual or platonic relation between two boys or men is not kept secret. In other areas it is at least not shown publicly.

But your boyfriend being interested in you means he is at least not a gay so this chapter is closed. If you are in the West , Bannu and Swat do not matter that much. Go ahead and give ultimatum to your parents that they may let you marry him or yo go for a civil marriage.

[DSM0305]

I am wondering more about what a young girl doing hanging around boys without being engaged/married to begin with....

[HalloIsBack]

What matter is love and sincere desire to get marry. Rest of the things are resolved with passage of time. Be sure you two are sincere with each other.

I know Bannu is notorious for homosexuality and non seriousness of the people. This is because of the reason that Bannu is a commercial city and there many non Pashtuns also leave. Do you know the exact tribe of your boy friend?

Homosexuality is spread in the whole Pashtunland because of the non availability of girls and boys for each other. There are some genuine homosexuals because of biological reason among-st Pashtuns but majority of gays are because of no contact between amle and female before marriages. Bannu is notorious because there keeping sexual or platonic relation between two boys or men is not kept secret. In other areas it is at least not shown publicly.

But your boyfriend being interested in you means he is at least not a gay so this chapter is closed. If you are in the West , Bannu and Swat do not matter that much. Go ahead and give ultimatum to your parents that they may let you marry him or yo go for a civil marriage.

are you sure?

[Kushan Prince]

What matter is love and sincere desire to get marry. Rest of the things are resolved with passage of time. Be sure you two are sincere with each other.

I know Bannu is notorious for homosexuality and non seriousness of the people. This is because of the reason that Bannu is a commercial city and there many non Pashtuns also leave. Do you know the exact tribe of your boy friend?

Homosexuality is spread in the whole Pashtunland because of the non availability of girls and boys for each other. There are some genuine homosexuals because of biological reason among-st Pashtuns but majority of gays are because of no contact between amle and female before marriages. Bannu is notorious because there keeping sexual or platonic relation between two boys or men is not kept secret. In other areas it is at least not shown publicly.

But your boyfriend being interested in you means he is at least not a gay so this chapter is closed. If you are in the West , Bannu and Swat do not matter that much. Go ahead and give ultimatum to your parents that they may let you marry him or yo go for a civil marriage.

Badlun,

I really hope your trolling because everything you just said is pure fiction.

[HalloIsBack]

Badlun,

I really hope your trolling because everything you just said is pure fiction.

badlun is older than you and me
i bet he could be your father or even grandfather
he has more clue about the life than we both and has seen much more thing sthan we both did
but i agree with you his opinion about relations is bit weird
btw how are you?

[Kushan Prince]

badlun is older than you and me
i bet he could be your father or even grandfather
he has more clue about the life than we both and has seen much more thing sthan we both did
but i agree with you his opinion about relations is bit weird
btw how are you?

Unless Badlun has physically communicated with these gays from Bannu, then thats a different story. But this guy is nothing more than good fabulist on this forum as he has been for years enlighting us all. I'm not a harami since i know both my father and grandfather so the chances of that are slim to none.

And i am good, how are you? how is cold russia treating you?