Not allowed to get married because of the guys tribe?

[HalloIsBack]

Thankyou for all your replies. My parents met him and didn't like his character so I decided to let it go. obedience to your parents is obedience to Allah and I wouldn't go against Allahs will. If you try your best to do something the right way and it doesn't work, then it's not in your kismat. And things like a court marriage leave you and your family without any izzat so I didn't want that.

sorry but it was stupid
do your parents want that you become happy or only they should become happy? that's egoistic from your parents! your parents did not like his character because he was not choosen by them!
and what about the guy? how does he feel now? i feel sorry for the guy

[Niceguy91]

I am from Karachi living in the west. I dated a pukhtun girl for 18 months, just for her parents to reject me because I was not pukhtun and she never even bothered to stand up for me or fight for me after that. So in my case it didn't work out because she didn't stand up for me. If you truly love the guy then at least fight for him. Give it all, so that at least at the end of the day even if it doesn't work out then you know you tried your best. That's my advice for you.

[Smarty]

The thread starter said that her parents are against the marriage because Bannu people are homosexuals.

I have been several times to Bannu and gay culture is very common there with the difference that many are not biologically homosexual, just by circumstances because girls boys interaction before marriage is out of question.

It is not homosexuality that you will find in Bannu, it is bacha bazi and worrkay bazi.....its not that every one of them lusts for young boys and are disinterested in girls........the mechanism is same like Afghanistan, some powerful individuals show off their masculinity by "keeping" boys, this is very strange way of show masculinty but i think it has some thing to do with ancient warrior custom. The boy who gets ****ed at night and gets meal and money in return, is looked down upon by society for acting the role of woman with hole. On the other hand exploiter gets away and is not condemned by society. This is where you need Taliban like elements to purge the society from this evil. The Malaks and Khans, all kind of badmash usually keeps young beautiful boys. You must have get the impression of bannuchis being gays because their humour is usually crude and portion of it revolves around boys and "kwanas", but it doesnt mean the one joking around about it is involved in it. The idea of bacha bazi is giving role of girl/woman to a beardless boy....do you understand it now?

[Smarty]

Thankyou for all your replies. My parents met him and didn't like his character so I decided to let it go. obedience to your parents is obedience to Allah and I wouldn't go against Allahs will. If you try your best to do something the right way and it doesn't work, then it's not in your kismat. And things like a court marriage leave you and your family without any izzat so I didn't want that.

Good decision.

[Badlun]

It is not homosexuality that you will find in Bannu, it is bacha bazi and worrkay bazi.....its not that every one of them lusts for young boys and are disinterested in girls........the mechanism is same like Afghanistan, some powerful individuals show off their masculinity by "keeping" boys, this is very strange way of show masculinty but i think it has some thing to do with ancient warrior custom. The boy who gets ****ed at night and gets meal and money in return, is looked down upon by society for acting the role of woman with hole. On the other hand exploiter gets away and is not condemned by society. This is where you need Taliban like elements to purge the society from this evil. The Malaks and Khans, all kind of badmash usually keeps young beautiful boys. You must have get the impression of bannuchis being gays because their humour is usually crude and portion of it revolves around boys and "kwanas", but it doesnt mean the one joking around about it is involved in it. The idea of bacha bazi is giving role of girl/woman to a beardless boy....do you understand it now?

Thanks for the explanation. I understand the difference of bacha bazi and homosexuality. The solution is not Taliban but free mixing of male and female thus men don't search girls in boys.

[DaZahroJaam.]

you are asking a bunch of strangers who don't know anything about you to make a decision for you which will affect the rest of your life as well as the life of this guy you claim to care for??
You know, in life you have to have your own reasons for makings certain decisions. Someone else's given directions will not necessarily land you in the same destination as it landed them.
People can tell you to go ahead and marry him without your parent's support but will you be able to carry that relationship without any resentment towards him if you go ahead and do that?? If you don't have the courage to make this decision on your own, what makes you think you will live with him peacefully in future??
And if you were capable of it, you wouldn't ask anyone else. You would go ahead and marry him. But here you are, with doubt in your heart..
To me, the issue amongst your parents and his parents is not as alarming as your doubt about the future of this relationship is. You should be able to make this decision on your own..

[Dukemina]

Thankyou for all your replies. My parents met him and didn't like his character so I decided to let it go. obedience to your parents is obedience to Allah and I wouldn't go against Allahs will. If you try your best to do something the right way and it doesn't work, then it's not in your kismat. And things like a court marriage leave you and your family without any izzat so I didn't want that.

Wow, I too must applaud you for your courage. It must have been extremely difficult for you to battle your emotions and May Allah (swt) reward you with something better, ameen.


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[hiraaa112]

are ur parents also against marriages with hindkowans,punjabis & other pakis?or just bannu people?

Any non pashtun :p

[hiraaa112]

Hira, no offense but that's "not the right way". If you even read about marriages in Muhammad(saw)'s time women had their own choice of husband independent of their parents

Sorry I didn't mean the "right way" islamically, I just meant in a way where I was not hurting other people

[hiraaa112]

you are asking a bunch of strangers who don't know anything about you to make a decision for you which will affect the rest of your life as well as the life of this guy you claim to care for??
You know, in life you have to have your own reasons for makings certain decisions. Someone else's given directions will not necessarily land you in the same destination as it landed them.
People can tell you to go ahead and marry him without your parent's support but will you be able to carry that relationship without any resentment towards him if you go ahead and do that?? If you don't have the courage to make this decision on your own, what makes you think you will live with him peacefully in future??
And if you were capable of it, you wouldn't ask anyone else. You would go ahead and marry him. But here you are, with doubt in your heart..
To me, the issue amongst your parents and his parents is not as alarming as your doubt about the future of this relationship is. You should be able to make this decision on your own..

Sorry for the late reply, thank you for taking the time out to write me out such a long answer! I think at the time I was more confused about the whole bannu thing LOL, like I was wondering if there was some deep dark secret about bannu that I didn't know about :p everything you said in regards to my situation was right by the way!

[hiraaa112]

Wow, I too must applaud you for your courage. It must have been extremely difficult for you to battle your emotions and May Allah (swt) reward you with something better, ameen.


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It was definitely difficult but not impossible!

[Asadkhattak]

May Allah fulfill your dreams sister

[Zarakattack94]

What's all this sauce about bachaybazi.....? or even homosexuality?? sounds like a machination to me.

[Iblis_Efreetzai]

Any non pashtun :p

Yet Bengal Tiger seems to be trying to make advances towards you. ....

[Lalukhet]

Kind of pointless to ask from strangers but if both of you are in real love then keep pressing, parents will eventually accept despite caste differences.