Pashtun female honor

[*Mahzala*]

It's one of the main part of our culture that makes us different from others. And, I absolutely love it.

[Mayana]

A man needs to be protective.. Not because I need him to be.. but because HE needs to protect whom he values. How can he possibly tolerate disrespect?

[AfghanSoulja]

I think it's BS,us guys screw around our whole lives and when done want a neat pious wife, who is virtuous and has never seen this world .. They don't want someone like themselves so they find whoever poor girl they can get their parents to grab for them and then devote their lives to making her an obedient wife "protecting" her from western culture, making her life miserable

A woman has the right to choose whatever she wants to do with her life, she is the one who is gonna be responsible for her actions.. I don't see any point in dictating your values upon others especially when you have never followed them yourself.. I'd rather marry someone who wants to do all that by herself not cuz of some dude breathing down her neck all the time.

Other day I was going through that good qualities in a woman thread.. Everyone wanted a frikin cook not a wife

[*Mahzala*]

^Do you consider it insecurity ?

Not in the slightest. In fact, it gives the woman that sense of security and possessiveness she wants and needs. It shows, that despite their strong, bold, emotionless nature, they care, look out, are possessive and value us with their lives (those who do of course). As I said earlier, that is what makes us different. I take pride in this aspect of our culture, over a lot of things. In saying that, I am not suggesting that I cannot take care of my honour myself, no. It merely means that as Pashtuns (I speak for my family), our men are our backbone. I fall back on my father and brother a lot. I do everything with the thought in mind that my every move may be a potential stain on thier reputation and honour. Having said that, I find that, I myself, as a woman, because of that, don't fall into unnecessary things. It's a cycle. At least, I see it that way.

[Roshina]

I think it's BS,us guys screw around our whole lives and when done want a neat pious wife, who is virtuous and has never seen this world .. They don't want someone like themselves so they find whoever poor girl they can get their parents to grab for them and then devote their lives to making her an obedient wife "protecting" her from western culture, making her life miserable

A woman has the right to choose whatever she wants to do with her life, she is the one who is gonna be responsible for her actions.. I don't see any point in dictating your values upon others especially when you have never followed them yourself.. I'd rather marry someone who wants to do all that by herself not cuz of some dude breathing down her neck all the time.

Other day I was going through that good qualities in a woman thread.. Everyone wanted a frikin cook not a wife

AfghanSoulja, thank you SO much for seeing women as full partners of men, of their husbands, and NOT their obedient servants and cooks, like many other *young* guys seem to see us as! God bless you for thinking nicely of us!

There's a limit to everything. At a time in history when women were imprisoned and denied every right and access to education, it perhaps made sense to see them as your honor, to ensure that they don't dishonor you, to not let them out of your sight because they didn't know anything about the outside world and might "get lost," etc., but when times have changed, it makes absolutely no sense.

When you protect someone becuase you love them dearly, it's all good; but when this feigned "protection" goes so far that you deny these "loved ones" so much that you perfectly allow your sons/males, then it becomes injustice. When there's injustice, there will never be ANY peace, and there should never be any peace.

Besides, we love our men, too. We respect our men, too, as much as they love and respect us. But we don't see them as being the symbols of our honor, do we? No. They see us as that, instead.

Being laden with this burden of honor isn't something small. Many, MANY females have suffered intensely because of it.

However, I must say we need to re-define honor in our time and age.

[Master Khan]

I think it's BS,us guys screw around our whole lives and when done want a neat pious wife, who is virtuous and has never seen this world .. They don't want someone like themselves so they find whoever poor girl they can get their parents to grab for them and then devote their lives to making her an obedient wife "protecting" her from western culture, making her life miserable

A woman has the right to choose whatever she wants to do with her life, she is the one who is gonna be responsible for her actions.. I don't see any point in dictating your values upon others especially when you have never followed them yourself.. I'd rather marry someone who wants to do all that by herself not cuz of some dude breathing down her neck all the time.

Other day I was going through that good qualities in a woman thread.. Everyone wanted a frikin cook not a wife

Alaka Pashtuns need to look after their womens, I got cousins now wearing tight jeans and are on Facebook posting pictures of themself and uploading them on Facebook.
Da os Behaya time da and we need to look after our womens and make sure they stick to our Culture and Religion.

[Feroza_Banu]

Alaka Pashtuns need to look after their womens, I got cousins now wearing tight jeans and are on Facebook posting pictures of themself and uploading them on Facebook.
Da os Behaya time da and we need to look after our womens and make sure they stick to our Culture and Religion.

dear brother. do you really think you can force someone to stick to their culture and religion? there are many negative outcome of using force.

religious, cultural, and moral values are instilled in a person from early childhood. we need food for our physical development and likewise we need lessons on moral values on daily basis. if a muslim is posting his/her picture online with vulgar clothing means he/she is not aware of how it should be against his/her moral and religious beliefs... and it implies that the person is not brought up so well. u can use force to teach such person... a slap or two but it wouldn't bring any long term change... the person might stop doing this out of fear rather than understanding what was being done wrong.

forcing someone to follow a religion or culture is like keeping a prisoner in jail... they will either remain a prisoner for the rest of their life or one day they will set themselves free...

i am sure u have heard of many people (guys and girls) that have broken free as soon as they have entered a western country... they could be very conservative people back home due to have external forces like father, brother, society, community but once they reach west its only them and their own concious... no one here stops anyone frm anything... the only person that can stop u from doing something wrong is YOU. when the person doesn't have strong base and all his he has abided to a law or custom because of external forces will not abide to the same law when those external forces are gone.

bottom line... don't feel obligated to fix ur cousins if u see them posting their pictures with tight jeans on facebook. its their parent's job to do so... they have not been well brought up to feel that what their doing is wrong. and its kinda late for them to change... unless someone really is able to convince them (by talking to them and educating them) not by using force.

[Master Khan]

dear brother. do you really think you can force someone to stick to their culture and religion? there are many negative outcome of using force.

religious, cultural, and moral values are instilled in a person from early childhood. we need food for our physical development and likewise we need lessons on moral values on daily basis. if a muslim is posting his/her picture online with vulgar clothing means he/she is not aware of how it should be against his/her moral and religious beliefs... and it implies that the person is not brought up so well. u can use force to teach such person... a slap or two but it wouldn't bring any long term change... the person might stop doing this out of fear rather than understanding what was being done wrong.

forcing someone to follow a religion or culture is like keeping a prisoner in jail... they will either remain a prisoner for the rest of their life or one day they will set themselves free...

i am sure u have heard of many people (guys and girls) that have broken free as soon as they have entered a western country... they could be very conservative people back home due to have external forces like father, brother, society, community but once they reach west its only them and their own concious... no one here stops anyone frm anything... the only person that can stop u from doing something wrong is YOU. when the person doesn't have strong base and all his he has abided to a law or custom because of external forces will not abide to the same law when those external forces are gone.

bottom line... don't feel obligated to fix ur cousins if u see them posting their pictures with tight jeans on facebook. its their parent's job to do so... they have not been well brought up to feel that what their doing is wrong. and its kinda late for them to change... unless someone really is able to convince them (by talking to them and educating them) not by using force.

No their Parents don't care and If their Parents care then I don't care aswell because its their kids not my.
Their is no way I am going to Grow my kids up like this and to be honest our village is great for learning because if they are born and grown up in the west then its problems.
If they let them do what ever they want then they will end up dating and going to club etc..and I don't want that

[Mayana]

I think it's BS,us guys screw around our whole lives and when done want a neat pious wife, who is virtuous and has never seen this world .. They don't want someone like themselves so they find whoever poor girl they can get their parents to grab for them and then devote their lives to making her an obedient wife "protecting" her from western culture, making her life miserable

A woman has the right to choose whatever she wants to do with her life, she is the one who is gonna be responsible for her actions.. I don't see any point in dictating your values upon others especially when you have never followed them yourself.. I'd rather marry someone who wants to do all that by herself not cuz of some dude breathing down her neck all the time.

Other day I was going through that good qualities in a woman thread.. Everyone wanted a frikin cook not a wife

Quoted for truth.

How refreshing to see a man who is aware of all that hypocrisy..

[Zahia]

I think it's BS,us guys screw around our whole lives and when done want a neat pious wife, who is virtuous and has never seen this world .. They don't want someone like themselves so they find whoever poor girl they can get their parents to grab for them and then devote their lives to making her an obedient wife "protecting" her from western culture, making her life miserable

A woman has the right to choose whatever she wants to do with her life, she is the one who is gonna be responsible for her actions.. I don't see any point in dictating your values upon others especially when you have never followed them yourself.. I'd rather marry someone who wants to do all that by herself not cuz of some dude breathing down her neck all the time.

Other day I was going through that good qualities in a woman thread.. Everyone wanted a frikin cook not a wife

I love your opinion and agree with you completely. Thank you for being so forward thinking...

[Muslimah]

I heard in a lecture once a sheikh talking about the pin on our debit/credit card, and how much we cherish it. Why? Because it is personal to us. And we don't share this with others. So why would she share the beauty of our women with others, seeing that this is more attractive than our credit card pin? Of course, I am probably explaining it quite poorly, but the lecture really put it in perspective.

There are a few important things though:

Women - You should want to preserve your beauty by covering FOR YOURSELF, and out of respect for your husband and your Creator. You should feel that you are SO precious (the most precious gem out there), that you are too precious for everyones eyes, and only those that truly cherish you and love you should have the right to see your beauty. That's how I feel anyway. On top of that, I am very proud of being Muslim, so I wear my hijab with a smile because I want everyone to know I am Muslim.

Men: There is a HUGE difference between asking your woman to do something and telling her. She should know herself how to honour her body and keep her modesty. It is natural that when people are told to do something, they rebel. We are not objects and can think for ourselves. If you want us to dress modest, there are very nice ways to go about it. Show us the importance of doing it as a muslim and how much more you would cherish us if we were to cover. But DO NOT TELL US. Then you will have your wife spitting in your dinner and her peers feeling like you are a controlling monster. Do you want others to say you control your wife, rather than cherish your wife? And DO NOT walk around like a douche and expect your wife to cover and be modest. You also have to be modest.


That's all I have to say.

[Muslimah]

Well, a woman that walks around showing off her private parts, curves, beautiful parts, often (not always...im not saying you men are all perverts) gets looked at as an object and not for what she has to say. Thats why...

But men also need to be decent and modest.

[Mayana]

My friend who is Pashtun is very sensitive about his sister. He makes sure she is covered up.

You should ask him how she is one of these days.. LOL jk he'll kill you

[Roshina]

Alaka Pashtuns need to look after their womens, I got cousins now wearing tight jeans and are on Facebook posting pictures of themself and uploading them on Facebook.
Da os Behaya time da and we need to look after our womens and make sure they stick to our Culture and Religion.

Thanks, but not all women need you to look after them, wrora We can take care of ourselves. We ask you to respect us, just like we respect you, but you don't need to cross limits and *demand* anything of us, or TELL us what to do, or *make* us follow our culture/religion. We have our own minds that we know very well how to use, k? In fact, mind you, some women know how to use their minds much better than even some men. So, to be honest, I think there are instances in which it should be the other way around: Women watching out for men because the latter (i.e., men) are far more weaker and less smart.

[Muslimah]

^That is westernized mindset.

Hey...mine would be "westernized" too then, right?

North, East, South or West - A woman should guard her modesty for Allah swt, not because her man DEMANDS she does it. It doesn't matter where she comes from or where she lives. No woman likes being told like a dog what to do, we like to be gently asked...