Marriage to non-Pashtuns

[Muslimah]

hmm

Sorry but I don't like this guy telling you his family will disown him and so on. If he can't take a stand for you then I would forget about him. Is his family in Canada or back home? This guy might be completely sincere with you (I dunno) but I think it's soooooooo wrong of him to get involved with you & then play the "I love you but my parents will disown me card" because I have heard similar stories from white, oriental & so on who fell in love with a Pashtun guy. Indeed we do have many very good decent men but just like every ethnic group there are good and bad.

Well, like I said. He is my friend. He does care for me and thinks I would make the ideal wife. He also doesn't want to marry a "village" girl as he would say because he would have nothing in common with her and wants a wife thats more than a maid. Where he comes from these women stay at home, cook, clean, and don't even talk to their husband except "Here is your dinner". He doesn't want that. But he is also afraid to stand up to his family and hurt them, so thats why I feel bad for him, as a friend.

I am 24. I am ready to get married. I am OLDDD. And trust me. I won't stick around and be treated like a potato sac. I am better than that, and Allah has sent me through so many hard times, that I don't deserve to suffer the rest of my life. I know he won't end up with me, but I genuinely just feel bad for him.

[Iqra]

Actually Ill have to agree with pishoo...kinda ...not sure if this is agreeing or expanding ...

but point is.. I think if a guy and girl want to get married, a guy has to fight for it ..

that's right guys.. I said it. and I'll stick to it like glue!

[Iqra]

Well, like I said. He is my friend. He does care for me and thinks I would make the ideal wife. He also doesn't want to marry a "village" girl as he would say because he would have nothing in common with her and wants a wife thats more than a maid. Where he comes from these women stay at home, cook, clean, and don't even talk to their husband except "Here is your dinner". He doesn't want that. But he is also afraid to stand up to his family and hurt them, so thats why I feel bad for him, as a friend.

Not all girls are like that back home... Some like the idea of school/work..some like the idea of being a housewife (I personally dont think anything is wrong with that) ..and some have been influenced negatively ..and some are like that and like this ...


Can't put what I was gooing to say into words ...grrr

[Muslimah]

his parents live in pakistan. But they dont want him to be with an educated woman. they said its not healthy because she will make him less of a man. hahahah
They have no intention to come to north america. They say its a land of haram.

[Iqra]

I agree with it.

the guy has to fight with it.


you cant have the girl knocking on the door "ACCEPT ME PLZ"

shabaas ...

The very fact that he described girls back home like that is another strike against him because it's just not true. There are plenty of educated & ambitious Pashtun ladies in Pakistan and Afghanistan if that's what he wants. It really sounds like a load of ___ that he's dishing out. Are his parents with in Canada? If yes would you be living with them if you two got married?

It's a bit confusing ...

bec it seems like ... maybe he has conflict with his parents about certain things ... but then again they are still his parents ..and he might end up doing what they say just because of that ... esp if hes the type that feels guilty ...

I am not just saying stuff like this..Ive known/ know ppl who have been /are in such situations ..and altho every case is diff ..sometimes there are simliar things we could learn from.

[Iqra]

well yeah it'd be kinda hard ..it'd be a diff story if he was like leaving his family ..which would be totally wrong but yeah diff story.

[Iqra]

You guys...it's unfair to make judgments about the parents as well.

She said he said things aren't always the best..as sometimes He forgets what she said ..etc etc ...

[Iqra]

Yeah but it's good to remember other ppls environment and how they might be obtaining that stuff and etc ...

People out in the west would say that ppl back home only oppress you and hate education ..which isn't true either...

[AnGaaR]

^ May u marry an african


In my mind its ok to marry a non pashtun.. only if laters u teach him/her pashto and make him pashton.. Isit possible?

[Muslimah]

eheh
his parents are quite uneducated. It is mean to say. But none of his sisters went to school - nor were they allowed. They only learned how to be housewives. He doesnt like that.

[Musafira]

hehe
Like I said. Whatever Allah wills. If it isn't him, I wish him all the happiness in the world. But I also feel bad because he is 27 and she is 16 and he grew up here and shes from back home and already telling all her friends she is going to get canadian citizenship and become an actress. Disgusting! Thats not islamic! Of course, he doesn't even know her. Not even her name. He won't find out until the night AFTER they marry. So, no matter whether I am in the picture or not, I don't think this is fair. All because of "reputation".

No matter who I marry, I know inshAllah I will help their "reputation" because I am smart and pious and will make a wonderful wife and mother hehe. Wow I sound so conceited like Shlombay all of a sudden. :D

This whole story is very confusing

You said on another thread "He wants someone who is educated and from this society as he grew up here" but his parents are in Pakistan & hate Western society. His sisters are all uneducated & housewives. Did his sisters not grow up in Canada? This 16 year old that you said wants to be an actress...is that who his parents want him to marry? I'm sooooooooooo lost. You said he can't know her name but he knows she wants to be an actress? Have they already proposed to that girls family or not?

[Muslimah]

Pishoo...all of this is correct. He thinks he knows who it is. His sisters all live back home and told him about it. He just gets mad at them in return and says he doesn't care to know about her.
He is here raising his 16 year old brother. Ironic, his possible future-wife is the same age as his brother. His one sister is here too with her husband (his cousin). The 16 year old is the one they made a deal with back home to marry. Without his consent or his knowledge. They say they won't "take it back" because it will bring great shame to their reputation and "people will talk".

It is confusing. Lol..but u follow very well.

[Musafira]

That's true.......it is a very big shame to take back a proposal. I'd forget marrying into this family if I were you. At your local mosque do they not have study groups or other activities for female members? If I were you I would make a big effort to get involved with them especially since you seem to be in a hurry to get married. These women will get to know you & like you & inshallah help you find a good husband.

[Roshina]

He asked me to marry him because he was so inspired and proud of who I am and what I have done to defend my religion, and my parents lost it - as did his.

Good to see that you’re understanding his parents’ side a little bit and are noting that parents are alike in some way everywhere. Just as this guy’s parents don’t want him to marry a foreigner, your parents don’t want you to marry a foreigner either.

Only because I was born in Canada.

No. Only because you’re not Pashtun. But you should try to understand why this is so, why most Pashtuns are unwilling to marry outside their culture.

He thinks he knows who it is. His sisters all live back home and told him about it.

He THINKS he knows who it is? If he doesn’t know for sure, I don’t find it very nice that you’re not only telling us about this girl but are making judgments about her dreams (i.e., that it’s disgusting and un-Islamic that she wants to be an actress). If I were you and I didn’t know for certain who this girl was, I wouldn’t say anything about her at all.

His sisters all live back home and told him about it. He just gets mad at them in return and says he doesn't care to know about her.

Umm… saying that he doesn’t care about her (the girl his parents have chosen) doesn’t say anything nice about this guy. He needs to talk to his parents like a civilized being instead of saying “I don’t care about her,” if that’s really what he’s doing.

He is here raising his 16 year old brother. Ironic, his possible future-wife is the same age as his brother.

How is it ironic that his potential wife’s age is the same as his younger brother’s? The girl his parents have chosen seems to be very happy about it, since, as you said, she's told all her friends that she's gonna come to Canada and all.

[Iqra]

^ May u marry an african

In Morocco