Marriage to non-Pashtuns

[A Khan]

Coming back to the original question on the thread....would I marry a non-Pashtun? I think so.

For men it seems like kind of a no-brainer if they like a non-Pashtun girl, provided they can ensure they teach their children about Pashtunwali.

Because I am a woman and the Pashtun identity only passes along patriarchal lineage, I wouldn't bother mostly because I am from a non-Pashtun country [and got plenty of male cousins to carry the identity forth]. But I will teach my prospective children about the Pashtun diaspora, culture and Pashtunwali, something that I am actually reading up a lot about myself lately.

I think that is most important to me - the teachings and way of life. Everything else seems comparatively superficial.

[Pisho]

Coming back to the original question on the thread....would I marry a non-Pashtun? I think so.

For men it seems like kind of a no-brainer if they like a non-Pashtun girl, provided they can ensure they teach their children about Pashtunwali.

Because I am a woman and the Pashtun identity only passes along patriarchal lineage, I wouldn't bother mostly because I am from a non-Pashtun country [and got plenty of male cousins to carry the identity forth]. But I will teach my prospective children about the Pashtun diaspora, culture and Pashtunwali, something that I am actually reading up a lot about myself lately.

I think that is most important to me - the teachings and way of life. Everything else seems comparatively superficial.

So what will you base it out of? Why does mr right has to have for you to marry him? If he is not Pashtun, then will you be basing it by Religion or it doesn't matter if he is Muslim or not? Or Just as long as he loves u thats ok?

[A Khan]

So what will you base it out of? Why does mr right has to have for you to marry him? If he is not Pashtun, then will you be basing it by Religion or it doesn't matter if he is Muslim or not? Or Just as long as he loves u thats ok?

Religion and personal belief will get the highest priority. Some people are born into families that are very traditional or devout, but don't personally beleive in them or follow them [very common amongst guys I know anyway] so someone who is well-read and understands, respects and follows traditions and has sound personal ethics seems to me a better partner.

I am not saying I will refuse to marry a Pashtun. What I am saying is that _because_ there are not a lot of Pashtun families where I live and work, and since my family and I don't meet a lot of them, I am open to marrying outside of the community. If I had to choose between a Pashtun who regards tradition yet is not close minded to other people and a non-pashtun who does the same, obviously the former will get priority.

[Pisho]

Religion and personal belief will get the highest priority. Some people are born into families that are very traditional or devout, but don't personally beleive in them or follow them [very common amongst guys I know anyway] so someone who is well-read and understands, respects and follows traditions and has sound personal ethics seems to me a better partner.

I am not saying I will refuse to marry a Pashtun. What I am saying is that _because_ there are not a lot of Pashtun families where I live and work, and since my family and I don't meet a lot of them, I am open to marrying outside of the community. If I had to choose between a Pashtun who regards tradition yet is not close minded to other people and a non-pashtun who does the same, obviously the former will get priority.

Interesting.. I personally could notmarry some1 who was not a Pashtun becuz i think language barrier will be too difficult to handle.. Even more than culture.. but I see what ur saying.. Well good luck lol

[asad71]

1.Pashtun girls are pretty. They are fiercely loyal. Would make good wives. Most Pashtun men are kind and gentlemen. However, some are quite crude.

2. Marriage among Muslims is normal. There is no bar here like obtaining in Hinduism. Some Muslim families do prefer marriages within the clan/tribe/family. But this has been proved to be bad for the offspring.

[Pisho]

Some Muslim families do prefer marriages within the clan/tribe/family. But this has been proved to be bad for the offspring.

can you elaborate more on this? Please

[Tjanaparh]

There is no bar here like obtaining in Hinduism.

Can you pleasy explain what You mean, I didn't understand You!

[Tjanaparh]

can you elaborate more on this? Please

I suppose he meant that in some Muslim communities it is quiet common tht relatively close relatives intermarry, while it is mostly seen as bad for the health of the children if practised for longer periods.

[asad71]

I suppose he meant that in some Muslim communities it is quiet common tht relatively close relatives intermarry, while it is mostly seen as bad for the health of the children if practised for longer periods.

1. You are right on this one.

2. Regarding Hindus, they have very strict cast division where inter-marriage is forbidden. The cast system is so powerful that the lower cast may not even touch the higher cast, use his well for fetching water, live under the same roof or eat from the same utensil. In fact the cook house has to be different. In spite of all efforts by social reformers there has been little change really.

[Tjanaparh]

1. You are right on this one.

2. Regarding Hindus, they have very strict cast division where inter-marriage is forbidden. The cast system is so powerful that the lower cast may not even touch the higher cast, use his well for fetching water, live under the same roof or eat from the same utensil. In fact the cook house has to be different. In spite of all efforts by social reformers there has been little change really.

Excuse me for sure, but as I know this cast view is not really rooted in Hinduism, because You can see that in ancient times there were a lot of children from parents of different casts. And same as I know firstly you were part of a cast according to your deeds and not Your birth. What happened is that people have distanced theirselves from the roots, but that happen not only to Hindus, that happens everywhere. I know many people who are Muslims that have no idea on Islam evident even for me, who has such a small knowledge on Islam, but ome people see being Muslim simply as something to birth related and did never even interest on Islam, I know such people. After but You see stupid people come nd say "Look - these are the Muslims, they are that and that...", even not thinking that those they consider as Muslims are so far away of Islam.

[A Khan]

There being nothing like the hindu cast system in Islam, I see the point you are making..

The only 'differences' among muslims lie in ethnicity/tribe/school of thought, etc. But because fundamentally we do not believe any sect is superior or inferior to another, there is meant to be no discrimination. Every Muslim is a brother or sister to another, and so forth and the identity of muslim takes precedence over other identities.

Then again comes the fact that some [okay, most] communities prefer to have their children marry within that community, believing it is essential to keep them from disappearing in the long run..it is how they have survived so many years in the first place.

So which one is correct? Both are valid points, so ultimately it is probably the individual's and his/her family's decision..

[25tajik75pashtun]

Any pashtun who willingly marries a punjabi is mentally ill.

[Since1947]

^ Well, then I guess more and more Pashtuns are becoming mentally ill.

[25tajik75pashtun]

^ Well, then I guess more and more Pashtuns are becoming mentally ill.

lol only the most liberal of families with no values would allow their daughters to marry a punjabi - the pashtuns that do this are a complete and utter disgrace, I'm glad the tajiks of our country have enough sense to not let their daughters go near men who will only ask of them to cook dal for the rest of their life. The only punjabis of worth are sikhs and they're not so great either.

[Kushan Prince]

lol only the most liberal of families with no values would allow their daughters to marry a punjabi - the pashtuns that do this are a complete and utter disgrace, I'm glad the tajiks of our country have enough sense to not let their daughters go near men who will only ask of them to cook dal for the rest of their life. The only punjabis of worth are sikhs and they're not so great either.

Pashtuns that marry tajiks are also mentally ill.