Parents

[Manzareh]

So our parents raise us, feed us, cloth us, shelter us, look after us when were ill basically go through years of hardship for us etc. what do you do when you get married..do you move away and live with your partner and kids..leave your parents and watch them grow old, weak and helpless to the point you put them in an old peoples home until they die? Or stick with them for life. what do you do/ or have done?

Alot of women here are all on this "women should be able to do this" vibe but i bet they would still think its a mans job to stay at home with his wife and kids and outrageous for the wife to bring the husband in to look after the parents..i mean why not?? its the west! women should be able to do everything that a man does and a man should be able to do everything that a women does, no?

this is a neutral question im just interested in peoples opinion regarding this.

[~Gangster~]

I would definitely stay with my Parents for it would be the best thing to do. As children grow up we are suppose to support our parents not leave them and go with our wives. It is our job when we grow up to support the family and be with them through thick and thin instead of leaving them and living our lives like strangers.

[Gulalai]

what if the parents don't have a son and only have daughters?
i think it's all the children's job to look after their parents when they grow older.
It may be more suitable for them to live with the son, but that doesn't mean daughters should just forget about them
or what if the daughter is more financially stable than the son for what ever reasons?
i think it depends on each family because all families are different, but either way the parents have to be looked after.

I see what you are saying though Manzareh wror, and i don't agree with the others who say that a woman should be able to do what a man can do, but i also don't agree with Alchemist's thread that women are useless. There are something a woman is better at, and there are somethings a man is better at. Men and Women are made for each other so it balances everything out... battle of the sexes is just stupid.

[kakargirl]

Gul made a interesting point there are families where there are no sons , so then its the daughters job to look after her parents and her in laws .

[Pakhtunzai]

My parents keep telling me when I get married I should move away and go into my own house, but its against my heart and the culture we've been following for many generations to look after our parents, especially when they get old. I can't bring myself to ever leave them. They say its to avoid the fights and hassle with the wife LOL. They are already dreading what their daughter in law will be like, because of experience with other relatives....

No matter how badly my parents have treated me or whatever the circumstance they are first in my book because of the very reasons Manzareh wror has stated in the beginning sentence.

Ps I don't really understand how Angrezaan can leave their parents to fend for themselves once they've grown up.

[Manzareh]

lol Pukhtunzai thats usually the case, and what tends to happen is the mother wants to be the boss and the wife also wants to be a boss, it becomes clash of the titans..the mother says the wife has come and stolen the son and the wife says she cant live the miserable life anymore and she is always targetted, this leads to hair loss

Sadly though 90% if not more people that i know that get married only stay with their parents for a year or so max and after that they move away, yeah they fund their parents but its not enough..some things money cant buy.

[*Mahzala*]

Granny flats are the way to go. Every woman wants her kitchen space to herself

[IamDZJ]

I am a much better person when i get my personal space. A lot more responsible and ambitious too. May be live across the street ???
I want be there for my siblings too....I cant imagine not being able to see them at least once in a day.

[Gulbabo]

I am a much better person when i get my personal space. A lot more responsible and ambitious too. May be live across the street ???
I want be there for my siblings too....I cant imagine not being able to see them at least once in a day.

i would like the situation like the above mentioned one.

and as far as taking care of parents are concerned... that is a must. not doubt about it.

i have heard many parents say, girls care about their parents way more than guys do

[*Mahzala*]

Right, so although my earlier comment is true, and can work out, it's not an idea I'd throw out at everyone. I still agree with granny flats though, for men who have smaller families, fewer siblings and feel obliged to take care of their parents. Culturally though, Manzareh, your scenario is of two extremes - either kick them out or stick with them for life - which, I would hope, doesn't happen as much as it should in the western society you speak of.

Naturally, yes, women need and prefer their own space, especially when expectations are involved. It's not any different for a woman who is married young and begins to grow with the family she marries into, to a woman who marries later on in life who is accustomed to doing things her way and one for whom isolation becomes a better company. For the first woman, she develops in this house, as do the other members who are both, by a certain period in their lives, very well acquainted with each other. For the second woman, she has two things to deal with: her marriage which comes at an age where she may feel she has fulfilled everything on her own which becomes second nature and the expectations that go over the top because of the late-age marriage. Point is: at one point, either early or later in the marriage, the couple will move out, for various reasons, they need to, for themselves, and everyone else, including parents.

[Manzareh]

@gulbabo. i dont know how true that is since girls get married and move away, in general they live a bigger portion of there lives away from their parents.

[*Mahzala*]

@gulbabo. i dont know how true that is since girls get married and move away, in general they live a bigger portion of there lives away from their parents.

The essence of Gulbabo's statement wasn't related to how much time a woman spends with her parents, but the manner in which she deals with them before and after marriage. I am not going to argue which gender takes better care of their parents but I will say that I disagree with the fact that girls spend more time away from their parents, and perhaps many of the girls here will agree, given a personal stance on the topic which takes into consideration our ages and marital statuses.

[Gulbabo]

@gulbabo. i dont know how true that is since girls get married and move away, in general they live a bigger portion of there lives away from their parents.

I am not sure about this 'move away' part. the 'away' sounds like you are talking about those girls who are married to another country or state, which doesn't happen always... but regardless of distance, girls care more for their parents than the guys... on average.

i have seen parents living with their son in the same home and their son could care less about them and the girl who lives far away cares for them a lot more...

i think it just comes naturally to girls... being able to balance both end better than the guys. guys are a little more careless compared to girls, in regards to most of the things in life...

i know i am generalizing but i am speaking in terms of average... the above case is not true for all girls and all guys.

and its not about the quantity of time girls spend at their parents home... its the quality of care they provide to their parents even when away.

[Manzareh]

I am not sure about this 'move away' part. the 'away' sounds like you are talking about those girls who are married to another country or state, which doesn't happen always... but regardless of distance, girls care more for their parents than the guys... on average.

i have seen parents living with their son in the same home and their son could care less about them and the girl who lives far away cares for them a lot more...

i think it just comes naturally to girls... being able to balance both end better than the guys. guys are a little more careless compared to girls, in regards to most of the things in life...

i know i am generalizing but i am speaking in terms of average... the above case is not true for all girls and all guys.

and its not about the quantity of time girls spend at their parents home... its the quality of care they provide to their parents even when away.

Well i must be a rare guy

[Manzareh]

Right, so although my earlier comment is true, and can work out, it's not an idea I'd throw out at everyone. I still agree with granny flats though, for men who have smaller families, fewer siblings and feel obliged to take care of their parents. Culturally though, Manzareh, your scenario is of two extremes - either kick them out or stick with them for life - which, I would hope, doesn't happen as much as it should in the western society you speak of.

Naturally, yes, women need and prefer their own space, especially when expectations are involved. It's not any different for a woman who is married young and begins to grow with the family she marries into, to a woman who marries later on in life who is accustomed to doing things her way and one for whom isolation becomes a better company. For the first woman, she develops in this house, as do the other members who are both, by a certain period in their lives, very well acquainted with each other. For the second woman, she has two things to deal with: her marriage which comes at an age where she may feel she has fulfilled everything on her own which becomes second nature and the expectations that go over the top because of the late-age marriage. Point is: at one point, either early or later in the marriage, the couple will move out, for various reasons, they need to, for themselves, and everyone else, including parents.

Thanks for that. I purposely gave two extreme scenarious and was expecting replies back from someware inbetween, sadly though for alot of people these two extremes are often what happends. I knwo in Pashtun culture the men stay in the house and there kids become everyones kids and so forth. in kali maybe this is possible, i dont see how this can be successful in the west though. for the reason that its something very concrete in our culture the parents are naturally more gutted that a boy is leaving to get his own house with his new wife and new life and new family.