culture

[salahuddin]

i love my afghan pashtun culture nothing wrong with it at all i think its the best way of life there is, i wouldn't change a thing .

How do you know it is when your living in the UK and never even been to Afghanistan?

[salahuddin]

Praying Namaz and not knowing what or why we are parying. Sorry I don't want to generalize but we have people like that, who don't care about religion and only pretent that they care.

Well, some people are put off seeing those who care too much about religion start taking the law into their own hands and threaten others.

You should be happy that they pretend to care. Religion divides communities and enslaves them to serve others.

[Alchemist]

Well, some people are put off seeing those who care too much about religion start taking the law into their own hands and threaten others.

You should be happy that they pretend to care. Religion divides communities and enslaves them to serve others.

[Feroza_Banu]

in some cases talking to your wife or husband or referring to them by their names in front of their or your parents is apparently something to be ashamed of.
i once saw this one guy refusing his wife's request to hold the baby for a while because the guy's mother was in the room. i was not supposed to see this of course but i couldn't help the curiosity so i asked her later. it's said to be disrespectful.

peroza khane maa ki amadi mekhuri bokho, namekhuri qesit muft ast.

LOLLL @ your last line... khane to ke amadum to ke ba ma chize nati ma khodem merum megirum mekhorom... bareto muntazir na meshinum...


continuing on your post.. hahaha... i can't help but laugh this is sooo true. my mom, still comments negatively about any guy who holds his baby infront of elders... like its supposed to be the biggest shameless thing a man can do. if he gives a little "naaz" to his child infront of other, he is automatically labeled as be sharam, and be cultoor... or may be sometimes too feminine... he basically means he holds no respect for the elders present.

at my in laws, sitting next to your husband, talking to him, eating with him infront of family elders is considered a taboo... its a matter of sharm... the husband is pretty much at ten feet distance from the wife....

i still don't remeber my husband calling my name infront of others in his family... its pretty much "hayyyyyyyyyyy, ooooooooooooo, khabara wawra aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, chisht chisht, cheri yeeeeeeeeeee oooooooow," and if i am not there ane he wants to enquire about me from someone else... its "da bala tsa swa?, or dagha tsa swa?... or injilai cheri da?...

and yes i can completely imagine him not holdng his child infront of his mom and dad lol

weird things, i tell ya!

[Roshina]

at my in laws, sitting next to your husband, talking to him, eating with him infront of family elders is considered a taboo... its a matter of sharm... the husband is pretty much at ten feet distance from the wife....

I KNOW! I still can't get it to make sense to me. I mean, everyone knows that he's the one you'll be having kids with, but they object if you so much as sit next to him? :S My mother told me that in her mother's time, wives were required to cover their faces when their husband entered the house when others were around. It was considered shameful for a woman to show her husband her own face in front of others. 'Course, me being the qrratu that I am, I was like, "But, mom, why? Why would the husband and wife be required to hide the most natural fact there is -- that they're married and perfectly legal to each other?" My mom was like, "Be sharmey, it's because the wife is embarrassed about the fact that she and her husband create kids together."

If someone can explain the reason behind it, something that doesn't suggest that the ONLY thing on people's/elders' minds when they see a married couple sitting next to each other is the process they go through to have kids, I will be grateful.

No wonder I used to think badly of women who held their husband's hands when taking photos.

I think there was a great reason I wasn't born in my mother's or grandmother's time.

[Feroza_Banu]

^Roshina: LOL... yes this is all i have heard from my elders and I have had many why questions in the back of my mind... i actually was lucky enough to witness it!

i went back to Afghanistan for my wedding and my in laws had come from kilai for our wedding... they all were dressed in traditional gird laman clothes with big shawls wrapped around them fully covering their faces. they covered their faces from everyone!... they wouldn't talk to their husband at all, hide their faces from them, not address them directly... i mean there was this awkward distance between them.

they even hid their faces from the women in the family... for the first few days i hadn't seen their faces so one day i went and sat next to one of them, i playfully removed her hand from her face so i could see her. she was so damn beautiful... i was like waiiiiiiiiii tsona shaista ye... makh walai pataye?.. she is like... 'wai kho dagha zmong rawaj dai... ' and she started giggling... she was soooooo shy as if a guy had seen her face.

i saw so many things that i had heard about from my mom and others in the family... it is actually true? can you believe it hahaha..

[kakargirl]

How do you know it is when your living in the UK and never even been to Afghanistan?

because iv been back over 7 times and stayed there over 4 months each time i went and in uk i live the same life i would back there my dress code to everything so i know very well what my culture is and how strict it is im a very strict conservtive pashtun girl i dont go out get dropped off at all girls uni picked ,after that i dont go out no where and i mean no where our girls only go out after they are married and their husbands take them out , i wear burqa to uni i live a strict life do i mind it no i dont i love my culture long live long live our culture , you talk like you know me im not yoyr average pashtun girl living in the west that has dropped everything and dosnt know nothing and non of our family girls in uk wear the western trashy clothing and nor do we talk about meeting up with nah mehrans or talk about hooking up one thing i dislike the most people who talk about one thing and then switch modes i dont switch modes i am what i am do i care what people think no i dont each to their own but please they should stick to one thing. i stick to one thing.im a strict coservative old fashioned pashtun girl .

[Nick]

Well, some people are put off seeing those who care too much about religion start taking the law into their own hands and threaten others.

You should be happy that they pretend to care. Religion divides communities and enslaves them to serve others.

Well, some people are put off seeing those who care too much about religion start taking the law into their own hands and threaten others.

In a country like Afghanistan which suffered 45 years of political confilct and development, and 35 years of war and bloodshed, it is indeed true that even the most educated person would behave like an animal. Having said that I know people would disagree would me, but again that's my personal point of view and i don't expect people to agree with me. So if that person who thinks of himselves educated and takes law and order under his hand, God bless him for that, after all the question is "WHO IS EDUCATED EDUCATED ENOUGH TO STOP HIM"

You should be happy that they pretend to care.

That is a problem in the Afghan cummunity we always expect so much from someone even if they pretent we still want it.
Well unfortunatly in here we don't want people to pretent to be muslims, just be a kufar and things would go smoothly like in many industrial non-Islamic developed countries when it comes to information, knowledge and education regarding religion, politics or anything this "Pretending" only shows someone's stupidiy and if you support such society. Then I tell you the norm of civilization would never have existed today. We all care and we should care and if we don't then many calamities can come and distroy our relationships, friendship, treditions, familyhood, culture and most importantly distroy the core of our society which we build for hundreds of years.

Religion divides communities and enslaves them to serve others.

I am not really sure if we are in the same page. First of all Religion is made to unite the communities, to divide the community is a Shia properganda, i don't want to go there, but all i have to saw is that if people share common knowledge.

I too once had this modern Kufari mentality of saying its better at least the pretent to be muslim if they are not muslim.
A wise man's advice changed my view

There are ten people sitting a room.
a) 2 of them read Quran
b) 2 of them never read Quran but considered themselves muslim
c) 2 of them read Quran with meaning and researched with tafseer
d) 2 of them read quran but forgotten most of the parts
e) 2 of them read Quran, with translation, but they were Kafir in Heart.

A discussion rises and a fight happens 4 dies, 2 goes to hospital, and 2 disappears, and 2 stays in room.

The four who died were a) and b).
(A) were killed because they just pretented to know to much but didn't knew anything just read quran like idiots do. (B) were killed because they were to be siding one and than another and were lost in between. (C) were send to hospital again cause they were stuck between a), b) and c)
e) they stayed in room alive simply because they were kafir and their only mission was to prove that Islam divides people.

Who were the ones who run away? Right like a cop you may wonder it was them who killed the four or like an Afghan you might think "Beghariat" like the pu$$y cats ran away.

In Fact (C) Run away just before the mode of fight takes its shape, the fight happenen because there were many elements of naiveness, Hypocrisy, and Kafiryat were mixed, best advince from Islam is to escape such Majlis and discussions.

I know the way I placed this short story may not make sense because many parts of the story is missing as well as details but hey this is just an imaginary example.

[Shayesta]

you talk like you know me im not yoyr average pashtun girl living in the west that has dropped everything and dosnt know nothing and non of our family girls in uk wear the western trashy clothing

My dear, with due respect to your personal opinion, I am glad you are enjoying your lifestyle. I am glad that you are satisfied with the way you are brought up and the way you expect your future to be. Nonetheless, why would you call a lifestyle another person enjoys 'trashy'? If girls want to wear jeans, or hang out with friends and their family are okay and they are happy, why would you accuse them of 'dropping' their culture? And what do you mean with average Pukhtana? Who is a Pukhtana in your eyes? I am one of those Afghans who was brought up as an Afghan, spoken Pukhto with, been thought values, manners and limits. I worked very hard ever since I was very young, used to wear 'Western' clothes (as in jeans, jackets, etcetera), used to communicate with my male classmates and workers, shake hands with male cousins whenever I meet them, and I am very proud of my upbringing and lifestyle and my love for Pukhto and Pukhtoon hasn't gone anywhere. See how different our lifestyle is? And see how someone who lives the opposite lifestyle to you can feel offended by being called 'dropped-out Pukhtana' or being told they wear trashy clothes? If your heart is strong enough then even if a girl lives alone she will keep her Islamiyat and Afghaniyat, if heart is filled negativity then even closed doors can wake the evil into her. Live your life, let others live theirs. Don't judge other people's personal opinion, they won't judge yours.

[IamDZJ]

"i do what i do because i like doing it" can apply either way. you can't be so pious out of your own will when you are so judgmental of someone else's way of living.
it's good to dress up appropriately and choose one's company thoughtfully but for one's own reasons not so from the fear of avoiding strangers who know nothing about you pointing fingers towards you. that is just being a slave to someone else's way of thinking.
non insecure/paranoid afghan women raise proper respectful sons with great values and since they were not raised up with out someone explaining their lifestyle to them, they do not end up being frustrated sexually or otherwise. when they meet someone of the opposite gender, sex is not the only thing in their mind. this is something very hard to understand for those of us who were thought to hide from the our male cousins by our lazy parents who couldn't be bothered enough to teach us proper ways of approaching men or women with out losing control over our emotions or sense of integrity.
i plan on raising children who are not threatened by each other's genders. that is something which is against afghan/pashtun culture but it's not against MY culture. I ALSO DON'T CARE (AND WILL EDUCATE MY CHILDREN NOT TO DO SO) FOR WHATEVER IT IS THAT THE FOLLOWERS OF THE CURRENT PASHTUN OR AFGHAN CULTURE THINK OF A LIFESTYLE AS SUCH.

[kakargirl]

My dear, with due respect to your personal opinion, I am glad you are enjoying your lifestyle. I am glad that you are satisfied with the way you are brought up and the way you expect your future to be. Nonetheless, why would you call a lifestyle another person enjoys 'trashy'? If girls want to wear jeans, or hang out with friends and their family are okay and they are happy, why would you accuse them of 'dropping' their culture? And what do you mean with average Pukhtana? Who is a Pukhtana in your eyes? I am one of those Afghans who was brought up as an Afghan, spoken Pukhto with, been thought values, manners and limits. I worked very hard ever since I was very young, used to wear 'Western' clothes (as in jeans, jackets, etcetera), used to communicate with my male classmates and workers, shake hands with male cousins whenever I meet them, and I am very proud of my upbringing and lifestyle and my love for Pukhto and Pukhtoon hasn't gone anywhere. See how different our lifestyle is? And see how someone who lives the opposite lifestyle to you can feel offended by being called 'dropped-out Pukhtana' or being told they wear trashy clothes? If your heart is strong enough then even if a girl lives alone she will keep her Islamiyat and Afghaniyat, if heart is filled negativity then even closed doors can wake the evil into her. Live your life, let others live theirs. Don't judge other people's personal opinion, they won't judge yours.

salam shayesta sorry if my post offended you but some one on here has told me to speak my mind and don't try to please others salhuddin who is m16 is always throwing questions at me like i dont know what it feels like to live like a strict pashtun woman that i must be free like girls are in the west so i answered him in best way i could, il remove the average part as i know some great pashtun khwa girls in uk that will be removed ,now as for you good you like to wear western clothes jeans skirts what ever you like thats fine , me i would never go near such clothing thats me my self, im not afraid of nothing as i will never change even if i was living on my own my strict veiws and rules will apply , i intend to raise my daughters the same way inshallah if i ever have any as i was raised so thats me my veiws nothing can change that, and good for you you sit with men colleagues and shake mens hands, me i would never do that again thats me , plus the lineage i come from its not a done or accepted thing to go around shaking male hands so its not acceptable back home , shaysta thats me my veiws the majority females on here are with your veiw so what does it matter if one veiw is different to yours, a human knows who they are what they think, so it dosnt matter what anyone else says shaysta you know who you are, sorry about the post there is no average ect ok, im very busy these days only came on to answer you , so i say sorry again for upseting you but i love my culture and wouldnt change anything i love my father my brothers , i like their rules and strictness i have no problem with nothing nor do i ever intend to change anything , so good luck khorai.

[emkhan]

we are proud of our culture and covering fully is a part of our culture and those who want to bring innovations to pukhtun woman dressing are not among us. they should leave this forum....
we love our cultural values more than anything on this planet.

[Shayesta]

@Kakar
First of all I got a request. Can you please use capitals and dots in your messages because it's confusing me at times as in where the line ends? Moreover, I got no idea what you mean with 'free' girls and I have got no idea why 'skirts' is the first thing which comes up to you when we speak of Western clothes as skirts were being worn in Kabul way before many countries in Europe? And I never questioned your lifestyle khorey, never. For me, happiness of an individual is possibly the biggest part of life, happiness is what makes people enjoy today and look forward to tomorrow. I didn't say I disagree with your lifestyle, or that I speak to random people and wear any type of clothing (I wear hijaab myself by the way). My point was what you mentioned already, you know best yourself who you are and what to be and not everyone's opinion has to match. But respect should be brought forward to different lifestyles and acceptance should be put regarding different lifestyles. We shouldn't call a non-hijaab Pukhtana 'culture-less', not a burqa wearing woman 'oppressed'. We look down upon each other's lifestyle for this very same reason, lack of respect and lack of understanding. I hope you, and others in the same boat, understand what I am talking about and understands how certain words shouldn't be used in future. Just to keep the forum, and our minds, healthy.

[Laila]

Hmmmm there are a couple on top of my head that I dont like about our culture.

1) We at times make our guest feel so uncomfortable. We constantly push them to eat more food than they actually can, and serve more tea than they ever had in their life in like 3 hours.
2) Guest and host fighting over who pays for what.....jeez, the guest should know that the host has invited you, later on you can pay him back by making him your guest

[Midnight_Sun]

I would say the things I enjoy the most about our culture:

Altruism in regards to community
Respect towards Elders
Hospitality to guests


The things about our culture I do not like*:

Pride that makes families ignore problems within their own family and/or community and never allows them to forgive and forget.

Chastisement, banishment, or punishment for those who have committed mistakes that do not bode well in a superficial sense, to the community's unwritten laws.

Gossip: The unnecessary gossip that fuels fires between families

Hypocrisy: Ignoring the offenses of one person (or sex) while condemning the other for the same action

--

* I am aware these problems occur in almost every culture out there, so please don't reply back that I am ignoring another culture.