I am LOST

[spogmai shaglay]

Thank u very much Osho for ur Valuable comments and i have read it many times after you pointed out the pitfallls....as in rhythm....i amgoing to make a few changes which i have thought after ur critical feedback....

also it never occurred to me even while writing that it would sound like a romantic one.....(i read it again this time).....
anyways the words just came...i didnt make much attempt to write it....

also the comfort of father's arm cant according to me be compared to a lovers....i thinki can go on explaining every line where u must have felt that its a romatic poem....

grammatical erorrs, rhyme and other suggestion by you will be definitely considered by me in my future writings.....

thanks again.....i knew that only you would give a critical feedback which gives me now more scope for improvement.......

Manana....

[ijaz yousafzai]

oss wakhtoona hagha na dee daa sa chal sho
Da zrah kor me staa da yaad tanoor ke bal sho

Za da gham ogda koosa ke daase wrak shom
Che ta lare no jehan zama badal sho ------ijaz yousafzai

[IamDZJ]

lol @ people admiring unnecessary emotional attachments being confusing for affection. actually, ouch.

so i missed the point where the poem is said to be written for a dad. my sincere apologies.

[spogmai shaglay]

I want to give you feedback but I really like it the way it is. I hope you are not offended.

Feedback is always welcome.....which would give me scope to improve....thanks....

[spogmai shaglay]

lol @ people admiring unnecessary emotional attachments being confusing for affection. actually, ouch.

so i missed the point where the poem is said to be written for a dad. my sincere apologies.

DaZahroJaam.. confused????? Must be you……not me at all….. I am clear about what I have written… you have interpreted my poem wrongly……and for sympathy????? Dear you will have never seen me sympathizing with anybody here nor asking for sympathy…..Alhumdullilah….i am as hard as a rock…. Whenever there is thread asking for prayer for family members I never respond…..doesnt mean I don’t pray…..i don’t believe in sympathizing openly dear……..it should all be in the heart……also I don’t like to discuss personal issues here at alll…..

To all those who felt the I AM LOST seems to be a romantic poem…

As we grow up…..we tend to forget our feelings towards our parents ….. when we were young…..our relationship with them….
Your father is the shield between you and the world….you won’t realize this unless the shield is broken, shattered and you get the blow from the world….Da ZahroJaam… have you seen the real world….u have not….u cannot.. until your shield is over you and you will realize this (the presence, absence and aftermath) only after this shield is broken…..( May this shield of your never break…Pray always that you die before your loved ones)

Your world seems to be in disguise….till you have your parents there are all lovely talks from your near and dear ones….when they are not….you see the real faces…..you see real world and yes in horror….

As we grow up we forget the warmth and tenderness of the arms of our father……..have u ever been hugged, carried by your father????? Then when I mention this in the poem why do u forget the arms of your father and think about a lover/husband/wife and interpret the poem to be romantic…….cause you no longer care or you no longer remember his kind gestures, his care, his love for you…..how ever loving your husband/wife….however kind can never give you the same love that can be given by your father….
As grownups to many people, only love of a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend seems more important that maternal and paternal love…..

Who can be your best guiding star??????? No one better than your father……you don’t realize this ….why???? Now we have grown up and we are too learned and intellectual to consider our father as our guiding star……..and what if your father was your guiding star at every step of your life???? With him gone…..You will be lost???????of course….

What would you do when you are eldest in the family….with the father lost you are expected to be one taking care of others (emotionally too)…you are as much hit as others In the family……younger ones can cry.. You pacify them…they look forward to you and now if you cry….they break down completely……

And it’s the agony of the child who has lost his/her father……only ones who have lost will understand……others are lucky ones (Masha Allah) who still have your beloved fathers with you…..

I wish that no child loses his/her father……

I felt like an English teacher…..explaining the metaphor and similies in the poem….

An honest request…..only if you can give critical feedback….you are welcome as it give further scope for improvement…..and if you point out a flaw please also offer some solution to it… (as Osho as done in his post above)….

Please no sarcastic remarks and no jumping to conclusions about people……….

DaZahroJaam....Now do you see it written for dad or still not?????????

[IamDZJ]

I said I m sorry didnt i? I cant stand reading long posts so I gave up halfway through the poem. Give me a break already.

[spogmai shaglay]

I said I m sorry didnt i? I cant stand reading long posts so I gave up halfway through the poem. Give me a break already.

without reading the entire poem how can u judge it.....and how can u judge the comments of others........i too cant stand long posts.....but this is creative writing section and it was clearly mentioned when this thread was made that it is going to have long articles and peoms tooooo....BREAK GIVEN.........

And since u said no lines seen written for dad hence my answer (the previous post).....

so please go through it.....after the break....

[IamDZJ]

I SAID I AM SORRY I DIDN'T READ THE POEM COMPLETELY DUE TO IT'S LENGTH SO I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS WRITTEN FOR YOUR FATHER.l

[spogmai shaglay]

its not specifically written for my father....all children who have lost their loved one.....

and please dont say sorry anymore DaZahroJaam......its ok.........

Thanks anyways...it gave me a chance to explain it to others as welll......

[*Mahzala*]

I don't think I will ever get over how well this poem is written. You have not wasted a single word Spogmai, and when I say this, I mean, despite its simplicity (in terms of its language), the emotion it arouses echoes in every heart that feels the same way. I have written poems of the same genre, and I, for one, know the agony and futility one feels when composing those words, that to others, are merely a story, but to us, they remain our strongest of fears, insecurities and closed pages in our lives. All of my poems are to directed at someone I lost, someone so dear to me, I couldn't imagine life without. But when death knocks on your door, and you witness your loved ones entering their new abodes, of dust, darkness and silence, you submit, you have no choice. Later, the pen becomes your best friend, the pen who composes praise in their name, despite the fact that it understands the futility of it, that it can't change a thing, nor reduce any grief, but we do, we have to express, we need to express and untie those knots. Spogmai, I will forever reread this poem, as it is not only written excellently, but reflects the very same experience I wake up to everyday. Khuday de derta de zrhe sabar darki Graane.