Domestic Violence Against Men

[khushal]

How many Pashtun men have you spoken to? In my case, pashtun men have bragged about how one of their cousins throw his wife from the roof top because of some stupid sh..t... But then again who burns girls schools, who cuts women's noses, who bombs girl schools, who wears a burqa to blow up some stuff and then american shoot women wearing burqa thinking they're suicide bombers? ---- what reality do you live in?

In Afghanistan, especially among the pashtuns, women are property. Just like cattle and land, one buys a woman by paying a dowry.

For centuries we have treated our women as property and subhuman, how many centuries will it take to remove that mental catastrophe? Its not going to happen anytime soon.

straw man fallacy. Try again.

[khushal]

Don't be so judgmental, khushal. It's not necessarily common amongst Dari speakers because they are "shameless" buy because they searched for a solution for a problem. It's was a wrong solution but you have to consider the fact that they put effort towards the matter. Non Pashtun afghan women in majority are not the sort to take pride in their ability to take crap from others. Pashtun women are taught to do exactly that. You are a good woman if you keep your voice low and not be confrontational.
Maybe a Pashtun woman never ended up getting beaten because she wouldn't dare say no to her husband. That is not necessarily a good thing either.

What solution did they search for?

I never said they are shameless. I said they have no shame in these matters.

The problem is that Pashtuns don't leave their spouse so if they are stuck in an abusive relationship, they are stuck. I know Pashtun men who have married Dari speaking women and the men take every abuse the woman can throw at him because the men are afraid the Dari speaking women will divorce them and in Pashtun society, you know the stigma of divorce.
And not all Pashtun women take abuse from their husbands, you are right its about the values they are raised with, but not all are raised in the matter you speak of. The woman can leave her husband and go back to her parents or brothers house if she claims issues. Before she goes back to her husbands house, those issues have to be resolved by her and her brother/father/mother and her husband or husbands family.

There is another person in our village who now lives in London. He would go to London for work and return once a year to his wife and family. His wife claimed that her in laws were mistreating her and she went to her parents house and demanded that this issue be resolved. She told her husband that either he take her to London with him or that he stay in Afghanistan permanently. So he took her to London.

[Teh Alchemist]

straw man fallacy. Try again.

In fact its far worse back home.

Forget wife beating, daughter beating is even common among the western Afghans.

We're not a civilized people and our women are even further from being civilized because of the added sub-humanity assigned to them.

There are many reasons why Afghanistan is one of the worst countries in the world, but one major reason is the situation of women -- illiterate and brutalized mothers breed brutes.

[Pakwatan]

I seen this video of Iranian guy beating his wife.

Never seen such low class behavior in my life.
Persian man beat his wife in naragh city iran - YouTube


Anyways I know quite a few Pashtuns from Pakistan and I'm 99% sure they would never hit their wives. Maybe there is the rural and jahil segment among them that would, but most educated Pashtuns don't engage in this kind of low class behavior.

[Teh Alchemist]

Domestic abuse is rife in all developing countries, especially Muslim countries because Quran says beat your wives.



When Allah himself hates women and says beat them, why not?

[Al Hanif]

This thread is about violence against men.

Notice how Cup of Poison said it doesn't exist.

And how the thread was quicky derailed into violence against women.

It's because no one cares about men.

If you are a man victim of violence and reading this, I want you to know that somewhere in this world, there is someone who thinks about you and knows you are suffering.

[Teh Alchemist]

If you are a man victim of violence and reading this, I want you to know that somewhere in this world, there is someone who thinks about you and knows you are suffering.

I'm a victim of Hallo's violence.

[DaZahroJaam.]

People who go in to marriages knowing divorce is an option, don't last very long in it. Having said that, there is no pride in staying in a marriage or tolerating abuse of any sort from the fear of being divorced. A man or a woman should not stop abusing his wife or husband from fear of being divorced buy out of respect and compassion for their partner.I don't know why you are throwing examples of your villagers in here but I too know of sad situations where husbands in foreign are barely surviving on their own and wives back home are throwing demands of being transferred to abroad like a queen. It's unfair.
You are supposed to get married to people you know you are capable of respecting who can return the same amount of it if not more to you. That is kin of hard when you are being traded for cash or cattle. So don't judge. Point out a problem and think of a solution. Don't just point out the problem so you can take pleasure in trash talking people.
I am not going to drag this conversation any longer with you.


Also, some people around here are so convince of their worthlessness that someone else's mere existence becomes an inconvenience to them. Kudos to them on the accuracy of their sense of worthlessness.

[Karachi]

I would just leave. I didn't wait so long to get married, just to be beaten/abused by my wife

[Al Hanif]

I'm a victim of Hallo's violence.

I do not know who you are or why you are on this forum.

I only know that you answered to my comment, and it's already a good thing.

I assume you answered to me because you suffer and you want to talk to someone.

If it were possible, I'd rather be with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and with an open heart.

But since this is not possible, I will talk to you here.

I know a number of people who are victims of the violence of women. I myself was in this case.

So I know what you can feel. I know that you are not able to read a big book, so I'll make it short.

1) The first thing you need to know is that you can overcome this situation.

Some people were in the same situation as you and they triumphed over this abuse.

I hope this information can give you a little hope.

2) The second thing you need to know is that this is not your fault.

Women are not always the victims, they murder, rape, stab, kill babies...

It is a common cultural feature in the west that women are innocent.

Actually, because of their inferior physical strengh, women have developped an acute sense of psychological violence.

3) The third thing you need to know is that you're a great human being. You are not ugly, not dumb, not worthless.

These words were meant to hurt you, the person who used these words to describe you suffers from pathological issues.

You are a wonderful man and (if you have kids) a great father.


I hope you are feeling better after these words.

If you were next to me, I would have given you a big hug.

I have to study now, I'll be back later.

[Karachi]

This thread is about violence against men.

Notice how Cup of Poison said it doesn't exist.

And how the thread was quicky derailed into violence against women.

It's because no one cares about men.

If you are a man victim of violence and reading this, I want you to know that somewhere in this world, there is someone who thinks about you and knows you are suffering.

why are you crying about it though? were you abused by your spouse? is the reason you dislike women?

[Teh Alchemist]

I do not know who you are or why you are on this forum.

I only know that you answered to my comment, and it's already a good thing.

I assume you answered to me because you suffer and you want to talk to someone.

If it were possible, I'd rather be with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and with an open heart.

But since this is not possible, I will talk to you here.

I know a number of people who are victims of the violence of women. I myself was in this case.

So I know what you can feel. I know that you are not able to read a big book, so I'll make it short.

1) The first thing you need to know is that you can overcome this situation.

Some people were in the same situation as you and they triumphed over this abuse.

I hope this information can give you a little hope.

2) The second thing you need to know is that this is not your fault.

Women are not always the victims, they murder, rape, stab, kill babies...

It is a common cultural feature in the west that women are innocent.

Actually, because of their inferior physical strengh, women have developped an acute sense of psychological violence.

3) The third thing you need to know is that you're a great human being. You are not ugly, not dumb, not worthless.

These words were meant to hurt you, the person who used these words to describe you suffers from pathological issues.

You are a wonderful man and (if you have kids) a great father.


I hope you are feeling better after these words.

If you wer next to me, I would have given you a big hug.

I have to study now, I'll be back later.

That was deeply moving. Thank you.

[khushal]

People who go in to marriages knowing divorce is an option, don't last very long in it. Having said that, there is no pride in staying in a marriage or tolerating abuse of any sort from the fear of being divorced. A man or a woman should not stop abusing his wife or husband from fear of being divorced buy out of respect and compassion for their partner.I don't know why you are throwing examples of your villagers in here but I too know of sad situations where husbands in foreign are barely surviving on their own and wives back home are throwing demands of being transferred to abroad like a queen. It's unfair.
You are supposed to get married to people you know you are capable of respecting who can return the same amount of it if not more to you. That is kin of hard when you are being traded for cash or cattle. So don't judge. Point out a problem and think of a solution. Don't just point out the problem so you can take pleasure in trash talking people.
I am not going to drag this conversation any longer with you.

trash talk? Judging? when did I do that? Youre making stuff up again.

[DaZahroJaam.]

you are/ you're.

[afghan]

i know that pashtun men are under control of their mothers and then their wives but the abusing is total new for me
can you contribute some sources

it has nothing to do with control but respect and culture. the men make their own decisions, but of course they look at their parents opinions.