Domestic Violence Against Men

[Al Hanif]

Men Suffer Domestic Violence Too - YouTube

[Al Hanif]

Unfortunately this thread will be ignored.

Domestic Violence Against Men - YouTube

[Al Hanif]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6oFNEoyub0

[Al Hanif]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lHmCN3MBMI

[Teh Alchemist]

Women use violence against men to show off to other women their power over that man. Verbal violence does not take away from the reality that love was defiled.

[khushal]

^^Not really. Women like to make other women jealous. Abusing men would not accomplish that task. Usually they show other women how much they are loved and show off their material. This kind of abuse whether its from the male side or the female side stems from control issues. They have this need to control the person. Most women use manipulation tactics. I have a hard time believing 40% of domestic violence is done by women, probably verbal abuse but certainly not physical abuse.

This abuse might be higher in Pashtun society than the general population since Pashtun men can not leave their women. But at the same time most Pashtun men are taught not to be controlled by anyone.

[HalloIsBack]

^^Not really. Women like to make other women jealous. Abusing men would not accomplish that task. Usually they show other women how much they are loved and show off their material. This kind of abuse whether its from the male side or the female side stems from control issues. They have this need to control the person. Most women use manipulation tactics. I have a hard time believing 40% of domestic violence is done by women, probably verbal abuse but certainly not physical abuse.

This abuse might be higher in Pashtun society than the general population since Pashtun men can not leave their women. But at the same time most Pashtun men are taught not to be controlled by anyone.

i know that pashtun men are under control of their mothers and then their wives but the abusing is total new for me
can you contribute some sources

[Teh Alchemist]

Usually they show other women how much they are loved...

How does a woman know if she's loved?

[DaZahroJaam.]

I have never in my life seen a Pashtun woman emotionally or verbally abuse their spouses. Amongst the Dari speakers and unless they are being physically abused themselves and are not in the position to, it is very very common. Emotional abuse as well as mental. It's torturous and embarrassing just to witness. They are taught by their mothers and sister in laws to keep their men in line and to get what they want.
I have never heard of a Pashtun man beating his wife or a Pashtun woman abusing her husband. Neglect her, yes. Beat her, never. Maybe it doesn't get to that point and maybe they hide it well.

[khushal]

I have never in my life seen a Pashtun woman emotionally or verbally abuse their spouses. Amongst the Dari speakers and unless they are being physically abused themselves and are not in the position to, it is very very common. Emotional abuse as well as mental. It's torturous and embarrassing just to witness. They are taught by their mothers and sister in laws to keep their men in line and to get what they want.
I have never heard of a Pashtun man beating his wife or a Pashtun woman abusing her husband. Neglect her, yes. Beat her, never. Maybe it doesn't get to that point and maybe they hide it well.

The reason you see it in Dari speaking communities is because they have no shame in these matters so they are open about it. Pashtuns hide it because of the shame factor.

There was this man in our village that married a Ghilzai lady from a neighboring village and she was a total control freak who was very physically and verbally abusive and she did not hide it. Somehow her husband died and people think that the lady did it, but there is no certainty. Anyways, the guy's married brother took her as a second wife and she kicked out the first wife from the house. The first wife couldn't handle her abuse so the first wife went back to her parents house permanently, which is kind of like divorce in Pashtunland.
She has daughters and no wants to marry them because they are afraid they might have the same behavior as their mother. So in this scenario what happens is they would be married off to someone from another village that does not know them very well just like the way their mother who was from another village was married to someone in my village that did not know her.

[khushal]

i know that pashtun men are under control of their mothers and then their wives but the abusing is total new for me
can you contribute some sources

There are no sources because such studies have not been done yet, but give it another decade, such studies will probably come out.

But I have seen many instances of such. The vast majority of abuse is done by men to women especially the physical. Most problems between man and wife come from the in laws. They are usually the instigators. If they don't interfere, the man and wife usually work things out by themselves.

[Teh Alchemist]

Most Afghan women, of any ethnicity, are brought up to think of themselves as subhuman and second class to men. Centuries of such attitude has made Afghan women behave as if they are subhuman. Even the so called elite Afghan women are behind all the facade, full of feelings of inferiority... No amount of education and white boyfriends can remove that sinking feeling of 'i'm not worthy'.

The natural reaction to a feeling of inferiority is to feel superior. Violence of all sorts can offer that feeling, so Afghan mothers beat their kids and if they could they abuse their husbands as well.

But what does violence achieve?

Violence breeds violence and usually its the women who end up being abused even to much a higher degree than they actually deserve, because once violence is unleashed it cannot be controlled.

As far as ethnic breakdown of wife beating is concerned, most Afghans beat their wives, but only pashtuns actually brag about it.

[khushal]

^^You have too many flaws in your analysis.

1. What you say existed in most cultures including the ones in the West for centuries.

2. Pashtun don't talk about their wives with other men. It is considered baighyrat.

[DaZahroJaam.]

Don't be so judgmental, khushal. It's not necessarily common amongst Dari speakers because they are "shameless" buy because they searched for a solution for a problem. It's was a wrong solution but you have to consider the fact that they put effort towards the matter. Non Pashtun afghan women in majority are not the sort to take pride in their ability to take crap from others. Pashtun women are taught to do exactly that. You are a good woman if you keep your voice low and not be confrontational.
Maybe a Pashtun woman never ended up getting beaten because she wouldn't dare say no to her husband. That is not necessarily a good thing either.

[Teh Alchemist]

2. Pashtun don't talk about their wives with other men. It is considered baighyrat.

How many Pashtun men have you spoken to? In my case, pashtun men have bragged about how one of their cousins throw his wife from the roof top because of some stupid sh..t... But then again who burns girls schools, who cuts women's noses, who bombs girl schools, who wears a burqa to blow up some stuff and then american shoot women wearing burqa thinking they're suicide bombers? ---- what reality do you live in?

In Afghanistan, especially among the pashtuns, women are property. Just like cattle and land, one buys a woman by paying a dowry.

For centuries we have treated our women as property and subhuman, how many centuries will it take to remove that mental catastrophe? Its not going to happen anytime soon.