Certain Afghan traditions

[MostafaM]

It depends on the family,.....

I know of an Afghan family (Kandari) who forced their daughter into a marriage after they had found out she had a boyfriend and stuff. They made her leave the country and basically sold her out.

...and I know of families who´s kids are just the best persons I have ever seen.

Whatever you are is the outcome of:
50% your family
50% environment, friends and school.

The retards, psychos and idiots come from households that are sick to the bone, with alcoholic fathers and promiscous mothers etc. They become what they see and are taught.

Simple as that.

[DSM0305]

It depends on the family,.....

I know of an Afghan family (Kandari) who forced their daughter into a marriage after they had found out she had a boyfriend and stuff. They made her leave the country and basically sold her out.

You make it sound like the family did something wrong... In this case the daughter sold her parents out. Anyone would do the same if not worse, if they found out their daughter got a boyfriend. They didn't raise a prostitute, but a daughter. Yet she goes and becomes a prostitute and gets a boyfriend... marrying her off was quite a mild thing to do.

[MostafaM]

You make it sound like the family did something wrong... In this case the daughter sold her parents out. Anyone would do the same if not worse, if they found out their daughter got a boyfriend. They didn't raise a prostitute, but a daughter. Yet she goes and becomes a prostitute and gets a boyfriend... marrying her off was quite a mild thing to do.

Of course she sold her parents out by being the way she was.
But we have to consider one point: she was a product of her family, not the other way around.

Why did she do that?
Why was she the way was and still is?
It has alot to do with the culture and upbringing she was taught at home.
Her parents are atleast 50% at fault. That´s my point of view.

Then she couldn´t get an Afghan husband and was somehow married off to a foreigner by her cousin somewhere far away from her family. And they dont have any contact to her.

I think we can´t expect from a person to be a rocket scientist if she doesn´t even know how to add 1+1.

[DSM0305]

Of course she sold her parents out by being the way she was.
But we have to consider one point: she was a product of her family, not the other way around.

Why did she do that?
Why was she the way was and still is?
It has alot to do with the culture and upbringing she was taught at home.
Her parents are atleast 50% at fault. That´s my point of view.

Then she couldn´t get an Afghan husband and was somehow married off to a foreigner by her cousin somewhere far away from her family. And they dont have any contact to her.

I think we can´t expect from a person to be a rocket scientist if she doesn´t even know how to add 1+1.

Completely agree with you.
Did her parent marry her out to a foreigner, that just sick parenting. Now that I look at the whole story, the parents were at the fault in this case.

[Shamlawar Khurasani]

I know many decent families with one or two misguided children. Likewise I know many decent people from horrible families.

I do believe that families play a major role in the way children turn out. But once you are an adult you need to stop blaming others. We have the ability to change ourselves. Lets not forget that.

[MostafaM]

I know many decent families with one or two misguided children. Likewise I know many decent people from horrible families.

I do believe that families play a major role in the way children turn out. But once you are an adult you need to stop blaming others. We have the ability to change ourselves. Lets not forget that.

Agreed.

But you can´t shine out the way children are shaped during childhood by parents and the household they are living in.
And not everyone is able to reflect on themselves and their past to make good judgements in the present.
We can´t shine out mental illnesses, neurosis, psychosis and other mental disorders that children get by emotional or physical abuse.

But in general you are right.
If someone is mentally healthy, then he or she can´t have any excuse that their families were disfunctional.

[Shamlawar Khurasani]

Agreed.

But you can´t shine out the way children are shaped during childhood by parents and the household they are living in.
And not everyone is able to reflect on themselves and their past to make good judgements in the present.
We can´t shine out mental illnesses, neurosis, psychosis and other mental disorders that children get by emotional or physical abuse.

But in general you are right.
If someone is mentally healthy, then he or she can´t have any excuse that their families were disfunctional.

Some mental illnesses are quite severe. In such cases, it is difficult to change. But in less severe cases, there is allot we can achieve. I know many inspiring stories of people.

[Badlun]

Pashtuns/Afghans have to recognize the significance of being a person, an individual not always part of a whole, a tribe, a family. Each individual is a unit while family or tribe or village is a union.

We must strike a balance between unit and union. Family and tribe should not decide fate of an individual and the individual should partake whatever essential with the family, tribe, village, community and society.

Marriage is a bond of love and life. Family role comes once we find the love for life. No body can find out love for you. Marriage without love is burning in hell fire each moment of life.

[MostafaM]

Pashtuns/Afghans have to recognize the significance of being a person, an individual not always part of a whole, a tribe, a family. Each individual is a unit while family or tribe or village is a union.

We must strike a balance between unit and union. Family and tribe should not decide fate of an individual and the individual should partake whatever essential with the family, tribe, village, community and society.

Marriage is a bond of love and life. Family role comes once we find the love for life. No body can find out love for you. Marriage without love is burning in hell fire each moment of life.

That´s why divorce is part of islamic law.
But in Afghan culture divorce is a big problem.

People could spare themselves and their families a big amount of headache if they would understand that certain cultural norms and standards are a relict of the past and not in any way compatible with Islam and religion.

Instead of burning in hell fire every day, a person can stop it by taking divorce.

It has alot to do with the personality and character.
Most Afghan/Pashtun women haven´t learned a profession or studied and wouldn´t be able to lead a life. They are kept dependent on their husbands because that bond of dependency makes them stick to their misery even if it´s unbearable.
So basically women are forced into and force themselves into a parasitarian mentality which takes away their freedom of choice and living.

Alot of cultural reform is needed for Afghans/Pashtuns.