Certain Afghan traditions

[IvNoName]

One Afghan tradition that I find really no longer applicable in the west is the whole traditions around marriage.

For most of us in the west, our parents are like our children, so to ask our parents to call and ask for some girl's hand from her parents is out of the question. If the girl and the guy find each other compatible then its their responsibility to arrange their marriage and get married. There is nothing western about this, this is the rational thing to do because the only reason parents dealt with marriage back home was due to the fact that back home the girl after marriage moved in with the guy's parents, secondly marriage has always been a business deal, and still is among most cultures, even in the west.

Secondly the whole marriage reception and feeding people who simply come to gossip and find faults is a waste and so is the money spent on jewelry. Jewelry used to be an investment, today that is no longer the case, and of course jewelry is no longer fashionable.

Thirdly, marriage is just the beginning and not the end, so one must never forget that, because most people make the marriage the goal and then once that is achieved they no longer see anything ahead.

[IvNoName]

Afghans are a little too much into family. For example some girls who marry, they wish to become part of the family of their husband. I think that is just stupid, and the same applies if it is the guy. Why would anyone want to become part of some family? even if they're the best of people, becoming part of someone else's family is inherently a bad idea.

The whole point of marriage is to start one's own family.

[Smarty]

You are no longer afghan/pashtun. West has assimilated you.

[Pakwatan]

Salaam brother,

As a Punjabi, I think the west influenced you too much. Ever since I moved to west, my parents back home always told me that they don't care who I marry, but prefer that I marry my cousin. I've met many girls here. None are as sweet as my cousin. None of the western 'muslimahs' even come close to my cousin.

Inshallah, I will marry my cousin next year, who has been my fiance for 4 years. She is close to becoming doctor.

I am genuinely happy. I only ever played with her once in my childhood, and I remember she was very concerned about me when I cut my foot on a fence to get her doll that my grandfather threw away.

Today we don't even know each other, but I know she likes me very much. Why are you so against family?

You might marry some materialistic bitch, that hates your mother and will plan on having her thrown out of your home.

My cousin is at least my blood, and she will take care of my mother no matter what.

[IvNoName]

Family is the source of all our mental problems.

[Pakwatan]

Family is the source of all our mental problems.

Family is the only reason I return to Pakistan.

As much as they are messed up in their own rights, they are yours.

[IvNoName]

Family is the only reason I return to Pakistan.

As much as they are messed up in their own rights, they are yours.

Everyone is alone in this world, even if they live in a family. In fact living in a family or caring about family is a sure way of making one's life hell.

[Pakwatan]

Everyone is alone in this world, even if they live in a family. In fact living in a family or caring about family is a sure way of making one's life hell.

I'm sure you don't want to share personal stories, but can you give me examples?

I hate a lot of my family, but love them at the same time.

[IvNoName]

Take a piece of paper, divide it in two sides, on one side write down what makes you unhappy by your family's doing and on the other side write down what makes you unhappy that is not related to your family.

When one talks about living in reality, this is how one can get a sense of reality.

[Shamlawar Khurasani]

Family is the source of all our mental problems.

The way you think about stuff reveals quite allot about yourself.

[Pakwatan]

Take a piece of paper, divide it in two sides, on one side write down what makes you unhappy by your family's doing and on the other side write down what makes you unhappy that is not related to your family.

When one talks about living in reality, this is how one can get a sense of reality.

You sound very depressed.

What happened to make you think like this?

[IvNoName]

You sound very depressed.

What happened to make you think like this?

I think the answer should be obvious to you, family.

[DSM0305]

He is an unsuccessful person with big depressions. Instead of manning up and accept his fault, he rather blame someone else(in this case his family).

[IvNoName]

The only people who can make is unhappy are people that we care about.

[IvNoName]

When I speak of hurt, I mean disappointment.

Of course an ape can scratch us and we might want to rip it apart at that time but then that is not hurt, that is annoyance and irritation.