Girls: Will you have an issue?

[Abdali]

I would have a problem. I consider it as an insult if someone is outside with me and staring at all the men.

There are different kind of looking. One is a friendly look, one is the I am checking you out look.

[Mayana]

Mayana so your man can stare at every woman break his neck to everyone that passes and you honestly have no problem with that?

you don't find it insulting? Or disrespectful?

when I say staring I mean checking out not just the natural hey,hello.

I think I did not use the proper vocabulary in my previous post.. and hence have been misunderstood. I apologize.

What I meant was.. when my husband sees a girl and compliments her, saying that she is beautiful, elegant, intelligent, talented, pretty.. can cook well etc. I don't have a problem with that. I'll probably join him and say "Oh yeaah I love her eye-color/ how she carries herself." He'd be keeping something from me if he truly thought she's beautiful and didn't say it just so I don't get jealous. I'm confident enough to not let such things make me insecure. Just like I want to be able to compliment a man for whatever he is good in without having to be afraid to be stoned for having committed Zeena lol We have to be real with one another.
On a different note, our men have this tendency to tease their wives saying that "Planki kho daghasi sha ashpazi kayih, daghasi deengara da, daghasi sha da mera khedmat kayih, daghasi shayesta da" - just to make their wives a little jealous.. =)

But was I did not mean was that my husband can go breaking his neck after a girl that carries herself in a manner that he wouldn't want ME to carry myself. I hope I'm being clear here. If he goes telling HER all these things about how she's SO hot and so on - excuse me, that's emotional cheating right there. I won't tolerate any form of cheating and I think - well I HOPE - none of us ladies here will.

[IamDZJ]

if he has intentions of cheating on you or leaving you he will do it..if not today then 20 years from now and when you look at things it would be alot better if he did it sooner than later. having said that, you can't forbid your guy from looking at other women just because he is married to you... i m not so deluded with myself to the point where i expect him to look at me and no other woman because i am the most attractive woman on earth since he married me. asides from being my husband, he is also a human being and human beings are not perfect.
a successful relationship between a husband and wife does not solely depend on love. trust and respect play an even higher role..

[IamDZJ]

please make your poles public. we would learn alot about each other if we could compare opinions.

[Dukhtar-e-Kabul]

if he has intentions of cheating on you or leaving you he will do it..if not today then 20 years from now and when you look at things it would be alot better if he did it sooner than later. having said that, you can't forbid your guy from looking at other women just because he is married to you... i m not so deluded with myself to the point where i expect him to look at me and no other woman because i am the most attractive woman on earth since he married me. asides from being my husband, he is also a human being and human beings are not perfect.
a successful relationship between a husband and wife does not solely depend on love. trust and respect play an even higher role..

Qandolak I love how you said everything that I had in mind I have been married and I like to think and tell myself that I am really happy that my husband does not look at other women but Id be lieng to be honest. Men do stare and I guess all we can say is that its natural. But like she said men are not perfect.

I also wanted to add that we women are also very jealous sometimes a man might just be looking at something else and we are here crying ourselves to death that our men is staring at others. this is coming from a married women do not blindly trust him have him build his trust.

[toor-pekai]

to the person who voted what's the big deal, please come forward

I did

If he stares at her up and down and checks her out..then shame on him for marrying me.

But, if he just compliments her then, i will not mind that at all.
We are all humans and just because we are married that does not mean
that the beauty of a stranger or whoever shouldn't be complimented.

[Feroza_Banu]

LOL @ everyone comparing looking with staring... there is a huge difference...

[Feroza_Banu]

^thank you

men actually have a habit of testing their limits with their wife/fiance....its their way of finding out how far they can go before they cross the line... and sometimes if a wife does not set a limit on time and the man crosses that limit he will come back and blame the woman for not saying something before and suddenly making a huge deal out of something...

the sooner women know this fact the better off they are... don't let this "whats the big deal thing" go too far

[toor-pekai]

@ Kandahary

You know, it really depends on the man.
If the man is MY HUSBAND then i trust him and his intentions and i would rather have him do something like that in front of me( which builds upon trust ) than out by himself or with his buddies.
Agar le betraybyatobe na gore yaw injalay ta then why would i bother marrying such a man in the first place.

OHHH in btw: We are speaking of AFGHAN men here.

[toor-pekai]

^thank you

men actually have a habit of testing their limits with their wife/fiance....its their way of finding out how far they can go before they cross the line... and sometimes if a wife does not set a limit on time and the man crosses that limit he will come back and blame the woman for not saying something before and suddenly making a huge deal out of something...

the sooner women know this fact the better off they are... don't let this "whats the big deal thing" go too far

and you notice he is staring at another girl and/or complements her for her beauty or appearance?

so if your partner compliments a girl for her appearance/beauty will you pull his eyes out?

[Mayana]

^thank you

men actually have a habit of testing their limits with their wife/fiance....its their way of finding out how far they can go before they cross the line... and sometimes if a wife does not set a limit on time and the man crosses that limit he will come back and blame the woman for not saying something before and suddenly making a huge deal out of something...

the sooner women know this fact the better off they are... don't let this "whats the big deal thing" go too far

Ohhh I totally agree and I see what you're saying. We teach people how to treat us. =)
If I ever get married.. that fella is gonna be put into his place =P
It's not about wanting to control him and his looks.. I doubt.. well I pray that I don't marry such a guy that lacks that much self-control. It's about letting him know what's up in a sense of showing him his limits and making your wishes or even conditions known. Personally, I am BIG on self-control and emotional stability.. if a man lacks that, he's out the window for me. As many have pointed out, it is human to be flawed and "look" at people.. but staring.. I don't know.. that's something done more deliberately. If he is full on flirting with some girl.. there is something wrong - on MANY levels.
1. Why did you as such a man get married if you can't control your affects and drives; what was the need to have someone else settle for you if you can't settle for them?
2. Why get married to that particular person if you don't see anything in her that's worth enough respect that it'd make you refrain from such disrespecting actions?
3. Why flirt - are you not man enough to provide anything more than sweet talks?
4. As a married man, why stoop to such a level that you reduce yourself to something you'd leave your wife for doing?
5. Why disrespect a woman in such a way that she was not enough to become your wife so you're just having her as the 'girl on the side', just for fun?
6. If this is who you are as a spouse, this is who you will be as a father and this is what your children will be. If this is how a father acts, what will he teach his sons about loyalty? What will he teach his sons about morals, values, principles? What will he teach his daughters about obedience? What will he teach his daughters about justice? What kind of role model will he be?
7. If you as a man can't wrap your brain around these concepts of common courtesy and common sense.. these principles of loyalty and morality .. then you're obviously not ready for marriage - not even close.

[Noor~]

i cant say that i will have an Issue just becuz he sees someone more beautiful than me ,n its natural to feel little bit envious but not to that extreme n make a big deal out of it.....beside i trust him more than myself n thank God ,he doesnt have the staring problem ,,well he does stare at me alot ,but thats okay i guess ,lool

But yea ,cant say the same abt all the guys ,i have seen many married men staring at girls n other's wives ,tobah ....i really want to slap them hard or tell their wives to control ur husband ,lol

[Nora]

it is big deal i know whoever voted that he is a guy coz its been voted more than others

if a person is not married or have no partner then it wont matter but once u r in relationship its disgusting and haram too
and that person will be flirt not a pertner complement of others beauty to ur partner is haram too
so its common sense i will have issues and it is a big deal

[Feroza_Banu]

so if your partner compliments a girl for her appearance/beauty will you pull his eyes out?

i might if he comments something like "oh she got such sexy legs,,, hmmm wow!, look at her lips they are so lucious"there are men who actually do that. it will be a surprise that u won't be offended for such a comment. anyways, i intended to make th topic ambiguous because i wanted to know what girls here will say. and what is everyone's level of tolerance. if i were clear cut from beginning about what kind of comments i am refering to there would hav been no chance for debate.

[Feroza_Banu]

Ohhh I totally agree and I see what you're saying. We teach people how to treat us. =)
If I ever get married.. that fella is gonna be put into his place =P
It's not about wanting to control him and his looks.. I doubt.. well I pray that I don't marry such a guy that lacks that much self-control. It's about letting him know what's up in a sense of showing him his limits and making your wishes or even conditions known. Personally, I am BIG on self-control and emotional stability.. if a man lacks that, he's out the window for me. As many have pointed out, it is human to be flawed and "look" at people.. but staring.. I don't know.. that's something done more deliberately. If he is full on flirting with some girl.. there is something wrong - on MANY levels.
1. Why did you as such a man get married if you can't control your affects and drives; what was the need to have someone else settle for you if you can't settle for them?
2. Why get married to that particular person if you don't see anything in her that's worth enough respect that it'd make you refrain from such disrespecting actions?
3. Why flirt - are you not man enough to provide anything more than sweet talks?
4. As a married man, why stoop to such a level that you reduce yourself to something you'd leave your wife for doing?
5. Why disrespect a woman in such a way that she was not enough to become your wife so you're just having her as the 'girl on the side', just for fun?
6. If this is who you are as a spouse, this is who you will be as a father and this is what your children will be. If this is how a father acts, what will he teach his sons about loyalty? What will he teach his sons about morals, values, principles? What will he teach his daughters about obedience? What will he teach his daughters about justice? What kind of role model will he be?
7. If you as a man can't wrap your brain around these concepts of common courtesy and common sense.. these principles of loyalty and morality .. then you're obviously not ready for marriage - not even close.

my girl mayana here knows whats up...i completely agree with you and i know any sensible person should think about these before doing such a thing. but havent u noticed others husbands having staring problems. I have noticed alot of men, married with children some even at older age having staring problems. they do it right infront of their wife and children... it is really sad to see this.