How to involve her parents?

[Karachi]

Ok so about 1 months ago I met a girl at an Islamic event and we started to like each other ever since, we have been chatting and even meeting each other over the last month. we both like each other and want to marry each other. Now the dileema is how to tell her parents about it? she is afraid that they may not like it that we were chatting and meeting. Her dad is pretty strict from what I hear

Also the other problem is the cultural difference, I am a Karachite and she is from Attock ( mixed Hindko/pathan family), though she was born and raised in Canada most of her life. The problem is her parents might be against her marrying a person from a different cultural background.

I hope every thing works out

[Joey_Gladstonezai]

How do you meet someone at an Islamic event? I mean isn't there some sort of segregation of the sexes? Besides that, I thought better of you, Karachi. I hope you realize that the type of contact you are having with the lady is haram. A better thing would probably have been for her to give you her father's contact information before anything. You would have killed two birds with one stone without engaging in what displeases Allah swt. Besides that, without the wali's permission, the marriage would be invalid so think my friend. If her parents don't approve, you should cut off all contact with her. But they may approve, and you should do a halal nikkah and observe the rules and regulations of contact up untill then. That means no meetings without her mahram present and no chit chatting on the phone.

[Karachi]

It was more like a Islamic marriage event, where different people come for marriage purposes, she came with her friends and we were eventually introduced. Initially she wanted us to talk for few weeks so we could understand each other better, she didn't tell her parents about me. Anyways I do feel guilty about meeting her afterwards, but we have only met twice, most of the time we are talking on the phone or chatting. The question is, what to do know?

[Joey_Gladstonezai]

It was more like a Islamic marriage event, where different people come for marriage purposes, she came with her friends and we were eventually introduced. Initially she wanted us to talk for few weeks so we could understand each other better, she didn't tell her parents about me. Anyways I do feel guilty about meeting her afterwards, but we have only met twice, most of the time we are talking on the phone or chatting. The question is, what to do know?

Have your mother and/or sister visit her family and propose the marriage. If later on people ask, tell them that you saw her at an Islamic event and saw her as compatible. That part of it was not haram. So just tell them the truth and that way they won't have doubts. If there is no way that the parents agree after repeated trying, you must cut off contact with her. But I have a feeling that that would probably not happen since I am assuming they would realize their daughter wants the marriage herself.

[Kushan Prince]

Wait, aren't you pashtun? Why the hell do people remain quiet about their ethnicity?

[Shehbaz Khan]

Simple, Tell your parent to contact her.

[torkham]

During my stay in UK, there was this pk guy who like an attack girl (hindko ppl). This guy was infatuated and approached the molla from the mosque to approach the girl's father. When the father realised what was happening, his daughter was shipped to attock, got her married immediately.

So be careful. You MAY be dealing with a man with izat and ghairat who would find it wrong that his daughter caught your attention to reach this stage at an sanctified event.

You may be bona fide but our customs may not see your acquaintance of this girl as such.

Parent parent only.

You are on very dodgy grounds here. Be careful of your actions as the are consequent on her future.

Always best to have mothers, sisters involved in such affairs.

[Wahe Guru]

@Karachi is this another of your fantasies or is there really some truth behind it?

You should not be chasing girls from backgrounds that are different to your own, except and unless, you involve parents/families from the beginning.

Hindko and "pathans" are Punjabi people and their families prefer their children to marry within their own group. If you keep chatting to this girl without her family knowledge, you could end up causing grief to that family.
I have seen you admit on another forum that you went after a Sikh girl as well. That again is very wrong. How would you like a Sikh guy chasing your sister?

So if you are not fantasizing, then at least involve your parents and her parents from the beginning. If her parents do not agree, then leave her alone.

Also I wonder why you avoid Mohajir girls? There are many nice Mohajir girls.

[Adam]

Aren't you supposed go bring a relative to these events? Had she or you brought a sibling or even a parent this would have went a lot smoother

[Khostai]

Awww so sad, why don't you aks your own parents to get in touch with her parents...
And than let them do the talking and pretend like you have never seen her before, might work out, but one thing, do never try something on your own, that never works, or asking a a mullah, the best is to send your own parents I think. Especialy if you say that her father is super strict.

[Talal]

1 month and you wanna get married already ? First rule of law is to stay away from these so called "islamic marriage" seminars..second you need to give it more time man atleast a year before you even consider it

[DaZahroJaam.]

why do her parents have to know that you two have been in contact or meeting?? if they find out, she would be in trouble and they might even ship her back as torkham said. send your parents and make sure nothing about her being involved with you in mentioned. they will discuss the matter amongst each other regardless of what they tell you. prepare for being rejected a few times and have her find out why they are opposing. and

[Admin Khan]

Take it easy Karachi, and read what DZJ and torkham wrote 11 times. Not 10 times, but make sure you read it exactly 11 times.

[Joey_Gladstonezai]

why do her parents have to know that you two have been in contact or meeting?? if they find out, she would be in trouble and they might even ship her back as torkham said. send your parents and make sure nothing about her being involved with you in mentioned. they will discuss the matter amongst each other regardless of what they tell you. prepare for being rejected a few times and have her find out why they are opposing. and

I agree with you and that's what I meant to say too. He doesn't have to reveal the part about meeting or being in contact with her but in my opinion he should say that he saw her at an event at least. Or maybe I'm wrong. I was thinking that's it's better to be honest about that than have people start doubting the girl and wondering who he is and where he saw her. Lol.

[DaZahroJaam.]

nobody will interrogate him about where he saw their daughter. it's assumed that someone knew someone's family and that is how they got to know of her. it's not just karachi's case. afghan guys make this mistake alot, too. the minute you mention her involvement with you, you can kiss your reputation in her parent's eyes good bye. and on top of that, how dare you mislead their innocent and naive daughter??