To marry in Afghanistan?

[Toramana]

A friend wants to marry in Afghanistan. But at the same time is a little kind of worried that his proposal will be rejected...and he will be kicked out---

What are the necessary conditions ...? And what do they generally look for in the family, in the guy, etc. etc.?

Sorry in advance if this is not an adequate question.

[Laila]

Why is he worried about his proposal being rejected?

[IamDZJ]

he might be rejected but he wont be thrown out of the house. afghans don't do that to their guests.
besides, if you go to someone's house to ask for their daughter's hand in marriage and do that with respect then it would show that you think alot of them and have respect for their family. to reject is understandable but to throw out people is just ridiculous. i don't know how it works in other places but in afghanistan no matter how good you are, you are bound to be rejected at least 5 times even if they are interested in your proposal.

[Manzareh]

i don't know how it works in other places but in afghanistan no matter how good you are, you are bound to be rejected at least 5 times even if they are interested in your proposal.

[emkhan]

Only a mad would go marry in Afghanistan Lol.

[Haris]

It's funny I was talking with my mum about this topic today.

A friend wants to marry in Afghanistan. But at the same time is a little kind of worried that his proposal will be rejected...and he will be kicked out---

What are the necessary conditions ...? And what do they generally look for in the family, in the guy, etc. etc.?

Sorry in advance if this is not an adequate question.

Main prerequisites that I am aware of for a normal Pashtun family is that the guy should be:

• educated & able to support a future family
• decent personality and able to hold a conversation together showing melmastia and general Pakhtunwali traits
• be a good muslim (they won't actually ask, 'do you pray 5 times a day?'...that would be absurd and very disrespectful lol so I guess he could lie)
• a good family history....some guy we knew was rejected because his grandfather or uncle had stolen money or something
• a good personal history, they will ask neighbours, family, friends, other aqauintances

It will of course largely depend on the family though. Kabulis & city folk are still very strict about these things but nowhere near as strict as the kaliwal.

[Toramana]

he might be rejected but he wont be thrown out of the house. afghans don't do that to their guests.
besides, if you go to someone's house to ask for their daughter's hand in marriage and do that with respect then it would show that you think alot of them and have respect for their family. to reject is understandable but to throw out people is just ridiculous. i don't know how it works in other places but in afghanistan no matter how good you are, you are bound to be rejected at least 5 times even if they are interested in your proposal.

Thanks for the input...Although, I know of few cases where inter-marriages have happened but there may be some reservations about KP walla......The kicking out was kind of self-sarcasm...

[Toramana]

Why is he worried about his proposal being rejected?

Being from KP is the main apprehension...

[Laila]

he might be rejected but he wont be thrown out of the house. afghans don't do that to their guests.
besides, if you go to someone's house to ask for their daughter's hand in marriage and do that with respect then it would show that you think alot of them and have respect for their family. to reject is understandable but to throw out people is just ridiculous. i don't know how it works in other places but in afghanistan no matter how good you are, you are bound to be rejected at least 5 times even if they are interested in your proposal.

Very true!

[Soldat_Amir]

Toramana

You dont need to go Afghanistan to marry as Pakhtunkhwa is Afghan land too.

[badmash_khel]

There is nothing to worry about really since both sides are pashtuns. If the guy and his family are honourable people, I am sure it won't matter if he is from KP. The truth is most pashtuns marry within their own tribe so even if he is rejected, he must try again. Some times the girl's family reject you because they want to see how much you really want the girl. As most have said, don't give up after first rejection. Its a standard procedure. Just be respectful and don't do anything behind her family's back, things might turn sour. Just be straight and honest and hope for the best. I am sure if he deserves her, he will get her.

[Afghanistan2010]

Only a mad would go marry in Afghanistan Lol.

Its a good idea to marry in Afghanistan but you should know the people good and the girl should not be forced to marry someone just her parents are money-mad.

[Soldat_Amir]

Its a good idea to marry in Afghanistan but you should know the people good and the girl should not be forced to marry someone just her parents are money-mad.

Unlike your Taliban heros who forced parents in Swat to give their daughters to Arabs and Uzbeks.

This culture of using the women for status and currency needs to come to an end, so does this three wives to one man as well.

Pashtun society needs to allow the women to decide her own choice.

[Soldat_Amir]

There is nothing to worry about really since both sides are pashtuns. If the guy and his family are honourable people, I am sure it won't matter if he is from KP. The truth is most pashtuns marry within their own tribe so even if he is rejected, he must try again. Some times the girl's family reject you because they want to see how much you really want the girl. As most have said, don't give up after first rejection. Its a standard procedure. Just be respectful and don't do anything behind her family's back, things might turn sour. Just be straight and honest and hope for the best. I am sure if he deserves her, he will get her.

I hope this traditional love stays alive in our society.

[Badlun]

Such marriages are must otherwise this hatred will further increase and Pashtuns in Pakistan and Afghansitan wont feel to belong to one extended family and will consider themselves as strangers.

Keeping in view the reality of no possibility of any political unity, the only path remains is non political. I am extremely worried about the increasing distance between the Pashtuns of Afghanistan and Pakistan. If some serious efforts are not taken Pashtuns on both sides of the border, Pashtuns will deem themselves as different races or ethnicities. Yes races or ethnicities because already they belong to two different nations, Pakistani and Afghanistani or afghan.

Pashtuns on both sides of the Durand line belong to one family, one blood, one language and one culture, one past but now being part of two different countries, distance is increasing between them. Pashtuns in Pakistan are coming under influence of Punjabis and Urdu speakers and Pashtuns in Afghanistan are coming under influence of Tajiks and Persian speakers.

We have to work and suggest that how Pashtuns on both sides can be culturally and linguistically united? Their cultural and linguistic unity is the only possibility as their political unity is now an unattainable dream. We have to devise pragmatic strategies that how distance between Pashtuns on both sides of the Durand line can be reduced and they may come together at least culturally psychologically and linguistically if not politically. Pashtuns must be realistic in their approach. Some Pashtuns on both sides want merger of Pashtuns areas which is impossible as how Afghanistan will leave its non -Pashtun areas to be merged with Pashtun areas for a greater Pashtunistan. This is impossible, and how Pakistan will let its Pashtun areas to be separated, that would be too impossible for Pakistan.

As the distance between the Pashtuns living in Afghanistan and Pakistan is increasing we must learn from nations who speak the same language and have the same culture but are politically different and belong to different nations or countries and are citizens of different states. For example all Arab, Spanish, German, French ,English speaking people are not the citizens of the same countries but psychologically ,linguistically , culturally , economically they have enormous ties and try to develop linkages which further strengthen their bonds

We Pashtuns on both sides of the border if cant become one nation politically at least can feel one ethnic group and sons of the same father living in different houses . We must encourage connections with each other by marriages, conferences and friendships. We must feel near to an Afghan Pashtun than to a Pakistani Panjabi and vice versa

The concern is also about the increasing distance of Pashto language spoken in Pakistan and Afghanistan. There is a marked difference in vocabulary of the Pashto spoken in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Afghanistani Pashto is influenced by Persian while Pakistani Pashto by Urdu or English. Here the solution is using pure Pashto words neither of Persian nor Urdu nor English. This will bridge the linguistic difference

However, the difference of accent is geographical not political. It does not depend on Pakistan or Afghanistan. It’s not East West. Its North –South. There arer two main dialects in Pashto language. Hard dialect spoken in areas like Peshawar, Mardan, Swat, Malakand, Dir, Kohat, Paracinar, Jalalabad, Bajawar, Mohmand, Khyber,etc mainly in northern part of Pashto speaking areas. Soft dialect is spoken in Southern areas like Banu, Karak, Waziristan, Baluchistan, Qandahar, Paktya etc

I have rarely seen an Afghan Pashtun who intensely hate a Pakistani Pashtun or a Pakistani Pashtun who abhor an Afghan Pashtun but the gap between Pashtuns living in these two countries is really increasing day by day and which can be seen in various internet based forums and other social events of mixed communities specially in foreign countries. Even in Pakistan a Pashtun from Afghanistan is some times called Kabaley or kabuli with a tone of humiliation and Afghan Pashtuns consider the Pakistani Pashtuns to be lesser Pashtuns.

Pashtuns are responsible as well as only solvers for all their problems including the increasing gap between the Pashtuns on both sides of the border. I wish the bridge of the distance between Pashtuns on two sides of the Durand line should be minimized not further intensified. We should become realist and instead of talking or struggling for imaginative ideals like Loy Afghanistan or Pashtunistan may struggle for the cultural, linguistic, psychological and economic unity of Pashtuns living any where in the world including Afghanistan or Pakistan.
This should be however clear that Afghanistan remains the motherland of Pashtuns and Pashtuns and Pashto have the only real status there in Afghanistan. The only hope for the development of Pashto as a language is Afghanistan. In Pakistan Pashtuns should struggle for greater provincial autonomy and should create a bigger Pashtun province including Khyber Pashtunkhwah, FATA, and the Pashtun parts of Baluchistan. Pakistani Pashtuns should struggle for Pashtun rights within Pakistan and making Pashto the official language of the Pashtun areas.