husband and wife working

[muska]

i was watching this Afghan channel ..there was a conversation about both parents working or not...this one lady said that if both are working then the base of family will disappear. What do you think when it comes to us pashtuns? I know there is time when both needs to work when they can't meet their needs. But there are some girls who will give their kids to day care and they will work even though they dont need to. As i have seen so far in the west, that when both parents work ..their kids dont listen to them that much and they didnt turn out to be good kids. I think one partner which is female shouldn't work when the kids are small but once they grow up then they can work or study.

[Admin Khan]

In a traditional Pashtun family, only the male works. And I might slightly agree that if both husband and wife are working from 10am to 9PM, the children might begin suffering. I know of many such cases where the child began taking drugs, smoking, all because there was no guardian present.

[kakargirl]

In my family men work women are educated but stay at home for the kids, coming from a strict family i agree , one parent is needed at home but even those who dont have kids still their husband work not their wifes.My thoughts if both parents are working kids are being raisedd by strangers as you dont have extented familys in the west ect , kids grow up and come to a empty house, iv seen my nieces and nephews right in front me how they constantly need their mother when they come from school , as their fathers are busy at work ,but our family men find it offensive too if the woman is working they think, if they couldn't provide and meet all their wifes needs what the point of marriage but thats our mens way of thinking, and once our men are home they spend time with their kids taking them out helping them with homework, putting them to bed .

[Feroza_Banu]

I don't have kids so i am not going to bring my example

but my sister works and her husband as well... their children are mashaAllah brought up so well (so far) without any help from us or my mom. we never baby sat for them, they managed to work out their schedules themselves. my sister works so hard with the kids, that it is amazing. she manages to find time to take them to masjid, for swimming, for other activities... to the extent that when she puts them to bed she keeps reading Surahs to them and now they have memorized about 10 short surahs.

my nephew (6years old) and niece (7 years old) are both in distinguised class in school....so they are doing very well academically also.

my sister decided to keep her job when she had her children but she didn't forget her obligation to her kids...

it is imperative to point out that men and women are equally responsible for their kids... its only a mother's job to take part in every aspect of a child's life, its a father's job as well. but in our societies for our men, having a full time job is like conquering the world so once they step foot inside the house in the evening, they forget they have any other responsibility.

if a woman decides to keep her career, then its her husband's duty (if not duty, then out of love) to help her wife acheive that. its her desire to keep her job, then as a loving husband he should pitch in. and when they see that it is impossible to keep their careers and raise children, then one of them should give up their career...

[IamDZJ]

depending on how many children of a certain age one has or which part of the world the live in, it's understanding for a woman to consider staying home to raise her children. i do not approve of a woman of any cultural background to depend on maids or baby sitters to raise her children or look after her family.
looking after one's child on their own is a big responsibility of being a mother and if you are not prepared for it then don't have a child.
having said that, if a mother has her children looked after and is not too busy being a (sorry to put it this way but i am lost for words) baby making machine then she should certainly not be discouraged from pursuing a career of her own choice.
my husband expecting me to be a mother to his children and that only for the rest of my life is equivalent to him chopping off both of my legs and i would expect better from the man i chose to spend the rest of my life with. i am just not the type of a woman who finds satisfaction in life from having babies, doing the dishes and watching day time television.

[khashayar]

It's about time we let women go out and work and us men stay home look after the kids, get takeouts and watch footy and cricket.

Women gonna get to understand that going to work is sooo boring they gonna beg us to switch places

[Azad Khel]

In my opinoin, the house looks like a graveyard without a woman. We can not call it a home. If her job is of short duration e.g. teaching, medical for 4-5 hours dialy then it can be considered ok if she manage her islamic and pukhton values.

[Laila]

My mom has always worked, and we havent turned out bad. If anything, it has taught us to be more independent.

Its a mothers duty to look after her children while they are young. But i do think after a certain age, when they are in grade school, that the mother (if she wanted) can go back to school or work. That is if its right for the family. Not every family has the same opinions on this issue.

Personally, i would have kids when i already have my studies done, that way i can a few years, in raising my children.

Usually, in the west, both parents work, since it is hard for one income to be coming in sufficiently.....especially if you are in the US and are suffering through bad economic time.

But if you lived back home, the father brings the money home.

Man, i would hate to be a stay-at-home mom. Just not my cup of tea, i like to go out, work, and have a little time for myself.

[muska]

I don't have kids so i am not going to bring my example

but my sister works and her husband as well... their children are mashaAllah brought up so well (so far) without any help from us or my mom. we never baby sat for them, they managed to work out their schedules themselves. my sister works so hard with the kids, that it is amazing. she manages to find time to take them to masjid, for swimming, for other activities... to the extent that when she puts them to bed she keeps reading Surahs to them and now they have memorized about 10 short surahs.

my nephew (6years old) and niece (7 years old) are both in distinguised class in school....so they are doing very well academically also.

my sister decided to keep her job when she had her children but she didn't forget her obligation to her kids...

it is imperative to point out that men and women are equally responsible for their kids... its only a mother's job to take part in every aspect of a child's life, its a father's job as well. but in our societies for our men, having a full time job is like conquering the world so once they step foot inside the house in the evening, they forget they have any other responsibility.

if a woman decides to keep her career, then its her husband's duty (if not duty, then out of love) to help her wife acheive that. its her desire to keep her job, then as a loving husband he should pitch in. and when they see that it is impossible to keep their careers and raise children, then one of them should give up their career...

does she work full time or part time?

[muska]

It's about time we let women go out and work and us men stay home look after the kids, get takeouts and watch footy and cricket.

Women gonna get to understand that going to work is sooo boring they gonna beg us to switch places

no thank you...i hate working..i worked for sometime and i hated it..but i might need to work and study in the next few months inshallah ..if my husband can afford for me then there is no need for me to work because if i work then i will have other responsibilites like taking care of the house kids shopping taking the kid the doctors appointment unlike men who only work and dont any of the other stuff.

In my opinoin, the house looks like a graveyard without a woman. We can not call it a home. If her job is of short duration e.g. teaching, medical for 4-5 hours dialy then it can be considered ok if she manage her islamic and pukhton values.

So True. Even though i'm around 22 and married, when i go to my mom's house if she is not there then everyone is lost in the house and each one doing his own business but when mom is around then everyone comes around and sit together.

My mom has always worked, and we havent turned out bad. If anything, it has taught us to be more independent.

Its a mothers duty to look after her children while they are young. But i do think after a certain age, when they are in grade school, that the mother (if she wanted) can go back to school or work. That is if its right for the family. Not every family has the same opinions on this issue.

Personally, i would have kids when i already have my studies done, that way i can a few years, in raising my children.

Usually, in the west, both parents work, since it is hard for one income to be coming in sufficiently.....especially if you are in the US and are suffering through bad economic time.

But if you lived back home, the father brings the money home.

Man, i would hate to be a stay-at-home mom. Just not my cup of tea, i like to go out, work, and have a little time for myself.

I agree with you...i dont mind being home stay mom when my kids are small because i want to be there for them 24/7 and i can never imagine someone else taking care of my kids because they are my kids and you never know how others treat them.

[Feroza_Banu]

does she work full time or part time?

she works full time but 3 days a week. she has also worked part time, or managed her schedule in a way to work less when there has been a need of staying with her children..

In california its the law for employeers to work around someone's schedule if he or she has to work on different hours than other regular workers. she just has to present a legitimate excuse... and children is a legitimate excuse.

[KhyberKhan]

in a nutshell it depends on each couples personal situation.

If a wife doesn't want to work, she doesn't have to as it's her right islamically to refuse as men are guardian and protectors of women. How amazing is that? another nail in the coffin to those who claim islam is oppressing women...oh and in-house feminists, chew on that too!

Which western society could ever mandate such an ethos? None. Instead, non-muslim women have to degrade themselves to get a job by wearing the sort of clothes they do at interviews. I will not elaborate any further.

If husband and wife want to work, it's cool.

[muska]

she works full time but 3 days a week. she has also worked part time, or managed her schedule in a way to work less when there has been a need of staying with her children..

In california its the law for employeers to work around someone's schedule if he or she has to work on different hours than other regular workers. she just has to present a legitimate excuse... and children is a legitimate excuse.

i see..i mean she still has more time for her kids which is good. if she was working 5 days a week then it will have been harder.

[Master Khan]

I think husband should work and wife should take care of the house, kids etc.
but I am not really against wife working but its no point, you need someone at the house to take care of it.

[Laila]

I agree with you...i dont mind being home stay mom when my kids are small because i want to be there for them 24/7 and i can never imagine someone else taking care of my kids because they are my kids and you never know how others treat them.

Same here, i think a parent should be home till the child(ren) are up to the age where school starts (Kindergarten or equal to that). That way slowly as the child is developing at a young age, a parent figure is around to teach them what needs to be taught step by step.