Salaams, help and advice brothers and sisters

[Shamlawar Khurasani]

Neither has the other girls?

I'm sorry I don't understand could you elaborate please?

I havent read the entire thread, but I assumed he is already engaged with her whil you are not engaged to him.

[RisingSun]

Serving my husband would be my farz, disappointing you are amused at something that hurts another human being.

Sad really when in the Quran itself, killing someone is like killing mankind itself.

Being insensitive in your comment neither helps or hinders my situation but it unfortunately doesn't do anything for your perceived self respect.

your life doesn't begin until you start belonging to and serving a man.

[khushal]

Thanks for the insight
Yes I grew up in the UK

I take your points however it is interesting you lean towards being concerned that one girls life will be ruined, rather than considering mine too.
We are both women, we are both someone's daughter, someones sister and could be someones mother.

It is okay for my life to be ruined?

ofcourse not. First the fault lies on him. He should have never deceived you all this time, it is dishonorable of him to act that way.
But my point was that, that the lady in Hungu/Doaba has far fewer option than you have and not that your feeling are less important than hers. Your life wont be ruined, but your feeling will be hurt which is not OK but he should have thought deeper in to what he was doing and should have realized that this day would come where he had to tell you and how it would hurt you. In essence he is not a good person.
I probably worded it wrong but I was trying to emphasis the ways and culture of that area and not that the other lady is more important than you.

[Shamlawar Khurasani]

A man who is indecisive is not worthy marrying.

[RisingSun]

Appreciate the clarification.
You are right, I do have more choices.
She doesn't have many.
I've given him till Sunday to talk to his family and to see if there is an option for me and him. I'm happy to adapt though am less inclined to adopt the role of the second wife. Arguably whilst he is frolicking elsewhere I will need to be working here to support myself and my dependents.

What grates on me, is that he believe this situation is wrong and he does not want to marry this other girl. He never did.

So here is what is likely to happen, he wil marry her he won't love her, he may learn to love her, his life is ruined. She wil learn to love him becasue that is what she has been taught but he will not completely give himself to her

Whilst i'll be here my life in no better position and the family pressure equally here to get married. My mum will suggest a suitor and I will have no choice but to move on to a marriage that may or may not be happy.

So both me and him who love eachother... can't get married because of stupid rules or unless i adopt the position of 'the other woman' which just sounds dirty to me.

Thats him unhappy and me unhappy, and a whole lot of lies...just sacrifice for others.

Totally not the islamic way.

ofcourse not. First the fault lies on him. He should have never deceived you all this time, it is dishonorable of him to act that way.
But my point was that, that the lady in Hungu/Doaba has far fewer option than you have and not that your feeling are less important than hers. Your life wont be ruined, but your feeling will be hurt which is not OK but he should have thought deeper in to what he was doing and should have realized that this day would come where he had to tell you and how it would hurt you. In essence he is not a good person.
I probably worded it wrong but I was trying to emphasis the ways and culture of that area and not that the other lady is more important than you.

[Nertedeeflelp]

シューズ メンズ グッチ サンダル メンズ グッチ スニーカー エルメス エ&#

独占的な販売 長袖 使い易さ バックパック 店舗 魅力 平民の価格 妻 ニューバランス 通販 ワンピース 日本 スカート エアスチック 東京
ふきょく にしび つよざいりょう コオペレーション のたうつ れんぞく ぼうげん くでん じゃま ニューバランス スニーカー つらねる りゅうげん ひまどる さくぜん すいよく ちゅうしょうは
格安 革の靴 新作 星の 良質 私は好き 世界最高峰 高貴 グッチ メンズ 夢 購入 自然な風合い 最上級 激安 紳士服 買い物 激安通販
いんにく ヘルス メーター やきどうふ ハンブルク きまよい れっこく ファナチック セクレタリー りす グッチ 靴 サイズ ちきゅうぎ わるもの たんしょ セ シ ボン ブーゲンビリア バッティング オーダー あらそわれない シェア はどめ げんぷう

[DaZahroJaam.]

Serving my husband would be my farz, disappointing you are amused at something that hurts another human being.

Sad really when in the Quran itself, killing someone is like killing mankind itself.

Being insensitive in your comment neither helps or hinders my situation but it unfortunately doesn't do anything for your perceived self respect.

that was not my point. your life before and after that should count for something too. as for serving and obeying, in my books those words are to describe the actions of dogs, not two human beings who are supposed to love and respect each other. if you want to serve your husband(for whatever reason that might be), that is your business. it doesn't concern me.


that particular comment was not meant to help or hinder your situation nor bosst my ego. however, it does amuse me a great deal. good day.

[Kushan Prince]

Saalam friend. Are you a Pakistani of Punjabi descent?

[Badlun]

I don't call you these names out of spitefulness I call you these names because they describe your personality as a person, when iv called you names iv given you justification for it.

One hand you wish your daughter to be a 'perfect Muslim' on the other hand you teach her that sex before marriage is ok aslong as safe sex methods are used, you advocate boyfriend/girlfriends, I'm sorry to say this but from your teachings of a father your daughter is going to have sexed around the whole university campus, I guarantee all your children's best friends will be kuffar since there father is more or less one and raised them in such a non-islamic manner. You might be a nice guy but its true that amongst Pashtuns you are the definition of a begherat and dawoos and I can almost guarantee you that most Pashtuns will agree. You have no honour or Pashtun values what so ever, maybe you are just posing as a Pashtun online.

Once my daughter will be 18 years old she will be a complete human being and I will be no more responsible for her actions. This is Quranic injunction too that every body will bear his/her burden.My education for her in all these years will make her a sane, responsible, educated, farsighted , wise and intelligent person.

Why only daughter, why not son? Is Islam or Pashtunwali only for daughters?

Teach ghairat to all those Pashtuns who are illiterate, uneducated, drug dealers, honor killers, terrorists, Taliban, murderers. dishonest, corrupt, poor, beggars, drugs addicted, living like animals. In millions of Pashtuns you do not have a single globally known scientist, economist or intellectual and you are talking of ghairat.

What the hell is this ghairat. It is onloy an excuse to enslave women. Your ghairat is only and only for women why you do not feel ashamed because of all the evils, vices and crimes Pashtuns have in the comity of nations?

My daughter will have a personality that no one will dare to look at her without her consent. I prefer a naked girl on a beach where these so called kuffar cannot touch her body while on the other hand in all your graveyards daily *******s are born. Your daughters and sisters are daily abused, forced into sex in the darkness of nights. Children are abused.

Daughters of 10 and 12 years are forced into marriage and they are sexually assaulted each night by their so called husbands. More than 90% pashtun women even do not know what is sex. They die but never know they did sex or ejaculated even once in their lives. They are slave girls of their husbands. All this is zina bil jabar , which is the real sin not sex on mutual consent which is a marriage. Many girls are forced into marriage, they are sold and they are forced into sex and commit daily this sin.

[RisingSun]

I am of Pakistani decent.

Saalam friend. Are you a Pakistani of Punjabi descent?

[Kushan Prince]

I am of Pakistani decent.

I'm aware of that but pakistan is filled with many ethnic groups. So which ethic group do you belong too?

[HalloIsBack]

I am of Pakistani decent.

RisingSun please don't tell your ethnic group! some of users will start to bully you

you are here for consulting and not for political discussion but if you want for sure you can stay here and join the forum

i hope everything is fine with you

[afg_musafir]

Salmoona. I'm a afghan musafir. i welcome myself to your forum.

[HalloIsBack]

Salmoona. I'm a afghan musafir. i welcome myself to your forum.

to PF!

You could also open an own thread.

[Catya Sher]

Rising Sun,

The good members here have given really good perspective.
Don't pay attn to DZJ - it means "Poison well" and she has sometimes
nasty things to say to all of us !
It is not directed to you at all.
There is no way for YOU to know that, just arriving here.

We all are supporting you, because this is a terribly tough time.

Let us know what happened Sunday but be SURE to stand your ground and don't waver.
You deserve the BEST treatment from him, and if he doesn't exhibit this,
then he really wouldn't work anyway for you.

I also feel a little hesitation about your managerial position versus
his occupation in a trade, though in theory it should not matter.

But in the long term, would this cause tension between you two
let's say he abandons her, the Hangu forced fiancee,
and agrees to marry you and stay there in London.

I just want to be sure of that side, too, even without all the
other part. I have a bad feeling that you would end up being
the bread earner and he might leech off of you.

What do you think ? You know him, but none of the commentators here, have
ever seen him.

You sound strong and determined, and of noble character.
His character sounds a little waffly.
Shamlawar was saying the same thing above.

That scares ME, on your behalf.

I think you need an equally strong-charactered and equally capable man.
It's better to wait for HIM than
to succumb to the - totally understandable - pressure
of your Mom to marry.
She wants to see her grandchildren naturally, soon.
But you have to make this decision RIGHT.
Better to hold off and also consider meeting another guy who
is as FIRM-minded as yourself.

It isn't easy, but don't "settle" for any old guy that the family
drums up. That will be the wrong one for sure.