Hi!! I'm Spanish... And I need help

[Lief]

Hi!! I've been going out with my afghan boyfriend for 9 months, he is living in the Netherlands. The problem is that his parents don't accept that he dates a non-afghan girl (some brothers and cousins agree with my boyfriend but not his parents). I don't know if we have any chance to continue with our love or just we have to give up. I respect the family's traditions and I never could accept that he looses his family.

Just I need some advice or if someone is at the same situation. Thank you.

[Lief]

He hasn't explained me at all, only that their parents don't accept a non-afghan girl, I've met te brothers who accept me, but no one more. I'm really bad because I don't see any chance now for us. I was even learning diffenrent issues of the afghan culture and some phrases in pashtun... But seems that isn't enough.

[Manzareh]

Everybodys parents are different, we cant speak on the behalf of every Afghan, maybe his parents are laid back, maybe they are strict who knows

So he's told you himself that his parents wont accept you and not even explained the situation to you at all.. basically he's blatently put accross that you have no future together - so what else is there to speak about??

[Lief]

- so what else is there to speak about??

In fact, I know that's a goodbye, just I wanted to know if anyone has been in that situation and if there's something I can do for don't give up without trying it once more time.

Anyway, thanks.

[Manzareh]

I dont think it is right for somebody to leed people on, If he introduced you to his family then perhapse he didnt leed you on intentionally but had some hope of you meeting his needs. I know a few Afghans that have married other races but i dont know any that have married non-muslims, maybe religion is a bigger factor than race in this scenario (if your a non muslim) and your confusing the situation with you not being Afghan. As a Pashtun i can see my mother eventually coming to terms with me marrying a spanish girl but never to even an Afghan girl that is not Muslim.

[Lief]

I think if it's about the religion.... There's a solution. I'm not against and closed to other opportunities, but the reason I get is that I'm not afghan. That's why is do hard to understand for me, more when u have moved to other country. If the other person respect and is interested in the culture (I think that's basic if u really love the other), shouldn't be any problem.

Just i'm asking for any information, because I read in Internet, coz I wanted to know more about the language, traditions and all, and sometimes is really difficult to find accurate info about.

Just we have overcome the different language, culture, religion and the distance and now I just have to resign...

[Manzareh]

I dont no about your boyfriend but i can tell you if they have even basic Afghan culture then they will find it extremley hard to marry a non-muslim. Islamically he is allowed to marry you but culturley he would be deemed as someone that has done the unthinkable.

Its not always only about respecting each others culture, you have to take into consideration the cultural differences, in Spanish culture the man and woman get married and leave the parents alone, more than likely if his parents are traditional they would expect the son to stay with them especially if they are elderly. also the fact that if his parents cannot speak english/spanish they may have communication problems with somebody that isnt Pashtun for example. communication is not always neccessarily just speaking its communication in a Pashtun way..

If your interested in Pashtun culture this is the place to be and we welcome you, you will find A to Z information on any topic regarding Pashtuns, furthermore there are numerous threads on the step by step learning of the Pashto language.

[IamDZJ]

you want us, a bunch of strangers, to decide for you wether you should or should not give up on your love. Yeah, good luck with your "love".

[roadrunner]

you want us, a bunch of strangers, to decide for you wether you should or should not give up on your love. Yeah, good luck with your "love".

it's a reasonable question to ponder for society's rejects.

what would the solution be?

does he live in the ghetto? are upmarket folks more liberal generally? could be too young to think? etc etc

[Lief]

you want us, a bunch of strangers, to decide for you wether you should or should not give up on your love. Yeah, good luck with your "love".

I'm not willing anyone decide for me, I'm enough conscient for take decisions on my own. I just was asking for info as a "stranger" as I have said, with all the respect. No needed tot write love with "..." if u don't believe it I don't care, just respect other's feelings because you all in love with the person, then comes all the context. It's a hard situation for me, and also for my boyfriend, just I needed u explain me these family relations, just that.

Anyway, thank u for all your comments. And yeah, I'm interested in languages and culture so I'll look for that here and try to learn more about it.

[IamDZJ]

if he wants you, he will fight for you. If he doesn't, he won't. Simple as that. Whatever is between him and his parents is between him and his parents. Don't fool yourself.

[Afghanistan2010]

On the very last post i agree,but i don't understand the parents,i don't see any problem except you are a non muslim.

[Arghawaani]

His parents don't agree with him because they're not only seeing a reflection in the mirror your 'boyfriend' looks into, they also see what their son went through in the past, his present and can take a pretty spot on guess on the future he may hold. Why? They've moulded this man. For many Afghan men in the west who fool around before they're eternally committed, it's just a phase. Not love.

[roadrunner]

if he wants you, he will fight for you. If he doesn't, he won't. Simple as that. Whatever is between him and his parents is between him and his parents. Don't fool yourself.

this is true, to an extent. though he'd need a domineering personality to pull it off.

[Amir al Ghaznavi]

apenas de para arriba, amiga