Controversial customs among Pashtuns

[شمله ور خراساني]

as salaamu alaikoum,


There are many disturbing or controversial customs among Pashtuns.

We should discuss them here.

So start off. I will jump in lateron.

[IamDZJ]

give an example sangar.

[شمله ور خراساني]

give an example sangar.

- Not giving salams to the husband of your sister because he is considered as a lowly creature.

- Asking for Baaberrey in weddings.

- Fratricide in family disputes over money and inheritance.

[Wrayun]

- Not giving salams to the husband of your sister because he is considered as a lowly creature.

Don't know about other Pukhtoon areas but this is a new to me. In our region when a marriage happens, it is considered strengthening of one matay (shoulders/numbers). So the brother-in-law is consider a brother, part of the family. However amongst some people there is this taboo, of calling someone your Khor Merra, in other words, someone that is sleeping with your sister. For some this thought alone triggers an uneasy feeling because of the strong concept of ghairat and namus, even though the relationship is a legitimate one. Yet the thought of some man sleeping with their namus, for some, is uncomfortable. Not only that, for some, even the suggestion that the way they were born, required their mother to sleep with their father, is insulting enough to cause outrage. Which is of course valid, but, taboo.

- Asking for Baaberrey in weddings.

Don't know what that is.

- Fratricide in family disputes over money and inheritance.

This is true, but is also true for many other societies particularly tribal societies. Arabs are known for this: I against my brother, my brother and I against my cousin, my cousin, brother and I against the world. This is also very true in the sub-continent. For example Bollywood has plenty of films on this subject alone.

Not a distinctive Pukhtoon feature....

[kandahari ella]

Wrayun- interesting input on the issue of "the brother-in-law" I never thought of it that way. I've never heard about that concept before. So within these tribes were this custom is practiced, what do they call the brother in laws? I realize you were putting a theory forward, but I am curious, in case you do know.

What is Baaberrey? And as for the "Fratricide" concept, I have to agree with Wrayun. Fratricide, is as old as time-- starting from Qabil and Habil (Cain and Abel) to Shakespeare's Hamlet to heck, even The Lion King. I'm not saying it should be practiced. But at the same time, it was the first type of murder humans committed, so every society will use it in towards their advantage whenever they can.


As for the controversial customs-- I don't like how some people use thaaweez or when they believe a certain color will bring calamity.

[Mayana]

Kissing elder's hands? =/ It's considered controversial amongst some..

[Michin Khel]

In our areas the bride after nikah goes to her plarganai and after 3 days she will return and then the couple will celebrate suhaag raat...it is not a bad custom though but it is not mandatory in islam.

[Michin Khel]

A bad custom, pa loor paidaish bande zairra na kaigi.

[Michin Khel]

Another custom: de yo kas ta particular jinai rishta na milaway gi nu agha jinai kor makhta dazoona(firing) waki. nu agha jinai ta bal tsok rishta zaka na war wastai che de matlab ba dazo wal halak sara lanja wi.

[Michin Khel]

Another bad custom: Pashtun parents do not accept the rishta the boy who shows interest/love in their daughter. i.e you cant say to them that my son is in love with your daughter.

[khushal]

The custom i most despise is the process of resolving badi by giving daughters away as brides to your rivals. exchanging your daughter for some other persons daughter as brides for the sons for the two families.

Wrayons theory of namus having legitimate relations with another man(husband) and the brother feels disrespected is flawed. The only time a pashtun feels disrespected by namus having relationships is when peghor can be given to him. When a pashtuns sister is married to her husband, The brother of the pashtuna does not feel disrespected because peghor can not be given and the namus is no longer his to protect. It is the husbands and the husbands family's namus to protect.
The theory with his father sleeping with his mother is laughable. What, the father is going to give his son peghor that Im sleeping with your mother. The reason most pashtunas dont marry after being widowed is because peghor can be given to the previous namus's family and even to the son of the namus who was fathered by the deceased. Most of the time the widow is married to the deseased husbands brother who again can not give peghor to his own family.

[Michin Khel]

Well said khushal

[IamDZJ]

umm i don't like shaking hands with men to greet them. can't we just bow at each other a little?

[Michin Khel]

A controversial custom is when a daughter is given to introduce truce. Perhaps the most despised.

A custom swara

[Michin Khel]

Yes it called swara, it is very common in some areas of pakhtunkhwa. It is also common among niazis of mianwali (punjab) where it is called "wani". Some Cases of wani were once very highlighted in pakistani news.