Divorce among Pashtuns

[eyeliner]

Divorce even in the west is unheard of when it comes to Pashtuns.

seriously? thats not what ive witnessed

[Dreamer]

Okay, so in my lifetime I've known two Pashtun couples who ended up getting a divorce. Most Pashtuns I know tell me divorces are a rare phenomenon in our culture, but I think no nation is truly immune to these things.

I mean some of us live in countries where 50% of all marriages end in divorce. And when people move to these countries, they do so because they see short-term benefits (e.g. people who lived a tough existence back home might find the opportunities to earn a better living here very attractive). However, the long-term changes that affect them and their future generations in these new countries are difficult to for see.

What I mean is, eventually people do conform to the countries they live in. Some might argue that is not the case for everyone, but eventually mentalities do change.

I'd like to know how many divorces you guys have seen among Pashtuns. They can be in any country, and any circumstances. If you do not feel comfortable talking about why the couple got a divorce that is fine. Both of the couples I mentioned are now happily remarried to other people, so if anyone is curious, I don't mind sharing the gist of the circumstances surrounding their separations.

where u been???
anyway sometimes its better 2 part as friends then live as enemies... divorce is allowed....

I knw a few pashtuns who got divorced

2 girls married 2 guys at the same time... the girls are roughly same age... 1 is the paternal aunt of the other... she has an affair with her nieces husband... gets pregnant by him runs away 2 Scotland ... tells her lover to dump his wife her niece and live with her.... The nieces family beat the guy 2 a pulp and tell their daughter 2 divorce her husband she does and her former husband marries her aunt also divorced frm her husband by now

[Amir al Ghaznavi]

where u been???
anyway sometimes its better 2 part as friends then live as enemies... divorce is allowed....

I knw a few pashtuns who got divorced

2 girls married 2 guys at the same time... the girls are roughly same age... 1 is the paternal aunt of the other... she has an affair with her nieces husband... gets pregnant by him runs away 2 Scotland ... tells her lover to dump his wife her niece and live with her.... The nieces family beat the guy 2 a pulp and tell their daughter 2 divorce her husband she does and her former husband marries her aunt also divorced frm her husband by now

lol wtf? sounds like an episode of Maury Povich

[Shayesta]

I do not know if I have a right to comment, since I was not born a Pashtun.

Where you from then?

Dating, mixed marraiges, girls wearing jeans

Don't tell me none of these happen in Pakistan!? :S

[Dreamer]

Divorce does not exist because woman don't have the power to demand a divorce.

men and women can divorce.... get with the times

[Shamaar]

I think what laghmanking wror was referring to was the state back home. In the West, I've seen educated couples separate for a variety of reasons.

One of the most profound cases was where a Pashtun couple in the West, both medical doctors, separated because the husband used to beat his wife. He even beat her when she was pregnant. And in all honesty that wasn't even the reason she left him. When their daughter was a child he tried to beat her severely too. That was the final straw for her so she left him. It's sad because they were both educated, and you wouldn't think that kind of stuff happens to people of that class, but it unfortunately does.

[MeemWawMeemNoon]

Divorce does not exist because woman don't have the power to demand a divorce.

A man gives a talaaq, but a woman requests a khul'. This is within Islamic Shari'ah.

[unknownprince]

I do not know if I have a right to comment, since I was not born a Pashtun.

Zayam, you have a right to comment. Stop thinking like this, and stop being hesitant. I told you this before

[unknownprince]

I think what laghmanking wror was referring to was the state back home. In the West, I've seen educated couples separate for a variety of reasons.

One of the most profound cases was where a Pashtun couple in the West, both medical doctors, separated because the husband used to beat his wife. He even beat her when she was pregnant. And in all honesty that wasn't even the reason she left him. When their daughter was a child he tried to beat her severely too. That was the final straw for her so she left him. It's sad because they were both educated, and you wouldn't think that kind of stuff happens to people of that class, but it unfortunately does.

what the hell was wrong with this man? Did she not have a brother who could have beaten this man to his senses. I hate wife beaters (they are so pathetic).

[unknownprince]

@shamaar
Dating, mixed marraiges, girls wearing jeans and skirts etc...cant be labelled as pashtun way of life. You should only inquire about mainland pashtuns. and I am waiting for intellegent/educated afghans in the west to return to brain-drain afghanistan...

I heard that many Punjabis (who have money) are asking Pashtun men for their daughters hand in marriage. This is not good news, and I was very disappointed to hear this.

We need to increase our numbers. this is not good, and should be unacceptable. This is the dangers of having a close association with Punjab. This is unacceptable. I recently heard of a Pashtun girl who got married to an Indian (this happened in California). In some of the pictures I saw, the father looks very depressed. He also looks like he is going to have a heart attack.

I am no racist, but we need to ensure that we increase rapidly.

At the same time, there have been instances where non-Pashtun men and women have absorbed our ways that they are considered Pashtun, and they marry with us, but this is long forgotten especially since people don't make noise about it. This happened in Afghanistan when fighters came from other parts of the Muslim world.

[Laila]

^ If my husband, which i am sure he wont, ever laid a finger on me, either he will be castrated or i am not scared to ask for a divorce. I cannot live with a man who would let go of his anger on me like that. I have no respect whatsoever for a person like that.

[Zayam]

Shayesta-

I was born in the U.S. and lived in Europe a long time. In my skin I fit into this group the least, but in my heart, well that is a different matter entirely.

[unknownprince]

Shayesta-

I was born in the U.S. and lived in Europe a long time. In my skin I fit into this group the least, but in my heart, well that is a different matter entirely.

Zayam, I consider you one of us already

only if you are observing our ways and traditions and teaching them to oyur children.

[Shamaar]

what the hell was wrong with this man? Did she not have a brother who could have beaten this man to his senses. I hate wife beaters (they are so pathetic).

Well bro, this is one of the issues people encounter when they marry within their families in this day and age. The couple were related, albeit distantly, and living outside of Pashtun areas. So some options just don't remain viable anymore. Her brother and the rest of her family received many threats and lots of trouble in general but they handled it well I think and worked out what was best for her.

The lady did get a divorce however, remarried, and is living a very happy life Alhamdulillah. She has full custody of her daughter. Her ex-husband also remarried another Pashtana who is a doctor, but he married outside of his family the second time. I am not sure about their marital health though.

[unknownprince]

Well bro, this is one of the issues people encounter when they marry within their families in this day and age. The couple were related, albeit distantly, and living outside of Pashtun areas. So some options just don't remain viable anymore. Her brother and the rest of her family received many threats and lots of trouble in general but they handled it well I think and worked out what was best for her.

The lady did get a divorce however, remarried, and is living a very happy life Alhamdulillah. She has full custody of her daughter. Her ex-husband also remarried another Pashtana who is a doctor, but he married outside of his family the second time. I am not sure about their marital health though.

Im sure he won't even dare try that with them lets hope (his new in-laws)

Thanks God, she is out, and living a happy life.