I am a victim of ‘Zhagh’ and I am fighting back

[Nekrofrost]

Ms. decent guy,
It is shameful for a woman to show open love for a guy that she actually loves but it does happen in private. Usually she tells her mom or aunt or older sister. Women tell other women and men tell everyone.

Tbh dont agree with that tho. Aint nothinf wrong with showing love as long as you aint doing some weird stuff like idk making out with him in public and ****

[khushal]

Tbh dont agree with that tho. Aint nothinf wrong with showing love as long as you aint doing some weird stuff like idk making out with him in public and ****

I meant that if a girl likes someone, they usually tell other female relatives.

[Samandri]

This part of the article is wrong:

.

Its not incorrect, the man does not allow the girl's family as well as others from having rishta with the girl other than him. What do you thing the firing in front of the kor of girl is for?. He announces his intention to all and is ready to face the consequences from the girl's family or others.

Nekrofrost, its very wrong. The girl's family is insulted ,and forced to make a choice. Its attack on the dignity of the girl's family. Imagine one day some XYZ stops outside your house, do dazuna and announces your sister name. And dont assume that the story is of Heer Ranjha or Laila Majnun. In most cases its just the boy insisting on getting rishta of the girl, and as he is worthless and just badmashi is his virtue so he tries to resolve the matter through zhagh. In Pashtun society , you can not announce your love to the girl's parents, and if the girl's parents come to know about your love for their daughter, they will refuse the rishta. Such are the etiquette of Pashtuns, now read the Zhagh custom in this context. And as i have already mentioned, its a criminal act in KP since 2013.

[khushal]

Its not incorrect, the man does not allow the girl's family as well as others from having rishta with the girl other than him. What do you thing the firing in front of the kor of girl is for?. He announces his intention to all and is ready to face the consequences from the girl's family or others.

You basically said what I said. You said he is ready to face the consequences. He is putting himself out there for anyone to shoot him dead. Another man can marry her but he has to challenge the one who did the Ghag. In our area of Paktia, this happens a lot and it has happened to close relatives of mine. It happened to a cousin of mine but she was lucky because another man married her and told the one who did the ghag that he will not resort to killing but if need be he had more than 100 threzamon to back him up and his 100 threzamon declared publicly if anyone touches him, they will face the consequences.
The origin of the custom isn't how people practice it today.

Nekrofrost, its very wrong. The girl's family is insulted ,and forced to make a choice. Its attack on the dignity of the girl's family. Imagine one day some XYZ stops outside your house, do dazuna and announces your sister name. And dont assume that the story is of Heer Ranjha or Laila Majnun. In most cases its just the boy insisting on getting rishta of the girl, and as he is worthless and just badmashi is his virtue so he tries to resolve the matter through zhagh. In Pashtun society , you can not announce your love to the girl's parents, and if the girl's parents come to know about your love for their daughter, they will refuse the rishta. Such are the etiquette of Pashtuns, now read the Zhagh custom in this context. And as i have already mentioned, its a criminal act in KP since 2013.

Your confusing love and lust. Your not supposed to announce lust for a girl or even a crush is too strong, but pashtuns have no problem with showing love for someone. We use the word "gran" all the time. Love in a caring way, that you care about the person.

[Samandri]

You basically said what I said. You said he is ready to face the consequences. He is putting himself out there for anyone to shoot him dead. Another man can marry her but he has to challenge the one who did the Ghag. In our area of Paktia, this happens a lot and it has happened to close relatives of mine. It happened to a cousin of mine but she was lucky because another man married her and told the one who did the ghag that he will not resort to killing but if need be he had more than 100 threzamon to back him up and his 100 threzamon declared publicly if anyone touches him, they will face the consequences.
The origin of the custom isn't how people practice it today.

Its certainly does not happen a lot and it is as abnormal as swara is in the Pashtun society. The line in the article is correct while your interpretation of Zhagh is wrong.

Your confusing love and lust. Your not supposed to announce lust for a girl or even a crush is too strong, but pashtuns have no problem with showing love for someone. We use the word "gran" all the time. Love in a caring way, that you care about the person.

Its your American background speaking. You are misinformed about the Pashtun society. No, i was not talking about lust/hawas. Try sending a rishta to a Pashtun family back home and tell them " sta lur bande ma zoy mayan da" .....the reaction will not be what you have imagined

[khushal]

Its certainly does not happen a lot and it is as abnormal as swara is in the Pashtun society. The line in the article is correct while your interpretation of Zhagh is wrong.

You yourself have already stated your own hypocrisy. On the one hand the article says that "it is not allowed" and then you say the person doing the ghag is ready to face the consequences which means someone has to man up and face him. The article even mentions that other men who want to send their proposal to her fear the man who did the Ghag.
I hear numerous stories from our area on a yearly basis. It might not happen in your area since there is some gov authority but in Paktia, there is no gov authority what so ever. The very little gov presence that is there is too afraid to get involved in village matters.

Its your American background speaking. You are misinformed about the Pashtun society. No, i was not talking about lust/hawas. Try sending a rishta to a Pashtun family back home and tell them " sta lur bande ma zoy mayan da" .....the reaction will not be what you have imagined

"mayan" is crush or "in love". I have already stated that is not proper. Remember I used the word "gran."
I was talking about in a caring way. Youre promoting the narrative that pashtuns are not human, that they are incapable of showing love or care to the opposite sex. What your saying is that it is improper for a man to show love for a woman but its ok to just take a woman from the house by force, to take their dignity away. So basically they will shoot a man for showing love for her but not shoot that same man for taking her by force. That does not even make sense. In pashtun society the latter is considered much worse than the former.

And swara is a custom that originally was intended to bring families that had disputes closer and bring unity.The logic was that if the disputing parties become blood relatives, then the generational blood feud should disappear. These customs existed in many societies with minor differences. A famous one in Europe was where King Henry VII married Elizabeth of York to bring the two warring houses(House of York and House of Lancaster) together. I could name many more.

What you lack is an understanding of how customs came to be. You look at them from what Edward Said called an Orientalist's point of view where people take advantage, (savage this and savage that.) I look at them from a historical point of view and how human beings socially evolved into what they are today.

[DaZahroJaam.]

Elite Pakhton, ta de sare zoi na ye? pa saretob na pohege, sam de sare zoi shi da de khaze sha preda, razel insana.

[Master Khan]

If someone did that in front of my house I would have shoot him in the head.
showing disrespect to other people's sister and daughter like is wrong and for that I would happily shoot them and won't care if he dies.

[Elite Pakhtun]

Elite Pakhton, ta de sare zoi na ye? pa saretob na pohege, sam de sare zoi shi da de khaze sha preda, razel insana.

... ta khpal zaan na sa poyegay? Raza makhamakh che darta sarhitob ukhaym. Daus.

[DaZahroJaam.]

Elite Pakhtun , za kha pohegam pa harsa, nayam drsra nejde, ka na sta pa shan spaganaan zama pa makh ki de khabaro kawalo jurat ham nalare, de yaw chaa de lassa nan sta pa shan daus, dala , ao dall khor Sara ham bayad bahs wakam, ta dear khosh Bakht insan ye, daa che Sara nejde na yasto zaka.

[Elite Pakhtun]

Kunni, Internet banday har sok badmash wi... uss ye darta kha bahana am milao sho, che za darsara neezday na yem.

[DaZahroJaam.]

Taa jat, ao marwesee sara ba yawa waraz khamakha goram.