Question for My Bros

[Arsh]

Yak sawal doram baroyee.

Baraye har mard dar PF.

Aga shouma ba yak dokhtar ehsq dehdee, aga shouma ba oun dokhtar niqa kardee… Shouma ba yak ajnabi dokhtar beayaee?

If you love one dokhtar, indeed in this world we have many interactions with other women in our work, school etc. But if a group of friends are going somewhere, will you go without your lover and with some other guys/girls to anywhere (like out for dinner, movie)?

Won’t you feel uncomfortable going with some other guys/girls (I mean like a group)?

I think if you have found your eshq or your love, then you should only go out after with other guys who are like your brothers. Not mixed guys/girls groups.

Che fikr?

Tashkur

[Badlun]

Very good question. If there is no confidence,your love will never let you go alone with others. Jealousy is always an issue.

[DaZahroJaam.]

the pashtun men to whom genuine pashtun values mean something, they do not bring their friends over to places where their wives or sisters are or the other way around. so unless it's an educational gathering or one related to your jobs (if you also happen to be colleagues) as a woman, there is not need to be following your husband around everywhere he goes. get a life of your own and give him his own space.

[Arsh]

This makes sense.

I have a persian friend whom I invited to go bowling. He said can he bring some friends, so I said sure... then he invited two girls.

I told him I wouldn't go. I found it strange, I told him I said you must understand our cultures are so similar.

There are definitely varying degrees of conservatism/liberalism...

[DaZahroJaam.]

actually it has nothing to do with culture but individuals themselves. there is nothing wrong with girls and boys being together except for when there are paranoid people around. some people see others as human beings and then there are those who can't see beyond their genders. they don't know how to speak or behave while in the company of those of their opposite genders. in situations like this, it's never a good idea for a man to be around the women or the women to be around the men. it's much better if they were far away from each other. that comes from coming from an environment where men and women are alienated from each other. nasty things are filled in the minds of men and women who come from that sort of a society. they can not be trusted with each other.

you are a paranoid individual. go get a life.

[Arsh]

Actually we practice a culture where women and men are often segregated, even in the west. It does not mean we do not practice equality, as this is an integral part of our culture, however we choose to keep relationship only with our wives, mother, sisters and daughters, but not with outside women.

Again it depends on Family and how you raised.

Indeed, when studying at University or otherwise it is OK to be around them, but limit interaction to only professional work.

Many of my friends, I have Pakistani Pashtun and other Pakistani, Afghan agree with me, I wanted to see what you guys think.

[DaZahroJaam.]

na,a
you wanted to come here and tell us about your friend who roams around places with two girls at the same time while your righteous little behind wont allow you the pleasure of walking around with even one.
yeah, we get it. you are pious. move along now.

[Brown Skinned Savage]

[MENTION=18917]Arsh[/MENTION], don't mind DZJ aka LEMA, clearly she knows people and their intentions better than they do because somehow her Empty head and hot air gives her some sort of outworldly knowledge no one else has. And not so ironically she's also known for fronting a pious self righteous ranting act on this forum that she accuses you of. Irony I know

And Arsh, I'm honestly not sure what you are asking But I will do my best.

To be honest here there is a balance you have to strike between. The reality is you're living in a world where we'll need to interact and deal with women and men on a regular basis. Maturity, civility and professionalism is crucial. Forget about "Pashtun" this and "Pashtun" that for a moment.

The reality is, no matter how much you may want to always bring your spouse along with you everywhere, she simply won't be able to every time and vice versa. You need to use some basic sense of mutual confidence.

At the same time, I don't believe the way our world/society is set up that we evolved to mix and interact in the way we're doing now in such casual, nonchalant manner.

Not even in primitive cultures which are more resemblant of Early humans display such behavior so casually. It's not only NATURAL but also HEALTHY if you or your spouse are Triggered with Alarms of your spouse doing so. This is not simply cultural but transcends civilizations and societies. If this woman is your spouse, your primary energies should be focused on her since you and her are creating a home/life together, but at the same time it is healthy to develop your ownselves outside of one another

The healthy balance is prioritize, do not allow extraneous activities preoccupy your primary energies, i.e. your spouse, whether psychologically or actively, Allow each other time alone or away, a small bit of time but enough to let you breath and unwind You'll burn out on each other if you're always in each other's faces.

[DaZahroJaam.]

dun dun dun duuuuuuuuuun....


pervert A meets pervert B. this is going to be so interesting.

[Arsh]

I agree. Living in the West we have to find a balance between our traditional culture and the culture where we live. Sometimes this is hard to do.

Sometimes we have to make personal choices that others may not understand. I find it interesting that sometimes we even have to be sort of rude to hold onto our values... like if offered some alcoholic drink, or for muslims non halal meat and that sort of thing.

Some people will not understand, but I feel sometimes it is better for me deal with someone misunderstanding my beliefs, than to deal with my own skin crawling if I am forced into some type of situation I do not agree with.

With increasing knowledge of phenom like "westoxification," there is a much greater struggle ensuing between our Eastern traditions and those in the West. It goes beyond that to other things like women wearing Niqab, etc. We will always stand out, but people are becoming more understanding... Still culture in West, predominantly like WASPS demographic defers starkly from our traditions.

We have to find a balance that works for us... some will choose to stand firm in their beliefs.

[Brown Skinned Savage]

@Arsh

You maybe far more traditional than I am in many regards from what I can infer in your writing. Which isn't a bad thing I might add.

But I do agree with your assessment of "Westoxiification" this is something we must constantly re-examine and re-evaluate and more over keep awareness of to both preserve our principles while still being able to adapt functionally in this society.

There is a saying "Do not throw out the baby with the bath water". What this means there maybe a lot wrong with the way Western society operates, just as we have to admit there is much wrong with Eastern society as well, we should still be able to extract the fruits and merits of Western society, just as we do n Eastern society......without having to accept it's unwanted side effects.....namely the self-destructive behaviors and lifestyle that are endorsed in Western culture which are largely immoral.

The Solution here is to use a system of rational analysis to navigate yourself and your family around these hurdles. For me Western society primarily offers economic, scientific and technological resources and knowledge, Clearly we lagged behind for whatever reason, we should catch up The West offers very little else of merit besides this. In fact the West's prominence in this regard is very temporary, as this world changes, balances of power shifts. So we should acquire what knowledge we can while we have this chance.

While WASPS are less tolerant of us, they're actually more like us in terms of behavior and social ideals. The white liberals are loathesomes in their values, their beliefs and way of life are in complete conflict with ours, yet they are more tolerant of us. Strange paradox isn't it?

We shouldn't try to accommodate with or appeal to either camp really because the "toxic" effects of doing so are clear.We should do mainly that which enriches our well being and over all survival with these toxic elements, both within our community/society and outside of it.

While I am no advocate of Niqab, I also do not believe the niqab necessarily inhibits her from having a productive, active life and that medium which stresses productivity should always be encouraged, for men and women. This is how we will preserve ourselves in the future.