Pashtun weddings

[pukhtana]

Can someone here share with me what happens in Pashtun weddings as far as the customs go? Id love it if you guys can share your experiences with me.

I am going to a wedding in 2011 and I am so excited. Id appreciate it if members can share there thoughts.


Thanks.

[IamDZJ]

it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall depends on where the wedding is.

[pukhtana]

It's a Pashtun tribal wedding.

[erlangner]

It's a Pashtun tribal wedding.

you are attending someone wedding?
If I understand rightly?

It also depends where it is happening?
Then also different areas have different cultures, I mean cultural variation among pashtuns.
If you describe where you are going to attend, then I think many will be able to suggest precious things accordingly.

[Iqra]

the bring the Quran on top of the womans head.

I question this tradition ...

Who knows if the person holding the Quran sharif has wudu...

and most of the time (not all the time, as I haven't been to everyones wedding =) ) the girls aren't fully covered...sometimes even a tad too exposed...with a Quran sharif above their heads...

Does any other culture do this?

What does it symbolize anyway?

[Roshina]

((Edit: To get a better sense of the actual wedding ceremonies -- particularly in Swat and parts of Mardan, at least -- click here for details.))

Yeah, it really depends on where the wedding is taking place. I'm not familiar at all with Pashtun tribal weddings, but when I was in Swat, someone was always getting married, so I attended tons all the time.

For my uncle's weddings, we did something with milk and mithai ... and the groon and bride feed each other in front of everyone :D It's the cutest thing ever! (They fed each other mithai, which I think is very common in many weddings, but they held glasses to each other's mouths to drink the milk as well - milk that had been "blessed" with some prayers and Quranic verses and all.)

I went to a relative's wedding in Mardan once, and they had the best wedding I've EVER attended. I loved and thoroughly enjoyed their customs! (It was very different from the way we do it in Swat.) For one, the wedding in Mardan lasted about an entire week, and every single night, we were doing something special. The night before the wedding -- or is it a couple of nights before the wedding? I'm not sure -- you have something called "Shamey," which is when the females from the boy's side visit the girl's side, carrying lit candles with them (or were they unlit? Gosh, I don't remember ANYTHING!). When you each the girl's house, you dance and eat and have loads of fun.

The wedding day, when the bride has been welcomed into her new family, her hair is supposed to braided WITH green peppers spread all over the braids. Her brother-in-law is supposed to take the peppers off of her hair (it's like a maize kinda thing, I guess) and unbraid her hair.

The day after the wedding is called "wama," when the girl's parents as well as the rest of her family comes over to the groom's house. (In Swat, only a couple of people from the girl's side go with her in the dolai to her new home on her wedding day; everyone else from her side is supposed to go the next day.) Near the evening time, or before everyone gets up to leave, someone gets all of the bride's suitcases to show off her clothes and shoes and everything else to everyone present, naming the person who gifted her this and that. I never understood the significance of this, but I'm sure it has a deeper meaning than I understand it to be.

On the 7th day of the wedding, exactly a week later, the bride visits her parents' home. (This day has a special name, and I can't remember what that is :S) Everyone else is invited as well. And it's this day that, at least in my part of Swat, officially terminates the traditional wedding ceremony.

The bride becomes a normal woman, no one special, afterwards. :P Though, of course, it depends on her in-laws. Some spoil her by never letting her do ANY household chores for at least a month, and others are so mean they make her wake up early in the morning three days after her wedding to do everything for them. (This happened to a cousin of mine.)

[Levanaye Zalmaye]

I question this tradition ...

Who knows if the person holding the Quran sharif has wudu...

and most of the time (not all the time, as I haven't been to everyones wedding =) ) the girls aren't fully covered...sometimes even a tad too exposed...with a Quran sharif above their heads...

Does any other culture do this?

What does it symbolize anyway?

Nope, I didn't have wudu. Plus my arm started to kill me after a while. They could have brought a paper-back too, you know!

[Yousafzai Pakhtun]

Yeah, it really depends on where the wedding is taking place. I'm not familiar at all with Pashtun tribal weddings, but when I was in Swat, someone was always getting married, so I attended tons all the time.

For my uncle's weddings, we did something with milk and mithai ... and the groon and bride feed each other in front of everyone :D It's the cutest thing ever! (They fed each other mithai, which I think is very common in many weddings, but they held glasses to each other's mouths to drink the milk as well - milk that had been "blessed" with some prayers and Quranic verses and all.)

I went to a relative's wedding in Mardan once, and they had the best wedding I've EVER attended. I loved and thoroughly enjoyed their customs! (It was very different from the way we do it in Swat.) For one, the wedding in Mardan lasted about an entire week, and every single night, we were doing something special. The night before the wedding -- or is it a couple of nights before the wedding? I'm not sure -- you have something called "Shamey," which is when the females from the boy's side visit the girl's side, carrying lit candles with them (or were they unlit? Gosh, I don't remember ANYTHING!). When you each the girl's house, you dance and eat and have loads of fun.

The wedding day, when the bride has been welcomed into her new family, her hair is supposed to braided WITH green peppers spread all over the braids. Her brother-in-law is supposed to take the peppers off of her hair (it's like a maize kinda thing, I guess) and unbraid her hair.

The day after the wedding is called "wama," when the girl's parents as well as the rest of her family comes over to the groom's house. (In Swat, only a couple of people from the girl's side go with her in the dolai to her new home on her wedding day; everyone else from her side is supposed to go the next day.) Near the evening time, or before everyone gets up to leave, someone gets all of the bride's suitcases to show off her clothes and shoes and everything else to everyone present, naming the person who gifted her this and that. I never understood the significance of this, but I'm sure it has a deeper meaning than I understand it to be.

On the 7th day of the wedding, exactly a week later, the bride visits her parents' home. (This day has a special name, and I can't remember what that is :S) Everyone else is invited as well. And it's this day that, at least in my part of Swat, officially terminates the traditional wedding ceremony.

The bride becomes a normal woman, no one special, afterwards. :P Though, of course, it depends on her in-laws. Some spoil her by never letting her do ANY household chores for at least a month, and others are so mean they make her wake up early in the morning three days after her wedding to do everything for them. (This happened to a cousin of mine.)

Am from Mardan......Qrratugai you sketched the real picture......you are a nice observer!!!
yup....the parties starts almost 2-3 weeks before the wedding ceremony....Every night the relatives of the Boy(sok chey waada' kavee) invites their other relatives and enters to his house at the night with candles lit in Nakreezo....they dance, sing songs, yo bal stayee pa tappo key(although now a days Tape recorders are used...and has a lot of fun there till late night.... so it is a great fun especially for girls they enjoy each and every night till the wedding day......Exactly one week before the wedding day....there is a custom called "Jorha"..in which the boy family invites their female relatives to their house and shows them the stuff that they have prepared for Jenai.....they eat Mattayeee, take tea and sing songs.......

The night before the wedding night which is called "the Orbal shpa" they the relatives of the boy in a large number go to girls house where they dance, sing songs and eat.....they open the Orbal(hairs) of the girl...and returns late night.....
On the wedding day....the father of the boy invites almost all of the villages/relatives where he entertains them with Rice (Charssada ke Ghattey roojey au ghwakha pakhegeee)...but this is done after they bring the "dolay" to their house.....there are various customs that are performed during dolay time....like the holding Quran,,,,throughing...rice and suger in the air etc...(these customs are supposed to be taken from Hindus).....
The next day the relatives and family of the girl visits his new home....where there is again a party.....that is called "Wama".....

[Roshina]

Am from Mardan......Qrratugai you sketched the real picture......you are a nice observer!!!
yup....the parties starts almost 2-3 weeks before the wedding ceremony....Every night the relatives of the Boy(sok chey waada' kavee) invites their other relatives and enters to his house at the night with candles lit in Nakreezo....they dance, sing songs, yo bal stayee pa tappo key(although now a days Tape recorders are used...and has a lot of fun there till late night.... so it is a great fun especially for girls they enjoy each and every night till the wedding day......Exactly one week before the wedding day....there is a custom called "Jorha"..in which the boy family invites their female relatives to their house and shows them the stuff that they have prepared for Jenai.....they eat Mattayeee, take tea and sing songs.......

The night before the wedding night which is called "the Orbal shpa" they the relatives of the boy in a large number go to girls house where they dance, sing songs and eat.....they open the Orbal(hairs) of the girl...and returns late night.....
On the wedding day....the father of the boy invites almost all of the villages/relatives where he entertains them with Rice (Charssada ke Ghattey roojey au ghwakha pakhegeee)...but this is done after they bring the "dolay" to their house.....there are various customs that are performed during dolay time....like the holding Quran,,,,throughing...rice and suger in the air etc...(these customs are supposed to be taken from Hindus).....
The next day the relatives and family of the girl visits his new home....where there is again a party.....that is called "Wama".....

YES!! I totally remember now! And unfortunately, we didn't get to go weeks before the wedding (since... well, I'm not among the richest people on earth, and it's not all that easy driving to Mardan from Swat all that well ). A cousin of mine just got married there about a year ago -- to renew our almost dying relationship with our relatives in Mardan -- and I'm SO upset that I wasn't there! But, khair, no worries! There'll be more in the future, lol.

And I remember the night before the wedding, and we walked a long way to the girl's house. (We chose to walk.) And we were singing on the way, and kids were yelling and playing and everything. And it was dark -- like late at night, at least around 10 or 11pm.

Oh, and I forgot to mention one thing . . . on the wedding day, the bride's first day at her new home, we had the groom and the bride sit on a couch (red couch) and we lifted them up for everyone to see and throw money at and sing to and yell and everything. It was SO much fun because the bride was all laughing in embarrassment and the groom was looking at her with this huge, bright smile on his face!

Ahh . . . such good customs, such happy memories . . .

[Yousafzai Pakhtun]

Kho marhey..! halakano ta pakey sok gaya na achaee.......Girls are happy in Wada' season.....coz they have lot of fun.....Halakan kho ya wreejey wesheeeee, ya melmano ta oba' warkai au yaa ye drana(heavy) dolay(often the bride is fat au tauba sometimes 2-3 children also sit with her in Dolay)....noo bas che sok dolay woreeee noo haghee la prey qahwa dam keeeeeee.

[Feroza_Banu]

every tribe has their own traditions... there isn't anything as 'pashtun wedding'... if u tell me which tribe u are referring to, you might find someone from that tribe here and they might know the marriage customs of their tribe....

[Roshina]

Kho marhey..! halakano ta pakey sok gaya na achaee.......Girls are happy in Wada' season.....coz they have lot of fun.....Halakan kho ya wreejey wesheeeee, ya melmano ta oba' warkai au yaa ye drana(heavy) dolay(often the bride is fat au tauba sometimes 2-3 children also sit with her in Dolay)....noo bas che sok dolay woreeee noo haghee la prey qahwa dam keeeeeee.

LOL! And you wonder why it's fun being a girl?

Swazai, swazai! lollll

Kho, ey ... daa khaista, khaista jaamey ao kaali che mung achao, kana, no daa da cha daparaa ye?! (okay, FINE, I'm kidding . . . sort of!)

[Dreamer]

weddings..... another excuse to spot potentials lol

[Master Khan]

Pashtun waado ba keyly deera maza kai, darta England key kho bakwas eh.
the more money you spend on the wedding the more fun it is. .

[Dreamer]

^ blah blah blah.... everything about the UK is sub par for you... if its that bad go home...
and spending huge amounts of money on a wedding is stupid... A simple registry office would suffice followed by a small dinner... the only 2 fard aspects of a marriage are Nikkah and a dinner which can in itself be simple which the bride and groom give 2 guests...