Pashtun system of marriage has benefits...

[ChicaDee]

I have met lots of disrespectful men under my people as well as under Afghans. But I live in Europe maybe Afghan in Europe and different from USA.

Sorry, I meant to address this point...lol. I can't speak to Afghan men born or raised in the USA, my husband was born and raised and still lives in Afghanistan. In my limited experience, and by limited I mean about 10, Muslim men (from Egypt, Iran and Iraq) raised or living here in the states, have unfortunately adopted the American culture of being a complete arse. They all attempted to get me into bed with the usual "I want to marry you" bs and were disrespectful of boundaries and the word "no." A few attempted force and were unpleasantly surprised to learn it wasn't going to happen. So that's why I say there are idiots in every culture or ethnicity but I like the code of Pashtunwali (excuse me if I spelled that wrong) because it promotes respect and protection of women.

[یاسمینه]

I like the code of Pashtunwali (excuse me if I spelled that wrong) because it promotes respect and protection of women.

I hope you are fully aware that the Pashtunwali also describes duties of women

[HalloIsBack]

Sorry, I meant to address this point...lol. I can't speak to Afghan men born or raised in the USA, my husband was born and raised and still lives in Afghanistan. In my limited experience, and by limited I mean about 10, Muslim men (from Egypt, Iran and Iraq) raised or living here in the states, have unfortunately adopted the American culture of being a complete arse. They all attempted to get me into bed with the usual "I want to marry you" bs and were disrespectful of boundaries and the word "no." A few attempted force and were unpleasantly surprised to learn it wasn't going to happen. So that's why I say there are idiots in every culture or ethnicity but I like the code of Pashtunwali (excuse me if I spelled that wrong) because it promotes respect and protection of women.

Excuse me, your husband still lives in Afghanistan and you married with him? hm

You don't know each other!

I know exactly what you mean. I could tell you lots of such stories. Or they saying how beautiful you are and why are you still single.

[ChicaDee]

I hope you are fully aware that the Pashtunwali also describes duties of women

Yep


To Hallo: Lots of people marry after knowing each other very short times, it is not always indicative of the marriage becoming a failure. I followed my heart after allowing my brain to judge his quality and characteristics. I spoke with people who had met him in person, spoke with what relatives I could and we, he and I, logged many hours of conversation on the phone, by Skype, on facebook and email. You can marry someone you've known for 10 years and still face problems. I had other proposals but nothing ever felt right and I never had such respect for any man (other than family) then I do for him. I know it will not be easy and happy 100% of the time. And that's ok. Life is about overcoming difficulties and learning and growing. Marrying him was the best decision I have ever made. I am at peace with my choice, it is ok if you don't understand it.

[HalloIsBack]

Yep


To Hallo: Lots of people marry after knowing each other very short times, it is not always indicative of the marriage becoming a failure. I followed my heart after allowing my brain to judge his quality and characteristics. I spoke with people who had met him in person, spoke with what relatives I could and we, he and I, logged many hours of conversation on the phone, by Skype, on facebook and email. You can marry someone you've known for 10 years and still face problems. I had other proposals but nothing ever felt right and I never had such respect for any man (other than family) then I do for him. I know it will not be easy and happy 100% of the time. And that's ok. Life is about overcoming difficulties and learning and growing. Marrying him was the best decision I have ever made. I am at peace with my choice, it is ok if you don't understand it.

As long as you both happy I don't have any problem with it.

I agree with you!

This could be a big problem, sorry if I'm writting it. You don't each other personally because my friends or relatives have got other impression and opinion of me than my husband (I'm not married!). On the one hand it could be a big mistake on the other not. If you know someone just from mail, facebook etc. you don't know him, he could be to 100% different in real life as in www. So never trust the www.

[HalloIsBack]

not bad

[ChicaDee]

We have met in real life and spent a very nice honeymoon together. It was the same as it was online, only better because we didn't have to worry about shoddy internet connection! Lol. I do agree that people can pretend to be whomever they want online and it will be very different when we live together but at least I will never be bored! :D

[Badlun]

I like the code of Pashtunwali (excuse me if I spelled that wrong) because it promotes respect and protection of women.

The code of Pashtunwali was originally secular and gender balanced. Men and women were working together in fields and other places and had equal status. Even today where the Islam of extremism has not reached as kochis, Pashtuns living in mountainous areas both men and women work together and have mutual respect.

But in more than 90% cases Pashtun women are just like prisoners in their houses and have no liberty of any kind. They cannot move around with put the permission and company of the male member of the family.Shuttle cock burqas or coffin like dress covering the whole body is their fate for the whole life.

You may not find a single Pashtun woman owner of her own economic enterprise. Pashtun women do not have rights of inheritance and ownership of property. They are treated just like a commodity by their male lords.

The literacy rate of Pashtun women and infant mortality rate is in the worst range. Very few Pashtun women can be found graduates. Early marriages is a norm. A girl of 13 may be sold in marriage to some one of 50 years.

I do not understand how in such a scenario you think that Pashtunwali mixed with Islam promote respect for women.

The status of Pashtun woman is challenge to the conscience of international community and organizations of human rights and development.

[Badlun]

Pashtun women living in other countries should establish contacts with their peers in Afghanistan and Pakistan and let them know how a fruitful life can be led if they are properly educated and become independent in their lives not like slaves of their male family members.

[RevolutionThroughReason]

The code of Pashtunwali was originally secular and gender balanced. Men and women were working together in fields and other places and had equal status. Even today where the Islam of extremism has not reached as kochis, Pashtuns living in mountainous areas both men and women work together and have mutual respect.

If Pashtunwali was derived from Buddhism, Scythian Nomadic cultures and Zoroastrian influence. Then it was NEVER gender balanced. Because these cultures were never gender balanced. What is true however is that they did not "lock up and seclude" women. That's much different than gender balance. However in ALL Patriarchal Cultures, which Pashtunwali emphasizes patriarchy. Genders had specific roles and obligations. Men and women "were not working in the fields". When Pashtunwali is believed to have become consecrated Pashtuns were probably predominantly pastoral nomads, women gathered sticks, made clothes and made cheese. While men either hunted or grazed the animals in their flock. Men were more focused on hard labor on the terrains while women would be designated more "domestic" work .

Kuchis are nomads they do not do "field" work and the primary difference between Kuchis and settled Pashtuns is burqa, everything else s still well established; Kuchi families operate under a patriarch i.e. a Mashar, All of the decisions of the family , especially in respects to women is governed by them. Kuchi women wear special types of hair styles to indicate their virginal purity and this is guarded by their male members. This is the same as settled Pashtuns more or less. Occasionally a PRE-PUBESCENT Kuchi girl, very strongly emphasize PRE-PUBESCENT attends to sheep/cattle but after puberty she takes on a different role, making cheese or textiles. etc etc.

The portrayal you're giving seems Unscientific and does not match anthropological studies and research. It would be TOTALLY ABSURD to suppose that of all the cultures of the region, Pashtuns were magically the ONLY defacto egalitarian culture while all their surrounding cultures were not. While at the same time Pashtuns became one of the most zealously gender divided cultures more so than their surrounding cultures

But I guess your portrayal is not really actual Pashtun history but rather Modern Influenced idealization trying to impose itself on history?

regardless what you're saying is predominantly false to people who have had more exposure to the Anthropology of Indo-Aryan/Indo-European peoples.

[faye]

i think the benefits of a marriage system, where one is married to a partner who is from the same kind of background, with the same religious beliefs and traditions, would be easier, in many ways, but people are people.
under stresses within a family and survival situation, moods and behaviours can become negative, no matter how the marriage partnership was formed.
some women in afghanistan are committing suicide or attempting to, as an escape from abusive marriages, including abuse from relatives of the husband.

[faye]

RAWA.org: Self-Immolation Of Women On The Rise In Western Provinces

[DaZahroJaam.]

what benefits?? can someone point out a few mentioned from the last few pages??

[KGODB]

Catya sher why dont you marry a 60 yr old Pashtun Khan and tell us how much you enjoy it

[khushal]

Catya sher why dont you marry a 60 yr old Pashtun Khan and tell us how much you enjoy it

A younger woman/girl marrying a wealthy man for the purpose that she will be taken care of is universal, it happens everywhere and anywhere. That has nothing to do with culture but is motivated by self interest.