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  • Pashtun system of marriage has benefits...

    Here is a short article by a woman who I could tell is a Muslim living in the UK.
    She summed up her story of betrayal as a warning for other women.

    Whether her parents had any role in the selection of this husband she does not make clear, probably because the readership of the website which posted her story is made up of Western women who would never understand the idea of the family arranging the marriage for their daughter.

    One is left to conclude that a traditional marriage would have worked out better. Surely parental involvement and approval of the choice of husband would have prevented her devastating experience.

    Also, it is a warning to everyone to beware of such con-artists and manipulators who have no guilt. This is almost a disease which emigrants catch when exposed to American or European society with the lack of moral standards. Notice she doesn't mention a word about prayers or Islam, either. So these were secularized people - at least the husband clearly was devoid of any faith and had left his culture.

    She writes in not very good English, but one can hear her authentic voice.
    And the massive regret in it for such a huge mistake :


    ************************************************** *********

    "When we got engage he come across really nice and kind person. Before i decided to get engage I have told him that I want this relationship based on honesty and truth and he said yeh I want the same. He come across as mummy little baby boy, which was not a problem for me, since I believe that person who love and respect his mother will do respect and care for me as well. He used to often say to me that after I get married to him, I will be the happiest woman on earth/universe. He never used to talk about any intimacy, which seems weird to me, normally what I know is guys do talk about all these things. When I asked him about he said well my ex was abusive and that is why i am scare of it.

    Whenever I want to go out with him after my engagement he always have excuse busy at work. Well I ask him why you not call me every day and he said that we keep every thing to discuss after marriage. We have whole life to talk about things. i thought, yeh he is right.

    Wedding and honeymoon

    In March 2010 we got married. I wanted a big wedding so I spend most of the money even that time. He arrange a nice car and hotel booking for the wedding night. I was so please I felt I met the man of my dream. On the wedding night no intimacy happen and it made me worried and I ask him why... He said my ex was abusive and start crying…
    After a week he book honeymoon in Dubai where he was really good with me and gradually things happen between us. Well even in Dubai he did not want to buy anything for me and my family. I gave him money then he took me for shopping....


    It was a nice trip. We came back around six weeks. We had normal relationship, then one day he told me that he is going away because of his job. Where he didn’t tell me. Well he came back from trip after 10 days, he was a different person. When I ask him why you seem so tense, he told that nothing, it’s work loads. I was trying to make him feel better with all my love, so is my family. Every time I ask him why you depress he mention that my dad has died, that’s why.

    Massive debt

    A few months after our marriage, he ask my brother to lend him some money, which my brother refused. Then in October 2010, he request me to borrow some money for him from bank since his ex left him in debt. I did, since I can’t see him in trouble. After the loan he was good with me till January 2011.

    Mid January he again feel depress. I asked him what happen, he mention nothing. I thought poor him, never been loved by family, so i gave him more love and attention. Since he told me that his family never loved him nor his siblings, so naturally I felt for him. I took him for counseling, which he stopped after few sessions. I felt that he is down, so I took him for holidays in Morocco for a week. There he was fine but has used my credit card for shopping and hotel expenses, saying I’ll pay back.

    After a week I find out he is in massive debt. It was a shock for me again I help him to go through all again. A few months he was fine. He buy me new clothes. I forgot to mention we don’t really have normal intimate relationship. Since I want kids, I was going to have IVF done but he refused.

    The new guy

    Then come January 2012. New year eve he was fine and happy. 2nd week of January I came to visit my family for a week. When i went back, I realise he is very much involved with some homosexual guy, who is very good looking with job, money and car. He started spending all this time with him. When I asked him if you are involved with him, he just said I am disgusting since I think cheap. He is just friend and I like spending time with him.

    Things move on. I still thought, poor him he is depress. Was spending my time, money, emotions everything to make him better. On the other hand, I notice he started wearing the same clothes his gay friend wear, same haircut, same food, same cigarettes. My ex never smoke, thus everything he start doing what his gay friend do.

    I was confused. What the hell is this all about I told his family. And reply I get from them was he is still baby going through stress, depression and so on…

    August 2012 I had enough so came to see my family. He dropped at my parents, promising he will come and spend time with me, but he never came. Just made excuses for month that he is busy at work. Right after he send his mother away as well and brought his gay friend in our house to start living with him. And straight after that, he text me saying that “I am gay and being with you make me depressed and unhappy so don’t come back”.

    I was in shock since. I asked him to meet me once but he never come. I waited for a month and one day. I went to our house because my stuff was still with him. There he was with his gay friend or maybe his boy friend. He didn’t open the door for me. In fact he knew I got the keys so he changed the lock, change alarm system so I cant get in. So he left me on street that day [in rainy and cold weather]. Few days before he told his mother don’t came back because I don’t want you in my life.

    He won’t pay

    When I ask him to pay the money, he said to the lawyer that he will pay the money once I signed divorce paper. Which I know he will not, since he hasn’t pay any money since past few months. Also he hasn’t pay any maintenance, which a man have to pay to wife in our culture if he left me.
    Now what I heard is he is enjoying his life with his friend. Only he have around him is this guy who believe that my ex is his best friend. He don’t want to be contacted by his own family at all.

    I am shocked that he didn’t have no guilt whatsoever. Also I should mention he has taken money from his mother, friend, my parents and God knows who else … list is endless. Also he often used to bring expensive things at home and said my boss gave this to me. Also he always like to use most expensive things even though he don’t have money.

    Yes I know he is a sociopath, and he used me against his mother since his mother was his victim for years. And he wanted to [end?] his relationship with his mother. Of course he used his gay mate against me to [end ?] relationship with me. I know it doesn’t bother them what they really are. They can be gay, transexual or straight. Well let’s see who will be his next prey against his friend."
    Last edited by Catya Sher; 01-31-2013, 07:37 PM.

  • #2
    This article proves that Musa Khan Yusufzai is right. Blonde girls (or just all western girls regardless of hair color) are corrupted devils, why it's best for us to marry a Persian,Arab,Kurd,Turk,Pashtun or Punjabi Pakistani/Indian muslim girl :P. BTW, Turks are getting modernized, and so was Iran becoming modernized, but thanks to Khomeini, Iran is back in our culture (but Shia though with it's Muta marriage ). BOsnian muslims are lost now, they're western culture is more dangerous to their nation than their genocide during the Bosnian War of independance, just go ask Soldat Amir on his video about Albania not being a muslim country.

    Bosnian Muslims are never goanna recover their lost ones after the Bosnain war if they act with this corrupted western culture. Same with Serbs and Croats, if you want your nation to survive, return to the past, this new culture is a bigger threat to your race, worser than genocide.
    Last edited by TolloAfghanSpinDai; 01-31-2013, 09:18 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      this is not just a Pashtun system of marriage, to be honest, this system of marriage starts with kurds from the west and ends with Bangladeshi on the east. As such, anyone who's Kurdish, Arab, Persian, Central Asian Turkish, Pashto-Balochi or Punjabi/Indian muslim can marry between eachother because they have maintained this common system of marriage influenced by their indigenous culture and islam. Malays/Indonesians , i do not know, but any muslim ethnicity outside of the region this region i call the Kurdo-Bengali belt don't have this system of marriage because it has eroded to secular/western influence.

      In Turkey, Kurdish lifestyle maintains the old arranged marriage type of style compared to anatolian turks, they predict Kurds are going to replace Turks on an ethnic composition.



      But slowly and slowly, the western culture has eaten the European traditional marriage system and wants to eliminate our precious Kurdo-Bengali system of marriage.
      Last edited by TolloAfghanSpinDai; 01-31-2013, 09:33 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Wait, i should call it the Kurdo-Rohingyan belt, if i assume Rohingya people are the eastern most ethnic group. Malay-Indonesians, i have yet to look at their marriage system.

        Comment


        • #5
          frick, i forgot to include berbers and arabs in north africa -_-.

          Comment


          • #6
            I generally agree with you, and it's true, it is a large swath of
            Southwest Asia and North Africa which follows the same

            TIMELESS
            Customs -
            smart people indeed !

            What's that about the Western girls, though ?
            This was clearly a woman from a Muslim family.
            You can tell, too, that her brother is a factor. The horrible guy asked
            the woman's brother for money. That would NEVER happen in
            an American or European family, which are fragmented.
            One can sense the family solidarity through her words.

            Also the way SHE speaks about how she gave in to the money request
            after her brother said no. "I can't see him [husband at the time] in trouble"
            she said.
            Nearly all American women of today would say "Tough luck" and shrug.

            One can see how tender-hearted she is ; this is a Middle-Eastern or North
            African woman.

            Plus she mentions at the end subtly "in OUR culture". This probably
            is the reason she married him. He SEEMED to be a product of
            Islamic society. But turned out to be a horrible fraud !

            Notice how he has 'an ex". I guess that means a former girlfriend, I am
            not that familiar with this widespread term.

            THAT right there should have told this Muslim woman EVERYTHING she
            needed to know about her prospective spouse !

            Comment


            • #7
              P.S. I see you wrote too "our culture" regarding Iran. True ; Iranians
              have a lot to thank Khomeini and Khamanei for.
              Though some don't realize it !


              Think if all the girls in Iran met and married devils like THIS --
              they would be devastated for LIFE.
              It's not worth that to live the "free life" of Western countries.

              This and much else were sensibly pointed out to an Iran which
              had become dangerously copying America.
              Not all want to hear that message, but this tragic story
              underlines the bad consequences of not paying attention to
              the wise warnings given by these leaders.

              Comment


              • #8
                Oh great dowrys. Yeah i see similarities between pashtun and indian culture here. For indians the women's side of the family has to pay a dowry but for pashtuns the men's family has to pay it.
                "Revenge is a dish best served cold".

                -Old Pashtun proverb




                "My Pashtun Pride i will not hide!"

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Catya Sher View Post
                  P.S. I see you wrote too "our culture" regarding Iran. True ; Iranians
                  have a lot to thank Khomeini and Khamanei for.
                  Though some don't realize it !


                  Think if all the girls in Iran met and married devils like THIS --
                  they would be devastated for LIFE.
                  It's not worth that to live the "free life" of Western countries.

                  This and much else were sensibly pointed out to an Iran which
                  had become dangerously copying America.
                  Not all want to hear that message, but this tragic story
                  underlines the bad consequences of not paying attention to
                  the wise warnings given by these leaders.
                  What does iran have to with pashtuns?
                  "Revenge is a dish best served cold".

                  -Old Pashtun proverb




                  "My Pashtun Pride i will not hide!"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    lol..catya lives in americia. hates it but doen't move to her idyllic iran. she idolises strict regulations but doesn't want them for herself.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Catya Sher View Post
                      Here is a short article by a woman who I could tell is a Muslim living in the UK.
                      She summed up her story of betrayal as a warning for other women.

                      Whether her parents had any role in the selection of this husband she does not make clear, probably because the readership of the website which posted her story is made up of Western women who would never understand the idea of the family arranging the marriage for their daughter.

                      One is left to conclude that a traditional marriage would have worked out better. Surely parental involvement and approval of the choice of husband would have prevented her devastating experience.

                      Also, it is a warning to everyone to beware of such con-artists and manipulators who have no guilt. This is almost a disease which emigrants catch when exposed to American or European society with the lack of moral standards. Notice she doesn't mention a word about prayers or Islam, either. So these were secularized people - at least the husband clearly was devoid of any faith and had left his culture.

                      She writes in not very good English, but one can hear her authentic voice.
                      And the massive regret in it for such a huge mistake :


                      ************************************************** *********

                      "When we got engage he come across really nice and kind person. Before i decided to get engage I have told him that I want this relationship based on honesty and truth and he said yeh I want the same. He come across as mummy little baby boy, which was not a problem for me, since I believe that person who love and respect his mother will do respect and care for me as well. He used to often say to me that after I get married to him, I will be the happiest woman on earth/universe. He never used to talk about any intimacy, which seems weird to me, normally what I know is guys do talk about all these things. When I asked him about he said well my ex was abusive and that is why i am scare of it.

                      Whenever I want to go out with him after my engagement he always have excuse busy at work. Well I ask him why you not call me every day and he said that we keep every thing to discuss after marriage. We have whole life to talk about things. i thought, yeh he is right.

                      Wedding and honeymoon

                      In March 2010 we got married. I wanted a big wedding so I spend most of the money even that time. He arrange a nice car and hotel booking for the wedding night. I was so please I felt I met the man of my dream. On the wedding night no intimacy happen and it made me worried and I ask him why... He said my ex was abusive and start crying…
                      After a week he book honeymoon in Dubai where he was really good with me and gradually things happen between us. Well even in Dubai he did not want to buy anything for me and my family. I gave him money then he took me for shopping....


                      It was a nice trip. We came back around six weeks. We had normal relationship, then one day he told me that he is going away because of his job. Where he didn’t tell me. Well he came back from trip after 10 days, he was a different person. When I ask him why you seem so tense, he told that nothing, it’s work loads. I was trying to make him feel better with all my love, so is my family. Every time I ask him why you depress he mention that my dad has died, that’s why.

                      Massive debt

                      A few months after our marriage, he ask my brother to lend him some money, which my brother refused. Then in October 2010, he request me to borrow some money for him from bank since his ex left him in debt. I did, since I can’t see him in trouble. After the loan he was good with me till January 2011.

                      Mid January he again feel depress. I asked him what happen, he mention nothing. I thought poor him, never been loved by family, so i gave him more love and attention. Since he told me that his family never loved him nor his siblings, so naturally I felt for him. I took him for counseling, which he stopped after few sessions. I felt that he is down, so I took him for holidays in Morocco for a week. There he was fine but has used my credit card for shopping and hotel expenses, saying I’ll pay back.

                      After a week I find out he is in massive debt. It was a shock for me again I help him to go through all again. A few months he was fine. He buy me new clothes. I forgot to mention we don’t really have normal intimate relationship. Since I want kids, I was going to have IVF done but he refused.

                      The new guy

                      Then come January 2012. New year eve he was fine and happy. 2nd week of January I came to visit my family for a week. When i went back, I realise he is very much involved with some homosexual guy, who is very good looking with job, money and car. He started spending all this time with him. When I asked him if you are involved with him, he just said I am disgusting since I think cheap. He is just friend and I like spending time with him.

                      Things move on. I still thought, poor him he is depress. Was spending my time, money, emotions everything to make him better. On the other hand, I notice he started wearing the same clothes his gay friend wear, same haircut, same food, same cigarettes. My ex never smoke, thus everything he start doing what his gay friend do.

                      I was confused. What the hell is this all about I told his family. And reply I get from them was he is still baby going through stress, depression and so on…

                      August 2012 I had enough so came to see my family. He dropped at my parents, promising he will come and spend time with me, but he never came. Just made excuses for month that he is busy at work. Right after he send his mother away as well and brought his gay friend in our house to start living with him. And straight after that, he text me saying that “I am gay and being with you make me depressed and unhappy so don’t come back”.

                      I was in shock since. I asked him to meet me once but he never come. I waited for a month and one day. I went to our house because my stuff was still with him. There he was with his gay friend or maybe his boy friend. He didn’t open the door for me. In fact he knew I got the keys so he changed the lock, change alarm system so I cant get in. So he left me on street that day [in rainy and cold weather]. Few days before he told his mother don’t came back because I don’t want you in my life.

                      He won’t pay

                      When I ask him to pay the money, he said to the lawyer that he will pay the money once I signed divorce paper. Which I know he will not, since he hasn’t pay any money since past few months. Also he hasn’t pay any maintenance, which a man have to pay to wife in our culture if he left me.
                      Now what I heard is he is enjoying his life with his friend. Only he have around him is this guy who believe that my ex is his best friend. He don’t want to be contacted by his own family at all.

                      I am shocked that he didn’t have no guilt whatsoever. Also I should mention he has taken money from his mother, friend, my parents and God knows who else … list is endless. Also he often used to bring expensive things at home and said my boss gave this to me. Also he always like to use most expensive things even though he don’t have money.

                      Yes I know he is a sociopath, and he used me against his mother since his mother was his victim for years. And he wanted to [end?] his relationship with his mother. Of course he used his gay mate against me to [end ?] relationship with me. I know it doesn’t bother them what they really are. They can be gay, transexual or straight. Well let’s see who will be his next prey against his friend."
                      excuse me but this woman is damn stupid
                      faye's chauffeur

                      Pashton's girlfriend

                      I'm a Pashtun Princes


                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Both western and Arranged system of marriage may take the worst forms.
                        To me I prefer the ancient form of marriage, where parents gave an advice concerning the marriage, did all to protect their child and explain future problems, but it was their child to decide and if he decided against his parents advice he knew to be the only responsible if problems occur in future.
                        Ա՜խ, ընկել եմ քար ու քարափ,
                        Իմ սրբություն, ե՛տ արի, ե՛տ,

                        Ես ծովակ եմ առանց կարապ,
                        Իմ էություն, ե՛տ արի, ե՛տ:

                        Ես անտառ եմ առանց եղնիկ
                        Իմ վեհություն, ե՛տ արի, ե՛տ:

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I think that lack of experience and good advisors contributed to this girl's problem. If the guy was so close with his mother, where were the conversations and the meetings with the families? Why didn't she insist upon discussion of issues that every marriage has (money, intimacy, etc)? Why get married to someone who has no interest in talking about things other than, "I will make you the happiest woman in the universe."? Where were her parents or friends to say "hey wait, this guy doesn't sound right?" She doesn't say how old she is, but I think she never had anyone to tell her what to expect from a man, what to do when approached by someone, to be able to judge his quality. Maybe because I have dated a few people before, I knew what to ask my husband before we got married. We had many, many, many discussions of what each of us expected and wanted from a life partner. I talked with his sister and brother in law also and had their blessing to marry. He has never, ever asked for money. He says as a Pashtun man, it is his responsibility and pleasure to provide for his wife and family. I say it is my job as a wife to provide my husband and children with a nice home. It's a partnership. Both are equal contributors (most of the time) or else the relationship doesn't work. It seems to me like the man she is talking about was/is probably gay and married her to hide it. But by doing so, he only made everyone (himself included) miserable. Better to be alone and figure out who you are before you drag other people along for a disappointing ride.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Excellent comment, very insightful, ChicaDee.

                            I hope all the Pashtuns and all others too will read it carefully and learn,

                            hence avoiding such dreadful mistakes ! And even small mistakes.
                            Sounds like you have a nice harmonious marriage.
                            Your husband sounds strong and good.

                            I think that thorough investigation and discussion is such an important
                            thing that it can not be enough emphasized.

                            You are right about the guy. I hadn't quite figured that out !

                            Tjanaparh, that makes sense.
                            When you say "ancient", do you have any idea from which culture
                            or civilization handled marriages like that ?

                            I think it's good for everyone to think through all these angles carefully.
                            If nothing else, one can give sound advice to one's family or friends,
                            following a good commentary like ChicaDee's. Others too I am sure.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              A woman should realize that when marrying a Pashtun(Afghan), you are also marrying the family.
                              Even Adobe Photoshop can't change me.

                              A line[Durrand line] of hatred that raised a wall between the two brothers -Hamid Karzai

                              For generations, the Hindus of India prayed for deliverance from "the venom of the cobra, the teeth of the tiger and the vengeance of the Afghan."


                              The men of Kábul and Khilj also went home; and whenever they were questioned about the Musulmáns of the Kohistán (the mountains), and how matters stood there, they said, "Don't call it Kohistán, but Afghánistán; for there is nothing there but Afgháns and disturbances." Thus it is clear that for this reason the people of the country call their home in their own language Afghánistán, and themselves Afgháns. The people of India call them Patán; but the reason for this is not known. But it occurs to me, that when, under the rule of Muhammadan sovereigns, Musulmáns first came to the city of Patná, and dwelt there, the people of India (for that reason) called them Patáns—but God knows!

                              -Ferishta, 1560–1620

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