Walwar

[AnGaaR]

Salamoona everyone

lets talk about walwar..
Taking walwar is a common custom amongst Afghans and pashtons from pashtonkhwa.

Its the money demanded from the groom by the girl's father to be able to say yes for fixing the relationship.
Now adays it starts from $ 1000 upto 100,000 and maybe more than that depending on the status of the families involved.

Whats ur views about this issue.
Is walwar something good and acceptable in islam or not?
What are the dark sides or bad effects of walwar?


Vote

[Nokia_Apridy]

Loor kharswal di WALWAR........

[AfghanSoulja]

It's a perfect example of how we have twisted our religion according to our cultural norms

[Abdali]

This was never part of our culture. I don't know where all this started from. I can proudly say it is decreasing slowly and slowly.

[AnGaaR]

This was never part of our culture. I don't know where all this started from. I can proudly say it is decreasing slowly and slowly.

Im so sad to say that it still exists in Afghanistan. In our ghazni u have to pay alot of money.. guys cant pay so they go to pakistan or iran to work for 10 to 15 yrs.. when they come back they are 40 to 50 yrs old.. then they get married.. thats not good

[Abdali]

^but why though? Its really required like that? cant you just say your walwar is to make her happy and treat her good?

[Shayesta]

Only Pukhtoons I have seen take and/or give 'walwar' are Wardakis, except those who have married an Afghan from any other province than Wardak. And what I find so funny is that usually those who consider themselves 'true' Muslims and ask Afghan girls whether they are Muslims or not (just because they ain't wearing a hijaab) are taking part in giving (and especially taking) walwar. I know of this family whose daughter isn't even engaged yet and so far they made their daughters' in-laws to-be spend at least thousands of Dollars. Not just on their daughter, but also on themselves. And then they claim that their daughters' in-laws themselves offer to buy them things, even tickets to Europe. Yeah right, looks they have been bitten by a crazy dog........

This might sound strange and irrelevant, but only 'walwar' parents should ask for is their daughter's happiness and let her in-laws decide how much (or how less) they want to spend on their daughter. Believe me that if the parents push on walwar, then the day 100% will come when the girl's in-laws will remind her how her parents snatched money from them and how 'hungry' they were for money. Some Afghans are very typical in giving 'tanah' and that's exactly what we Afghans should prevent.

[Feroza_Banu]

u guys will laugh at me but i am for it!... i don't support to be as much as 100000 thousand dollars but i do support walwar... if not walwar i do support this whole idea of groom's family or groom throwing a big wedding and spending money for her the bride. and i have a really good reason to back it up.

i know this guy who got married about a year ago... he spent around 100,000 dollars on his wedding alone, and about 20,000 dollars on girl's jewelry and diamond ring. after marriage the husband and wife started having problems... like the problems start one day after marriage... the problems escalated so much that both families got involved, they beat up each other, and the groom's mother had a heart attack and the men in the house almost went to jail all because of the bride creating problems in the house and having issues with her in laws... she is really a witch!... extremely rude and be tarbia... but the husband will NOT let her go... he will just not divorce her ... only because he has spent that much on her and now he is broke. he isn't in the position to leave her and marry another one... hahahaha... its really funny but good for that girl who made him spend so much that now he has no choice but to stick to her.

my mom always used to tell me this joke... once there was a huge flood in a village and the flood water was destroying all the houses and drowning people... and amongst all the ciaos one father in law shouts... please save my daughter in law for i have spent alot of money on her... please don't let her die... she is worth thousands!

anyways... hope u guys get the point..

[tor_khan]

There's a more simple precedent for this in Islam. The Arabs have a similiar deal and the asking price of Mahr varies and the truth sometimes this verges on the ridiculous. Bride Prices can get so high or twisted so that it becomes tantamount to selling girls.

On the other hand, the Desi thing works the other way and puts pressure on the GIRLS family to come up with money and material goods.

Simply put:

1. Desi Dowry: Wife + Dowry = Husband
2. Pashtoon Dowry: Husband + Dowry = Wife

[Feroza_Banu]

Feroza MashAllah you are so wise. We need woman like you hear to bless us with wisdom.

lol... thank you... i think alot of men will come and disagree with what i wrote... and i think they will also pitty my husband that he has married a someone with such thought...

but based on my experience when afghan men have alot of money ... or they have married their first wife cheap. they marry a second one. and even third one...

alot of afghan men and their families will bring Islam into play when it comes to spending money on the girl during marriage ceremony... but a cheap bride is just that... cheap!... she can be sent back home easily, thrown out of the house easily , marry another one over her easily..

[Feroza_Banu]

There's a more simple precedent for this in Islam. The Arabs have a similiar deal and the asking price of Mahr varies and the truth sometimes this verges on the ridiculous. Bride Prices can get so high or twisted so that it becomes tantamount to selling girls.

On the other hand, the Desi thing works the other way and puts pressure on the GIRLS family to come up with money and material goods.

Simply put:

1. Desi Dowry: Wife + Dowry = Husband
2. Pashtoon Dowry: Husband + Dowry = Wife

i pity this so called "desi" tradition!... extremely sad.

[Shayesta]

^ I can see where you are coming from and even I think if the guy's family truly wants to spend that much, then off they go! But what I am referring at is the girl's family asking for walwar which, in my eyes, is extremely cheap. And what's the use of spending thousands and thousands on a woman who isn't even worth it and then punishing yourself in the future by keeping that worthless woman besides you, just because you were a fool enough to spend ridiculously much on her? Had he spent a little less then he could have gotten rid of that woman who doesn't even know how to talk to his parents, excuse my language but only beghairatan will care more about their money than their parents. In West guys spend ridiculous amount of money on their wedding and many of them get broke thanks to it, but I still have to see such weddings last for longer than at least a year. This might sound unbelievable but one of the guys had spent £20.000 on his fiancée and claimed back all the money from her father when they broke up. They will separate anyway if they have to, at least they should realise if the person is worth spending everything on and if she is, then he can still spend on her after their wedding. Like on honeymoon, a big house, nice car, etcetera.

A woman who will refuse walwar isn't cheap, she is a wise person who knows how to spend money. Despite of being from a poor nation like Afghanistan and yet spent such huge amount of money on your wedding, now that's what I consider as cheap. A man respects a woman who knows how to respect her husband to-be's possession and earnings, and such men themselves will spent money on their wives without their wives even asking for it. By being greedy for money you will only show interest in his money and trust me that such womens' respect and love vanishes with the guys low income. I guarantee.

[شمله ور خراساني]

I think men should pay some money to the bride which is within Islamic boundries. But the Pashtun practice of selling daughters is just sick and disturbing.

I have a friend who married a girl for whom he paid lots of money. After they were married, the man was down 50.000 euro's.

Most sickening thing is, the girl was from a "roshan feker" communist/nationalist family. They robbed the poor guy.

And his wife turned out to be a shishaka!

I will never buy a woman. For two reasons: I don't have any money. And even if I did have the money, I would rather be single all my life than buy a person to be my wife.

[Pakhtunzai]

Sadly this happens quite a bit in Pakistan, I would NEVER find a girl from Pakhtunkhwa through this method because its disgusting and against the girls will. Its such a dreadful way to start a marriage. "How did you get married".."Oh I bought my wife for a fee"...Astagfirullah!!

[شمله ور خراساني]

Sadly this happens quite a bit in Pakistan, I would NEVER find a girl from Pakhtunkhwa through this method because its disgusting and against the girls will. Its such a dreadful way to start a marriage. "How did you get married".."Oh I bought my wife for a fee"...Astagfirullah!!

Its the same thing in Loy Paktia, Wardak, and other parts of Afghanistan.

In our tribe, the kuchis are the worst of all when it comes to warwal. They ask ridiculous astronomic fees.

I guy told me sometimes they ask for over 15.000 dollars.