Marriage to non-Pashtuns

[Sangeen]

Wait, but you yourself don't fit into pashtun culture by having these relationships that you are proud to talk about ???

I think you are confusing "relationship" with "dating". Without going in too much detail all I will say is that I know my limits and I respect them. i did try to get to know the girls but all with in the parameters of Shariah.

Hope this clears the point to you.

[Sangeen]

have been in relationship twice before: once with an Arab girl and second time with a Bosnian girl.


Sangen lala Staray Mashay

Warukay GHUNDAY tapos za dasey ba waku chay formula ba pkay wachwau

A+B+C

A Pukhtun da Awo B (arabay Jenay) da Awo c (da bosnia Jenay da )


Wos da A chay sanga wakru B sra relation wu ya wadu wu awo Bya da C sra

rekation ya woda wu....

DA

A khor ka dasey wakey ?...

KEday Shey Zma Peker Warukay wi khu Zwab ba khamkha rakay..

i will certainly answer but i can not really understand what you have written.

I hope it was nothing disrespectful as, quite unfortunately, I do know many Afghans (pashtuns) that will hide behind internet to insult others. I think they only do that cause they come from gutter.

[gadoonwal]

qazi saad yousufzai,thats your view and a true pashtun would never ever like his sis or daughter marry non pashtun.
And a pakhtana marry to punjabi, man she should be punish to even think of punjabi.
Her brother or father must wear lung and adopt punjabi.
It is very rare a pakhtana would marry punjabi,yes in some areas they even sell their daughter to punjabis but they are not true pashtuns.
Most of them are low life and ,,kasabgar,,type of pashtun giving their daughter to punjabis.dum,nayee,tarkan,jola etc are not pashtun by origin.
I support pashtun marry pashtun only.

[Catya Sher]

Great, Sangeen, I instinctively felt that you were a moral type of person.
Glad you cleared that wrong impression made on people.

By the way, notice how those who despise Communists
TEND to be those who espouse good morals.

I don't know what Nokia Apridy said in reply to my comment either.
I was afraid to ask as it looked negative.

Insightful what Sangeen said re the gutter on the second post above.
No WONDER we get those on this site.
I think that they should be summarily weeded out
instead of tolerated.

[Sangeen]

Re:Catya Sher;

I never called it a confession why will you take the liberty in calling it a confession? There is nothing to confess FULL STOP.

I tried to get to know someone strictly by freedom given to me in Islam. Now if this is something that I did wrong then I am damn proud of my mistake moreover, i intend to make this mistake over and over and over again until ALLAH helps me with finding the right person.

Read the post properly and you will see what I mean; just don't hang your hat on one word.

I am getting annoyed not because of the fact that i am been taken for an immoral person, i couldn't care less for that, what annoys me is that you guys are making indirect assertions towards two very decent ladies. This is totally unfair.

Now coming to your question about why do i think that the Bosnian girl was better then the Arab one even though the Arab was closer to Religion. ..

The reason is that the Arab girl knew a lot about Islam and her family was also very religious. Yet she made many mistakes that drove me away from her. Whereas the Bosnian girl was brought up in an almost secular environment; her family would rather frown at her overtly practising Islam. Everyone around her was not that I wanted her to be .. Yet she tried .. albeit her attempt wasn't that good but she did try.

I couldn't live with or even stay close to her, so there was no way I could provide her with that support that she needed against her environment. Sometimes I think I should have.. I mean I should have probably moved closer to her and encouraged her into going to Islamic lectures etc. By doing so I probably wouldn't have followed the Shariah but I guess a good result would have satisfied the mean.

Anyway i do give the Bosnian girl some credit for not following the crowed in drinking and having boy friends etc and at least giving Islam a shot in the face of opposition from every one.

[Sangeen]

@Catya Sher, ok my apologies for adopting a rather rash tone.

[Catya Sher]

That's OK Sangeen!
I didn't realize that you had taken offense.
We ALL jumped to the conclusion by the word "relationship" which
is so commonly used as
a euphemism in Western countries. You know, I'm sure.
I don't see your location, but you must be somewhere in a Western
cultural milieu.

You know it's not about you: it was a guy who was here before who
REALLY DID confess. He hardly came back after Unknown reprimanded him
slightly. He was out of the step with the Pashtun-Afghan Way.

So we probably tended to assume you were the same.
Otherwise nobody would have EVER leapt to conclusions.

MY APOLOGIES!
I'm so glad that you have excellent fiber.
Congratulations.

Appreciate your honest replies too.

[Catya Sher]

So the Bosnian girl tried but faltered and you felt that it was too much of
a burden to be the sole support for her to fight her entire environment?

Did she try to become Islamic because of YOU?
Were you the inspiration or motivation for her attempts to
learn about her religion?

If so that's the best you could do for her.
You can't be expected to take on droves of angry relatives
because they get filled by devils who are seeking to stop her
from practice of Islam.

It's very taxing on one's strength to fight that.

So don't feel guilty: ultimately, SHE has to find the strength and will power
to carry on with her faith.

What were the types of mistakes the Arab girl made?

I apologize to be so curious but it's a very good learning experience to hear about what the situation is like.

[Sangeen]

In simple words he is saying how do we preserve our culture with such traits

and what if a sister does the same?

Being in relationship with Bosnian/Arab?

Nokia apridy is a good guy he is never abusive, its just that he loves Pashto so much they he would never stop communicating in it.

Thanks for clarification and my apologies to NA for suspecting him.

So "how do we preserve this culture?"

My question is that why should we preserve this culture?

We have a PERFCT SYSTEMsystem called ISLAM Why not regress to it?

What's wrong with Islam that we have to top it up with pashtunwali?

Can we not see all around us that Cultural influences has destroyed us?
be it Pashtun or Punjabi or Baluchi or Turk or ARABs..?

My mind is clear of clutter .. it took me a while to clear it but i did eventually clear it.

Culture is a system .. Shariah is also a system WHICH ONE WILL YOU CHOSE?

I do agree that we pashtuns have some good traits and I am very proud of them. ALHUMDOLILLAH these traits has helped me all my life. A clever thing will be to take away what is good and leave the rest under a big stone.

Cultures are a dynamic phenomena, they are living entities, they live in an environment ..they change with time... for good or for bad. Now look at the environment that we Pashtuns have been living in for the last few hundred years. What do you think this culture that has evolved from this environment can be any good for us?

PRESENT DAY pashtunwali IS A FRUIT OF A POISON TREE.

Shariah or Islam is a system, this system started with Prophet Adam [pbuh] and finished in a perfect way with Prophet Muhammed [pbuh]. This system is not dynamic, meaning it is preserved. If any innovations are required then there is a system of educated innovation called Ijma'a where religious scholars will get together and will decide upon something that they do not have a precedence for in Quran or Sunnah. But they will decide on an outcome that will follow the spirit of Islam.

For me following culture is shirk. For me ISLAM is enough.

[Sangeen]

So the Bosnian girl tried but faltered and you felt that it was too much of
a burden to be the sole support for her to fight her entire environment?

Did she try to become Islamic because of YOU?
Were you the inspiration or motivation for her attempts to
learn about her religion?

If so that's the best you could do for her.
You can't be expected to take on droves of angry relatives
because they get filled by devils who are seeking to stop her
from practice of Islam.

It's very taxing on one's strength to fight that.

So don't feel guilty: ultimately, SHE has to find the strength and will power
to carry on with her faith.

What were the types of mistakes the Arab girl made?

I apologize to be so curious but it's a very good learning experience to hear about what the situation is like.

I must congratulate you for going straight to the centre of the problem.

I also hope that she never see this as I have no right to divulge someone's private affairs on a public forum. .... so i will reply to you in "nut shell" way.

This exactly was the problem. I was trying to make her a "good Muslimah" by telling her the does and donts... but what was the motivation behind this? was it Me being religious or was it pashtunwali?

Here is the confession... it was Pashtunwali. Had I used the way of Prophet Muhammed I would not have been sitting here typing this today.

Her argument was that she feels that she is being made to change herself for a guy. If it is for Islam then it is between ALLAH and herself and she will slowly change. I was of the opinion that we do not have time and i certainly will not have a mother for my children that will not adhere to Islamic (but in fact Pashtun) system.

This all was done by emails msn conversation etc. Had i lived near her and met her more often probably she would have had that support that she needed.

But these are all speculations.

[Master Khan]

I don't like pashtana marrying non pashtuns, they always said things like "islam etc".
there are billions of muslims but not many pashtuns

[unknownprince]

Re:Catya Sher;

I tried to get to know someone strictly by freedom given to me in Islam. Now if this is something that I did wrong then I am damn proud of my mistake moreover, i intend to make this mistake over and over and over again until ALLAH helps me with finding the right person.

No one is denying that you are a hopeless romantic. What I am trying to say is there are limits that you do not cross.

So if you need to drink in order to bring a drinking girl closer to Islam, would you for the sake of finding the right person?

People can use this same justification of finding the right person when they go and shake themselves at the night clubs.

[qunduz92]

lol @ shaking themselves in nightclubs ...

[qunduz92]

sangeen i think most us assumed you were dating them in real life naudhubillah. ha ha ha

[unknownprince]

PRESENT DAY pashtunwali IS A FRUIT OF A POISON TREE.
.

For these butterflies in your stomach, you will throw away Pashtunwali?

You should never compromise your faith or culture otherwise you will be lost.

This is sad wrora that you are taking your frustrations out on pashtunwali. Who knows, when Islam holds you back from something else, you may do the same