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I celebrated Ramadan the first time in 2003 one year before I converted to Islam. Before going to Pakistan (from California, U.S.A.) the first time, I went to a Friday Prayer Group of Muslims, the only Muslims I knew were ones I had met on online chats. They loved to tell me about Islam. At that time (2004) I wanted to write a comparative study on how Islam is celebrated differently in different Islamic countries. I started with Pakistan. I left my children behind with their fathers (I was divorced at the time). Shortly before I was to return I got an email from my mother telling me that my son had been hit by a car and they didn't know if he was going to make it. He was 7 years old at the time. This is of course the worst nightmare of any mother.
I was in Karachi at the time. I had spent the weeks before learning a bit about Islam. Everyone in the household was very sympathetic about my son, and kept telling me that Allah had a special place for mothers. On father in the house had a child with special needs. I liked to watch the father interact with his son, because the boy's face would light up every day his father came home from work. There was so much love between the two of them. When the father heard of my son's accident, he came to my room. He came in, and looked at me, and said, "So much I want to say, but sorry, no English." But unlike the others he didn't leave the room. He simply sat there, and looked at me. He looked at me with so much compassion. I can not forget his face. I did not know if my son would live, when I got on the plane the next day in Karachi. When I arrived in the U.S. I called my sister, and she said, "they released him from the hospital this morning, he is OK"!
One week later I got an email from my daughter's father. She had been in Europe visiting him, while I was in Pakistan. My family was very concerned about my interest in the Islamic world. They were worried that I would take my children there. So they spoke to my daughter's father without my knowing and asked him to try and get custody of her when she came to visit him that summer. So a week after I got home, back to my son, I got an email from my daughter's (she was 10) father telling me that my daughter was never coming back.
It was very hard, my older children were worried about what effect this would have on me, as my daughter and I were especially close. The only thing at the time that brought me any comfort was saying, "ALLAH" and I said Allah's name over and over again. During Ramadan of 2004 I converted to Islam, and when others asked me why, I said because of Allah's compassion, shown to me by this man in Karachi, and shown to me by saving my son's life.
At the beginning of April I read a book about the love Allah has for His creation. In one place it says:
"What is most precious to us must go." All beliefs it said, all attachments that become more important to us than Allah, keep us from being close to Allah. Sometimes for a time, all those things must be taken from us in order to experience Allah. So my daughter was taken from me (for a time), my son was taken from me (when he died-stopped breathing in 2004-and yet briefly only) for a time, in order for me to see where my deepest heart's desire is. I lost one other person in my life in the end of March. It is painful, but painful if I stay in a worldly place. If I open myself to a holy place, where only Allah is, then I will find hope. In this place I am nothing Allah is everything.
I live in California. Presently my daughter is visiting me, she will stay until January. My son is fine, a 13 year old typical of his age and culture. I spend my time between baking and trying to raise awareness of rural Pakistan, where my heart is.
Hope this answers your question. I am soon to be starting a 99-Day course on Islam, as I have had little instruction. I do know though that the Qu 'ran is all about forgiveness, although many people do not realize this.
I love and am involved with people (mainly women and children) in Swat Valley, and desire to speak the language so as to better serve them. this is why I come to you.
Humbly,
Rabia
P.S. OK sorry, I can't get the script to match as I wrote this in 2 different chunks....
I was in Karachi at the time. I had spent the weeks before learning a bit about Islam. Everyone in the household was very sympathetic about my son, and kept telling me that Allah had a special place for mothers. On father in the house had a child with special needs. I liked to watch the father interact with his son, because the boy's face would light up every day his father came home from work. There was so much love between the two of them. When the father heard of my son's accident, he came to my room. He came in, and looked at me, and said, "So much I want to say, but sorry, no English." But unlike the others he didn't leave the room. He simply sat there, and looked at me. He looked at me with so much compassion. I can not forget his face. I did not know if my son would live, when I got on the plane the next day in Karachi. When I arrived in the U.S. I called my sister, and she said, "they released him from the hospital this morning, he is OK"!
One week later I got an email from my daughter's father. She had been in Europe visiting him, while I was in Pakistan. My family was very concerned about my interest in the Islamic world. They were worried that I would take my children there. So they spoke to my daughter's father without my knowing and asked him to try and get custody of her when she came to visit him that summer. So a week after I got home, back to my son, I got an email from my daughter's (she was 10) father telling me that my daughter was never coming back.
It was very hard, my older children were worried about what effect this would have on me, as my daughter and I were especially close. The only thing at the time that brought me any comfort was saying, "ALLAH" and I said Allah's name over and over again. During Ramadan of 2004 I converted to Islam, and when others asked me why, I said because of Allah's compassion, shown to me by this man in Karachi, and shown to me by saving my son's life.
At the beginning of April I read a book about the love Allah has for His creation. In one place it says:
"What is most precious to us must go." All beliefs it said, all attachments that become more important to us than Allah, keep us from being close to Allah. Sometimes for a time, all those things must be taken from us in order to experience Allah. So my daughter was taken from me (for a time), my son was taken from me (when he died-stopped breathing in 2004-and yet briefly only) for a time, in order for me to see where my deepest heart's desire is. I lost one other person in my life in the end of March. It is painful, but painful if I stay in a worldly place. If I open myself to a holy place, where only Allah is, then I will find hope. In this place I am nothing Allah is everything.
I live in California. Presently my daughter is visiting me, she will stay until January. My son is fine, a 13 year old typical of his age and culture. I spend my time between baking and trying to raise awareness of rural Pakistan, where my heart is.
Hope this answers your question. I am soon to be starting a 99-Day course on Islam, as I have had little instruction. I do know though that the Qu 'ran is all about forgiveness, although many people do not realize this.
I love and am involved with people (mainly women and children) in Swat Valley, and desire to speak the language so as to better serve them. this is why I come to you.
Humbly,
Rabia
P.S. OK sorry, I can't get the script to match as I wrote this in 2 different chunks....
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