(Zama likal) MY poetry

[mayan]

Kash Che ma ledaley we Der ba me khokl kare wei,
Za che Darnezdi shoma yaara ta bya thaley wei

ma wail obakam Deedan khu tha beya thaley wei,
Dair soch o fikar k woma khpal zan rana thaley de

Da husan de uo Parkha prekhey zamung pa kali wei,
parkhey shabnam da har gul makhuna veenzaley wei

sta da Ra Tag baran shu pa mung de ze k,
Afsoos che mung de uo zal sta pa kali k wei

Shwe Dedadnuna pa de Ashna mosam k aey khoga yara ,
che za rehman da pekhwar na sta da meeny pa jannat k wei

[aftab.yusufzai]

deer kha.
khushala wusy.

[mayan]

deer kha.
khushala wusy.

mannana zra sira

[Badlun]

Kash Che ma ledaley we Der ba me khokl kare wei,
Za che Darnezdi shoma yaara ta bya thaley wei

ma wail obakam Deedan khu tha beya thaley wei,
Dair soch o fikar k woma khpal zan rana thaley de

Da husan de uo Parkha prekhey zamung pa kali wei,
parkhey shabnam da har gul makhuna veenzaley wei

sta da Ra Tag baran shu pa mung de ze k,
Afsoos che mung de uo zal sta pa kali k wei

Shwe Dedadnuna pa de Ashna mosam k aey khoga yara ,
che za rehman da pekhwar na sta da meeny pa jannat k wei

The idea of meeting the beloved but failure in doing so is excellent. Creating an ambient for the confluence is also great. Using imagery, figures of speech like simile, metaphor, personification are excellently used but I have few questions like
What is the genre of the poetry, is it ghazal, nazam, charbeta, badala, nimakai or what?
Rhyme and rhythm are not defined. Morphology seems to be deformed. Diction is good but not on the level with the idea. Melody is there but phraseology is not in consonance with it.

I remember my own days of writing poetry at the initial stages. You have the muse but there is a need of a master to polish the diamond.

[kiran]

[Joey_Gladstonezai]

Kash Che ma ledaley we Der ba me khokl kare wei,
Za che Darnezdi shoma yaara ta bya thaley wei

ma wail obakam Deedan khu tha beya thaley wei,
Dair soch o fikar k woma khpal zan rana thaley de

Da husan de uo Parkha prekhey zamung pa kali wei,
parkhey shabnam da har gul makhuna veenzaley wei

sta da Ra Tag baran shu pa mung de ze k,
Afsoos che mung de uo zal sta pa kali k wei

Shwe Dedadnuna pa de Ashna mosam k aey khoga yara ,
che za rehman da pekhwar na sta da meeny pa jannat k wei

The idea of meeting the beloved but failure in doing so is excellent. Creating an ambient for the confluence is also great. Using imagery, figures of speech like simile, metaphor, personification are excellently used but I have few questions like
What is the genre of the poetry, is it ghazal, nazam, charbeta, badala, nimakai or what?
Rhyme and rhythm are not defined. Morphology seems to be deformed. Diction is good but not on the level with the idea. Melody is there but phraseology is not in consonance with it.

I remember my own days of writing poetry at the initial stages. You have the muse but there is a need of a master to polish the diamond.

Badlun,

I too write Pashto poetry yet I have no formal training. You seem experienced though. Where and how can I polish up on my technique?

[Badlun]

Badlun,

I too write Pashto poetry yet I have no formal training. You seem experienced though. Where and how can I polish up on my technique?

Actually poetry is something inborn and depends mainly on your tendency towards literature , fine arts, aesthetics, music and romantic way of life. If you have this propensity then its polishing is easy. You must have the rough diamond then shining it is an art. If you do not have the diamond at all then by whatever efforts you cannot become a poet.

Some people have ideological problems with poetry as Plato banished poets from his Republic and many wahabis/salafis consider poetry as haram. Some call it waste of time.

In Persian we say that poetry is amadan(coming) not awordan(bringing). Its a kind of revelation(nazool) not creation(takhleeq). But once you have the intuitional revelation then creation becomes easier. Just with creation you cannot become a poet.

As you said you write poetry so one stage is already over. It comes to you, you dont froce it to bring it. For polishing it you need expertise in figures of speech, techniques of poetry like rhyme and rhythm, genres of poetry and identifying your own tendency to the kind of poetry as you may like writing a formal poem or a verse libre. Language do matter as Pashto has its own distinguished kinds while English has its own types of poetry.

Please share some piece of poetry by you and I will try to have some comments.

[mayan]

yo khabra ba okama ?

awal za domra Tuff english bande na poi gama
@badlun saib ma Falsfa na da wailey
da insaan da zra khbra da agha da halato khbra pa khula bande ozi pa uo Tareeqa aghe tha shaire v
os domra za ghat shiare na yma che de tha sa wai .
ma da zra khabra da shairi pa Alfazo olikala
ma dair Shaire likley da

[mayan]

(Zama likal)

Qalam me chwat ko ma wail da janan husan olikam
bya me wail rasha da janan pakhwani yadona olikam

likal me snga Shoro kral okhka me pa kaghaz prewata
okhko me khpala Tola Afsana pa kaghaz olikala

[Badlun]

yo khabra ba okama ?

awal za domra Tuff english bande na poi gama
@badlun saib ma Falsfa na da wailey
da insaan da zra khbra da agha da halato khbra pa khula bande ozi pa uo Tareeqa aghe tha shaire v
os domra za ghat shiare na yma che de tha sa wai .
ma da zra khabra da shairi pa Alfazo olikala
ma dair Shaire likley da

wrora khapa na shey
da shayerei la para Falsafa bayad na da pakar , zrha pakar dey kho kala che ta khpala shayeree bal cha ta war khaye no bya da qisey raazi laka wazan, bahar, radeep, qafiya ,sanaya w badaya , azad nazam aw da sher qismuna laka, tapa/misra/landai,rubayee, charbeta, ghazal, neemakai, sandara, badala aw noor dasey

[mayan]

rora khpa ki do sa khbra da khudey de khusla lara ..
ao rora poi gama pa nazam ghazal misra tapa landai rubaye
khu shairi za aksar pa ghazal k likam la pa misra k
falsfa lag shan pa de zaroori da
che tapa misra landai rubye nazam radeep bande ba lag lag poi she

Dase os da che ma charta shairi touch kare na da..

ma Israr Atal saib sira khbrey shwe wai
ma agha tha owail che shairi ba snga ki gi

wai da Zra o da Zehen haal byanol pa uo dase andaaz k tol faza ba yaad lari
laka pa drana pakhtoo k ba khpal haal byane
nu dase ma okro nu ma uo so poetry olikala
aksar pa facebook k warkama nu khalaq dair khwkhi